To Phone or not Phone ?

[Enigmatron]

Hi Guys need some advice on this one

yeah i know what your gonna say AFC and all that, yeah maybe but im learning not to be from the dj ways

before i fount the dj site about 4 days ago, me and my gf told each other everything about each other and all emotions and stuff, well basically i mainly did like an idiot and gave away all the power and stuff and im the one who does all the chasing, emails, phoning, text and all that

she really likes me and has said she wants much more than friends

anyway getting to the route of the question

she was going on holiday last wed and i tried to get her to phone me before she went, i said give me a call before you go anyway she said she might and didnt and i knew she wouldnt

so to the weekend i knew she was getting back yesterday saturday, and i sent a text saying
"love you (etc) give me a call when you get back"

so guess what sat night no call and i did not give in and phone

well its sunday and im slightly weakening what shoud i do ?

1.) give in and phone, because i want to hear her voice and see whats been going on.

2.)hold out and stand my ground and dont phone, and find out if she does feel stuff for me, or is it just she is very shy and too scared to phone?

some thoughts and advice would be great hear guys

 

[lebRambo]

don't phone. she has your number, she can damn well pick up her phone and call you. I know how you feel though. Its always a struggle. Make sure you win, and you DO have the moral highground, cause she said she would call you and didn't. Don't enable a flake.

 

[BackToTheMack]

Your GF goes on holidays and doesnt call you when she leaves or when she gets back?

Sounds like a broken realationship

Anyway stand your ground dont call but in my opinion this realationship wont last very long the damage has already been done.

 

[Koplover]

Even better, go to the pub with some mates and turn your phone off, so if she does call you later on it shows that you didnt care(even though you do)

Occupy yourself as much as possible, get on with life, again if she calls it shows your not worried she didnt call, and if she doesnt call your already back out there finding someone else.

 

[quest]

Originally posted by Koplover
Even better, go to the pub with some mates and turn your phone off, so if she does call you later on it shows that you didnt care(even though you do)

Occupy yourself as much as possible, get on with life, again if she calls it shows your not worried she didnt call, and if she doesnt call your already back out there finding someone else.

best advice so far.

listen enigmatron. you realise you're f*cked and you're trying to hang on at all costs.

What you're trying now is forcing her into a relationship, which ultimately is driving her away from you. I've seen this countless times.

She wants space. give her space, and with the extra time you now have, go to gym, hang with your buddies, go out and actively look for new girls.

You won't be longing for her because you'll be busy and be having fun whilst improving her life, and you'll likely meet someone you like better then her, someone who wants to be with you.

Do not sit infront of the computer/tv pondering about phoning her, this will only lead you to do things which will push her further away.

She clearly doesn't want you to contact her right now, or she'd be calling you. Be a man. Get your **** together. I gurantee follow what I've said and sometime within the next 2-4 weeks, she'll be in contact to find out whats up.

She may stop in at your workplace, she may 'accidently' bump into you when your out, she may phone you, she may send a friend to find out what you're doing. But she will check up. If your crying over her, she wins, and she still has a guy that will buy her presents and take her dinner if she feels like that; she probably doesn't because then she also has to deal with your baggage.
If you're not crying over her, she'll want to know why, especially as you told her all your deep emotions and feelings.

 

[Enigmatron]

Thanks Guys just what i needed to hear

but i must add in important factor

i think she has had a bf before even though nothing happened but she did say to me, that she was mad for him and was too obssessed with him and it all finished and i think that broke her heart, confidence and all that stuff and she acts pretty shy and quiet.

but im sure its a front as she has played lost of games and tests with me, and i even got pissed off before and said its gonna be over and stuff and she has kept coming back.

i guess though with the sit at the mo she knows im gonna phone as im mad for her.

but guess what im not gonna phone, so enjoy that for unpredictablility and get thinking about that girl

you know what i mean guys, i want some returned effection in this relationship not just me doing all the work!

 

[quest]

Originally posted by Enigmatron
Thanks Guys just what i needed to hear

but i must add in important factor

i think she has had a bf before even though nothing happened but she did say to me, that she was mad for him and was too obssessed with him and it all finished and i think that broke her heart, confidence and all that stuff and she acts pretty shy and quiet.

but im sure its a front as she has played lost of games and tests with me, and i even got pissed off before and said its gonna be over and stuff and she has kept coming back.

i guess though with the sit at the mo she knows im gonna phone as im mad for her.

but guess what im not gonna phone, so enjoy that for unpredictablility and get thinking about that girl

you know what i mean guys, i want some returned effection in this relationship not just me doing all the work!

I'm VERY worried about you.
You're situation sounds almost identicle to a friend of mines (which ended about 2 months ago).

Unfortunantly for him, me and many other friends of ours will not go out with him anymore -if we see him, we're friendly and all. but we will not do the old things with him, go out clubbing, go out to dinner etc. etc.

He's left us for girls too many times.

In his situation, he cried to me, yes, tears and moaning, about how she was treating him. She longed for her ex. She wanted space. He was trying to force her into his relationship, this pushed her away. She says "I can't see you tonight, I have to stay back at work." He goes to her work. She's not there.
He SMS her "You're not at work?"
She skitzes out at him.
Who's fault is it? She is lying, but she feels she has to because she can't get space.
He continues trying to force her into it. I am telling him to move on, he's worth so much more. He agrees with me, but continues running back to her.
Now he has no girlfriend, and has damaged relationships with many good friends.

Do as we suggest here, keep yourself busy, have a good time, and don't think about her.

 

[chili kat]

I think it's too late to fix this situation, turn the tables, or whatever you want to call it. She sounds settled in and will just get all pissy if you start pulling tricks. Just more BS to deal with.

As long as this relationhip exists you're stuck right where you are.

 

[Enigmatron]

I have the power to do what i want, and im gonna try playing it this way by not phoning, ive got some films on tonight anyway so i dont want to talk, but as irony has it she will probably phone!

if she is even interested or loves me she will phone, if not too bad

i know by playing it this way your right chili kat and she will get pissed off and i expect a game or test

but what else is f*ckin new ay

 

[chili kat]

Hey, whatever you want to do is fine, but I don't think any advice here is going to help you at all. The power to do what you want is about all I think you have.

 

[arlanda]

I would aviod her for a week or so to get her wondering what's going on. Get busy man!

 

[Enigmatron]

yeah i think i should wait it out a bit, but keeping bust isnt easy especially on a sunday when always my emotions for her are at there highest

throughout the day i have different states

the one where im focused and in control of myself and the other were i just keep thinking about her and think just phone her

buts its not right is it i sent her a text the other day saying phone me when you get back so if i give in now

i will have proved i have no control of myself and she has it all

ive got to be strong but its not easy at times

 

[BackToTheMack]

If she liked you she would have called you already. Move on

 

[joekerr31]

its not easy to be strong because guess what... YOU AREN'T STRONG. you are, as they say, ***** WHIPPED.

dude, the problem in all this is you lack self respect. in life you have to care about yourself enough not to let someone else treat you like crap.

right now she's treating you like crap.

as men we cut women TONS of slack thinking they are emotionally confused and what not. and sure, they may be, but it's no excuse for mistreating another person.

She is giving you VERY VERY CLEAR signs that she has no intention of respecting your emotions or you as a person. She will ignore you until she is upset and needs someones shoulder to cry on, then she will call you, or any other guy available.

then you'll feel all connected for the next few weeks, until her head is back on straight. then she will sideline you again.

chics LOVE to have an AFC on the side who they know they can always run to and will tell them they are great and wonderful and everything is going to be alright.

but guess what, that's as far as it will ever go. you know why. because she knows that if she takes it further with you that theres a good chance things will ultimately get ugly and she will lose you completely. Right now she's not going to mess with your AFC status. She'll keep you hanging on for years if you are willing to put up with it.

She sure seems like a selfish b*tch who is taking advantage of your emotions.

a big part of becoming a man is sucking it up and doing the hard thing. It means being able to take the punch to the face because its the right thing to do, rather than taking the hug because it feels good.

trust me man, if she didn't call you before or after she went on vacation she is NOT thinking about you as LTR potential. She's thinking of you as an AFC on the side that she can use whenever she wants as the years go by.

You've done nothing wrong. being honest with your emotions was good, its necessary to build a LTR. BUT, now that she's showing herself to be immature and to be abusing your openness and honesty, you should cut her out of your life forever.

J