"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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To me Approach Anxiety (AA) is a combination of fear of rejection and stage freight.

Nutz

Master Don Juan
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To me Approach Anxiety (AA) is a combination of fear of rejection and stage freight. The #1 fear American's have isn't of dying, it's of giving a speech in public. Well, guess what you're doing when you're doing cold approach? That's right, it's public speaking, just with highly focused subject matter towards a given audience, in this case it's women you find attractive.

So how do we go about mitigating AA? First, you've got to approach over and over. The more you do it the more acclimated you'll become to the nervous feelings associated with the stage freight aspect. Second, you'll need some positive reinforcement to build up your confidence. This is where structured approach comes into play. With a well structured approach you can up your odds of having positive outcomes which in turn builds confidence over the long run. Granted this is a subject for another thread all together.

Anyway, over time once you have your confidence and are somewhat acclimated to the nervous energy that comes with approaching strangers, you can take off the training wheels and see how things go naturally. Once you've accomplished this self-improvement it's not uncommon to find things that didn't work in the past to actually go in your favor now. That's the difference having confidence in your own ability and being comfortable in your own skin can make.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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