To my peers and my mentors

[OamImrsNemo]

There is such a wealth of knowledge on this forum, so much good advice but I come here seeking something I am learning and want more knowledge of. That is WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

I am finding more and more as I live my life and with little surprise that this day and age there is no loyalty. Everyone sh!t talks everyone even if they are friends. People you think your speaking with in confidentiality end up telling that personal thing to everyone. You can't trust women your trying to hook up with because they could be a future enemy and you do not want to give them that weapon.

What happen to comradeship, to helping one another. Now its as if were all trying to trick and sabotage each other? Back in the day there was so much trust people died to keep secrets. Now people give it just for 2 minutes of attention.

I am feeling great about everything else in my life I thought to bring this up because it is becoming more and more a burden. I do not want to fool my self to trust everyone but maybe a tool to help me unwind? It feels every person I hang out with I wonder what do I bring to the table that they could want. What should I tell them? How much? Could they use it against me? Or with women all the lies I hear them speaking maybe they are telling the truth but everything is a lie. I wonder how many std's they have. If they just got fvcked before I fvcked them.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Zarky]

Trust everyone to always do what's best for themselves and cover your ass accordingly.

HOW to cover your ass is something only experience and stupid mistakes will teach you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You need to look t loyalty from a nondual standpoint, instead of thinking in terms of its usual definition.

That is: people DO help each other and stick up for their friends. People rally to help one another in time of crises, and often forego their own needs to serve the needs of others. You can look at the aftermath of any natural disaster and its effect on the populace for evidence.

However, expecting unconditional loyalty from anyone is a losing proposition. There are always extenuating circumstances that will push people to their breaking points. Also, the natural competitiveness among males (and females, too, for that matter) will always be a factor to consider when it comes to issues of trust.

I think that many rely on the loyalty of others to mask deficiencies in their own lives. Our goal as men should be to be as self-sufficient as possible-- even when performing tasks that require the compliance of others, there should always be a contingency plan in the event that there are defectors in the ranks. Trusting anyone completely is a gamble, and it is far safer to plan for the worst than to expect the best.

I have friends that have talked s#it about me or have let me down in similar ways, and I still keep them as friends. Why? Because I have fun with them, or maybe because they serve some function in my life. I just don't expect loyalty from them, and live my life accordingly. Friends are often the worst when it comes to these things. Of course, looking at past behavior is a somewhat reliable indicator of loyalty, so you should be able to assess friends fairly readily.

As for women, the same principles hold true. Don't expect unconditional love, because that's not the way pair bonding works. There needs to be a motivator other than obligation for attraction to occur. Expecting that you can let yourself go, quit your job, start acting needy, etc. and still hold a relationship together thanks to "unconditional love" is delusional. But, that doesn't mean that women are the enemy, either--there just needs to be a level of natural antagonism in any sexual relationship--that's what attraction is. Women aren't supposed to be a substitute for your mother.

It might sound bleak, but it really isn't that bad. If I'm doing the right things to inspire attraction in a woman and I know she's reasonably moral, I don't worry about her cheating. I'd much rather accept responsibility for my role in creating attraction than rely on blind trust. It is much easier to control your own behavior than it is to control the behavior of others, and often times the way to achieve the latter is through the former. This is why we try to improve ourselves.

 

[Solomon]

There is such a wealth of knowledge on this forum, so much good advice but I come here seeking something I am learning and want more knowledge of. That is WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

I am finding more and more as I live my life and with little surprise that this day and age there is no loyalty. Everyone sh!t talks everyone even if they are friends. People you think your speaking with in confidentiality end up telling that personal thing to everyone. You can't trust women your trying to hook up with because they could be a future enemy and you do not want to give them that weapon.

What happen to comradeship, to helping one another. Now its as if were all trying to trick and sabotage each other? Back in the day there was so much trust people died to keep secrets. Now people give it just for 2 minutes of attention.

I am feeling great about everything else in my life I thought to bring this up because it is becoming more and more a burden. I do not want to fool my self to trust everyone but maybe a tool to help me unwind? It feels every person I hang out with I wonder what do I bring to the table that they could want. What should I tell them? How much? Could they use it against me? Or with women all the lies I hear them speaking maybe they are telling the truth but everything is a lie. I wonder how many std's they have. If they just got fvcked before I fvcked them.

Thanks for reading.

This a great topic, I made a topic similar to this in NLG (RIP). TO answer your question I don't trust anyone but God, I repeat I don't trust anyone but God. I had family shyt on me, people who I thought were my friends, etc. When you see how ugly and grimy people can be, it makes you selfish. Everyone is out for self and their own best interest. The concept of loyalty is lost among people or they don't know what it is point blank period.

I feel the same way about when you hang out with someone, how much can you say. I had to let some friends go earlier this year, and I had some let me go. Shyt wasn't prettty

I can honestly say at times I'm not loyal as I should be, but now going through this rough patch in life. I see how selfish a lot of people are and unreliable. My old room mate said it best "if you wanna get something then you gotta rely on your self".

 

[everywomanshero]

If you do not feel you can trust any women in any meaningful way, I'd say that;s a pretty big problem.

Your risks for STDs and associated harm from them can be mitigated by living a health lifestyle, vaccinating, getting an STD screening, and using condoms.

Not all women are out to get you or any other man. YOu need to realize that people come from all backgrounds, with all kind of differing values, and so on. If you are looking for women who are particularly loyal and trustworthy they are out there. Just don't get in such a rush to find those traits that you throw everything else out the window.

 

[OamImrsNemo]

If you do not feel you can trust any women in any meaningful way, I'd say that;s a pretty big problem.

Your risks for STDs and associated harm from them can be mitigated by living a health lifestyle, vaccinating, getting an STD screening, and using condoms.

Not all women are out to get you or any other man. YOu need to realize that people come from all backgrounds, with all kind of differing values, and so on. If you are looking for women who are particularly loyal and trustworthy they are out there. Just don't get in such a rush to find those traits that you throw everything else out the window.

Can you expand more on what you mean.

 

[terran2k]

you can only really trust yourself. Plenty of threads where people's wife/gf/best friend have shafted them.

 

[everywomanshero]

What I mean is you don't want to focus so much on the loyalty aspect that you jump into something serious with a woman almost solely because she's passable on looks and very loyal. You could end up bored to tears, finding out she doesn't have the same goals in any other regard as you, etc.

Some women are loyal just like some employers and employees are and so on. The fact that some women are not is just a little dose of reality, just like some employes and employers are not loyal. But if an employers decides "all employes are bad or an employe decides all employers are bad" don't you see how that sets up an environment where relations never had a chance to be anything but bad. Then the person believes that the experience "proves it". In reality it just proves a bad attitude ruins your chances at successful relationships in general. You have to transition from gloom to asking "what can I do to help create such a situation for myself?"