too late too soon?

[thebiglimp]

mkay so the first dating attempt for me in a long time and i blew it.

i would like you gents' professional analysis on the situation. I'm quite new at this so i don't know how to dissect it and gain from it.

the whole event takes about a month which i will divide into approx. dates.

day 1-10: girl who works at the bar i frequent show interest.

day 11- i talk to her for maybe 3 minutes before being interrupted.

day 12-19: more body language/eye contact from the girl and also now from me. (i wasn't even interested in her first but why not eat the fruit?)

day 20: ask her phone number, saying i want to take her to the dinner. get a 'yes', then phone number... and here's where the idiocy begins. i ask for her name afterwards. her smart phone is gone, btw. she shows me a cheap phone saying that her phone is in repair atm. and can only kakaotalk [IM service] (totally legit excuse,btw)

day 23, sunday: try calling but no answer. text her hi. get a hi back.
me: what are you doing?
her: busy with work i couldn't get done during the week
let's have dinner tonight
sorry, busy tonight but i'll be free at afternoon sometime next week

now, i take this as a strike one and a downgrade- it's suppose to be a dinner, not an afternoon meet. next couple of texts are idiot blubber on my part.
since getting her number i've been too excited that by now i have lost control of my cool.

day 24-25: more idiot texting on my part. no wit, just awkward impersonal questions that she doesn't seem too interested to answer.
last text i send her is 'oh god i think i'm failing at this text thing' her: no it's just me i still haven't fixed my phone so i can only do this on a computer.

day 26: i go to the bar on a business. by now i am completely frozen up. naturally, she's overly friendly to me now but i am unable to make conversation. i seriously only said hi and bye to her the whole 4 hours i was there.

day 27: call again, phone still doesn't work.
i know she is off today because i know the employee schedule of the bar.

text- me:hey let me know if you want to meet up today. and yes, i am pressuring you.
her 6 hours later: sorry i was out all day. i will be like this from now on.
i chat some more unproductive blabber, realizing it's already strike 2.

day 29: business at the bar again (i have dealings with the owner) she seem very uncomfortable around me now, avoiding me altogether. naturally, i act the same. then i stop her on my way out, say 'i don't wanna bother you about this anymore but i still wanna go on a date with you.'. her: 'i don't want...' me: 'so no date?' 'no?' her: 'no'

the end. lolol.

yeah, i'm pretty bummed out by the loss but even as i type it out now, it's pretty funny how bad i was at this.

what i'd like to know is, how was the dinner downgraded to an afternoon meet at my first text, and if i came on too strong both instances of text. it really is a deal breaker that i couldn't talk to her on the phone since that could've felt much more natural to me.

i'd also like to know if it's possible that she was only seeking attention to begin with.

 

[The Duke]

Bartenders/Waitstaff are always iffy prospects especially if they are attractive. They simply get too much male attention and therefore have unlimited options. As you know, you didn't do yourself any favors thru the texts. If you aren't witty/funny or aren't good at building sexual tension, then don't bother texting. You also really drug this process out and made it socially awkward. I don't think this girl had very high interest to begin with. You have to remember that its her job to make you feel "special". Its what puts money in her pocket.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Big Limp,
Oh the narcotic effects of a whiff from the Bar Maids apron are almost a rite of passage for a young Man...Don't whip yourself...Fraternising with the opposite Sex is like say Laying Bricks,after a while you get good at laying them LOL...As Howie says its her job to keep the customers happy.

 

[sodbuster]

They get tips showing their t1ts ans smiling to the customers.... hard to get a true read on them. BUT their hours SUCK for an 8-5 guy to try and date them.... so DON'T. Unless you think staying up until 3 until they get off shift is going to make work tomorrow better

 

[bmp2cpm]

Days 1 through 29 - days that could have been spent pursuing at least 2 other women who are not hired guns and who have a high interest level in you for you and not for tips.

You're not getting those 29 days back in your life. Having multiple prospective women in your life gives you confidence and more importantly teaches you how to read a woman's actions and interpret her interest level.

When you text a woman, you should be texting 2 to 3 women at the same time with essentially the same text, and see who responds quickest and how much thought they actually put into their response to you. The ones that show promise you keep. The not so promising ones you end all contact with as they are not worth your important resource of time.

You have to get into the habit of putting yourself in a situation where multiple women are competing for you. Instead you put yourself in a impossible situation where very few men could succeed. Women generally don't want to be hit on by strangers when they are working, especially the ones in jobs with lot's of male orbiters. It's kind of the worse time to hit on them.

 

[thebiglimp]

i wasn't a patron there but more of an employee. (i do sound system install for the bar)

how do i let them know they're in the competition without coming off like a ma***** who's hitting multiple women at the same time? lol

also, i wonder if some women may find my texting to be too strong. i mean it was her number, name, then right off the bat without knowing anything about eachother, 'let's go on a date'. would girls with high IL always accept that or even with that level some would find it a turn off that i was too drilling?

 

[MOTU]

You need to go to stoplosingwomen.com and read Harry's post on why texting kills relationships. I am not as anti-texting as Harry is but he makes good points and shows you what to avoid.

I don't think your texts came on too strong, I think you were boring. You have to be clever, different from the others. Leading with "hi" was bad, as was you saying you were failing at the texting thing. Be more confident and interesting.

Also, as you know logistics can be a problem with her schedule, offering two different times may have made sense. Or ask her straight up "what is your work schedule next week, I want to go to (wherever) and I want you to go with me."

Hope that helps a little.

 

[thebiglimp]

texting i thought was also a tragedy. didn't help that i took the foolish tip of 'text everyday to show your interest'.

but i thought interrogating her schedule was way too pushy and was expecting her to pull up a day when the time came, as she said 'free afternoon next week'

do women setup the schedule for the date if they're really interested?

 

[thebiglimp]

lastly can i ask why she's so avert of me now?

on day 29 and 3 days later when i had to visit the bar again, she was just trying to stay away from me as best as she can.

i still can't understand this turn of attitude since on day 27, after the second reject on the date, we ended the texting on a positive note, as it was actually the first time i got to show some wit, and we exchanged the longest texts yet.

then come 29th, she acts as if i am some creep, even though as i review my actions so far, i haven't really been that offensive.
desperate, yes, but never offending, i hope.

so i ask her out there again verbally, get a 'no', and let her know that i understand it's over.
but she's at the worse attitude 3 days later... sitting with her arms crosssed, and eyes closed, behind the counter even when the boss is walking by. lol.
i got the hell out of there as fast as i could.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yeah she might be creeped out, don't let bother dude it was never your intention to do that & we all get that. Amount of f*cks given, zero! She may have given you singals that she wasn't interested & you just didn't catch them, who knows....


You need to look at this as pratice man & just learn from your mistakes. She works in a bar, she's more than likely turning guys down on a weekly basis. All bar girls flirt & are friendly, more tips to pay the bills. Wash, repeat, rinse.....it gets easier with time.

Tons of great info on here, just absord it all in. I avoid the first meet up as a "dinner date".
You really don't need to buy them dinner to get laid these days. But hey if thats what you prefer go for it.