To Move On or to Keep Trying

[JBB84]

Over the past 3 years I have been have been hooking up with this girl who I have secretly wanted to be with the whole time. She is highly desired, so to get myself in with her I started out in a friendship-type way. (Also note we were hanging around with the same group, so this was a way for me to get closer). I always played it cool but made sure to look good and be charming around her. We started hooking up, but shortly after she had to leave to go to another country (as she had planned on doing some humanitarian work) and left for the entire summer. During that time, I met someone else and was in an exclusive relationship by the time she got back. I think she was a little let down, but soon moved on and also started her own relationship. We remained friends and when both of our relationships ended around the same time (about 1.5 years later), we resume hooking up, but even more intensely this time around. I actually think she dumped the ex for me. Things were going well and it seemed like we might end up in a relationship. The only problem was #1 she was still talking to her ex via text all the time, who was very persistent with her and wouldn't leave her alone and #2 She was still not "completely over" the ex. I messed up, however, by becoming too attached/needy too soon. I became the rebound I think. She told me, after much back and forth over the past few months, that she wants to be my friend. Now I have backed off and we haven't seen each other for over 2 weeks. (Used to hang out every weekend, all weekend). She still wants to be my friend and keep me close. I am torn as to whether or not I should try to be her friend again, or if I should take myself away from her. I know that would really hurt her.

Side note: She has been really nice and texting me every day. On Friday night around 10PM she told me she had just gotten out of a movie and then asked what I was doing. I waited about an hour to respond and told her I just got out of a late dinner, but kept it vague. The next day she continued to pry about what I did so I said I went on a date. (I really didn't, just wanted to see if she'd get jealous). Ever since then she hasn't been texting me and gave short answers when I texted her about general stuff we'd normally talk about.

Does anyone think I have a chance of winning her over again? If so- how? Or should I move on and let it go?

 

[BeDJ]

Unfortunately, no contact is your only choice now.

You need to covertly show you have other options, to keep her guessing. When you told her you had a date, that's like a girl telling you "No, I'm not interested." Kills the imagination, doesn't it?

 

[Alvafe]

well from what I always read and from what you said... move on

gonna place the red flags I notice from your text and hope the old timer here would say if I nail it or not

she still talks with her ex, if she was into you she would stop, she tells you want just to be friends now, her IL is low now maybe because you was needy to her.

I say, move on, don't ever msg her again, if possible NC her and find another girl

also did you read the DJ bible? if not start the reading

 

[st_99]

if i had to bottom line the entire problem here its simply this..

it sounds like from the start you came from a place/frame of inferiority, suplication, she is highly desired, pedestalization..

in other words, you were the b!tch. no wonder you find yourself in this mess. i think its hard to come back from this as she see's you as weak.

 

[disgustipated]

I'd say make a.HARD play for her...like the ex did but only if u can pull it off...that means no needy clingy sappy ****. You have to take charge with this one, no asking. Only do this if you can accept the cosequences of it not working.

 

[JBB84]

At this point I am going to stop initiating any contact. If she contacts me, I am going to play the "I'm doing just fine" card and not try to hang out or be readily available. We do have some mutual friends, so we are bound to see each other eventually.

In response to telling her I was on a date being not the best idea, I actually decided to do that after reading an old thread from this site. It had a lot of really good points, the main point being that jealousy is POWERFUL. She has been cold to me ever since I said I went on a date, and I'm not sure if I should take that as a good or bad thing. Good being that it means it affected her and she wasn't exactly happy for me, bad being that now she is not trying communicate with me at all. Nonetheless, the thread I was referring to said that when women know you are dating other women it increases their interest more than anything else in most situations. Kind of like you don't miss what ya had till its gone. You don't agree?

Sigh. I know that moving on will probably be the best. I definitely did have her on a pedestal. I think most guys who date her do and I want to handle this differently than the majority in my position would, and just let it be. I guess it just svcks after investing a certain amount of time, money, energy, etc. I'll have to get back to building myself up and not let myself act like such a puppy next time.