Too many arguments!!!

[Salduchi1785]

i have been dating my girlfriend for alittle over 9 months. we are a great couple. the only problem is that we fight and argue waaayyyyyy too much. its really hard because i love her alot and i dont wanna loose her, and i know that she feels the same way. sometimes it feels like we just have to part and go our own ways, but we both refuse too. if it wasent for the fighting and arguing, we would be perfect. the things we fight about really dont make sence, and are totally stupid. so what i am really trying to find out is, how can we stop fighting? we have told eachother over and over again that we will just hold it back, but it hasent worked! we need some type of solution. has anyone ever been in a similar situation and gotton through it? any help or tips will be very appriciated. thank you

 

[spidersense]

don't fight, communicate. Communicate the problems, and discuss them, don't fight over them. watch your tone of voice, that's very very important. if she raises her tone of voice, then MAKE SURE YOURS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL, she will lower hers eventually. don't allow yourself to get too angry. work out the anger in your head, you know, like what am I affraid of, what is me getting angry really going to do in this situation, am I the problem or is someone else. communicate this with her, explain, we can't fight like this anymore, if we have a problem, then we have to communicate it, not fight over it. finally, and this is a big finally in the sense that it may not be possible, comprimise. if it's something that you two are not willing to comprimise about, then you may have to leave her, of course, be the first to leave.

if you and her continue to argue and fight, then she probably isn't the best person for you to be in a relationship with.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Been there, didn't get through it though. However, here's some insight that may help.

Couples don't usually fight about real problems, it's usually just topics. That's why it seems as if you are fighting about a ton of BS. You guys are just fighting about topics but are never addressing the real problem, whatever that may be.

The best way to deal with the problem is that when one of you is mad, the other should try their best not to defend or retaliate. S/He should do their best to ask questions like:

How does that make you feel?
How would you like to feel?
What can I do to help?

Hopefully questions like these will help pinpoint the real problem by cutting through the overlying BS.

 

[spidersense]

what Fran said is pretty much right, but it may not just be topics. if that's the case, then there are too many problems in the realtionship than what it's worth more than likely.

another point I didn't mention, never never ever under any circumstances bring up past BS. stuff that you've already made up for.

 

[Salduchi1785]

thanks for the tips. it really helps alot. anyone else have any tips?

 

[thefonz]

lots of fights = lots of crazy make up sex, thats probably why you guys love each other so much

 

[Glenfiddich101]

I'm going through the same thing with my gf of 6 months. We can argue like freaking 3-4 times a day. And its really taking a toll on the relationship.

Like what the rest of the guys have mentioned, its perfectly normal for couples to quarrel. But its the way you handle the arguement can make or break a relationship.

For my gf, when ever she is angry, she will scream, shout, swear and even shove me. This happenend in public before and it changed the way i feel for her. I've started my own share of silly fights but i always back down and make up when i know i'm taking it too far with my nonsense.

I've told her many times abt arguing fair and calmly but she just flies off the hook. Its only abt time before i call it quits.

The best advise i can give is to nip the arguement in the bud before it evolves into a scream fest.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh, a big one is that it's alright to have a difference of opinion. One person doesn't need to be right while the other is wrong. What I'm trying to say is that it's OK to agree to disagree.

 

[MacDiddy]

Your love is a love on shakey ground... Its more lust and a need for companionship... There is alot of argument as to why this relationship will not last and that I'm sure will preoccupy her mind...

I've never lasted in a relationship where fighting was a common occurance.... and neither has many other... just look at the divorce rate.... and the legal disagreements after that... I've always bailed when a better offer came along... and in my early days, I was often dumped in a similar manner...

If the relationship is not a happy one.. where the negatives outweight the positives, then it's really inevitable.... people are entitled to the pursuit of happiness and they all exercise it...

 

[MacDiddy]

Oh, a big one is that it's alright to have a difference of opinion. One person doesn't need to be right while the other is wrong. What I'm trying to say is that it's OK to agree to disagree.

Try telling that to some of the biatches these days... Chicks will only learn from bitter experience after they have moved on from a previous relationship or failing that, get with some AFC schmuck that can pander to her desires..

 

[Salduchi1785]

lots of good advise.i talked about to my girlfriend about what you all have said and we are both willing to work on things and make things better. i will let you all know how it goes. thanks!