Those of you who used to be AFC:s....

[K-man]

Hey guys,

Just a quick question for you:

Those of you who used to belong firmly in the AFC camp but have managed to step up your game, do you still find it hard to maintain your "DJ" beahaviour in certain situations?

I'm asking because I have myself made great strides the last decade, working har on my confidence and my awareness of how te way I act and talk around women is percepted.

But sometimes I REALLY have to put ALL my mental energy in order to stay away from my AFC ways of thinking.

For example, theres is a VERY attractive women in my social circles that I'm seriously into and so far she's been very responsive.

But the thing is that I when she's around I'm constantly fighting my impulses or the AFC within will emerge, hitting on all cylinders!

10 years ago, I would have given her a begging look, telling her that she's the most fantastic ever, asked her to be the mother of my babies and to always be by my side.

So far I have managed well. But I have to think and resist. Be 100 percent aware. This second. Next second. and the one after that.

This takes the focus of a zen-master!

Do sny of you recognize this? Anys hints?

Cheers

 

[Strelok]

Most of the guys here comes from an afc time mostly because it's the original programming we received from parents and school at young age so its common to have the impulse to move back in that state in particular occasions.

That's why the suggestion to spin plates and reach a good status,i think any man in the wrong place/conditions would turn afc back probably,so it's important for us to have it clear in our mind to avoid it.

 

[jophil28]

10 years ago, I would have given her a begging look, telling her that she's the most fantastic ever, asked her to be the mother of my babies and to always be by my side.

Do sny of you recognize this? Anys hints?

Cheers

Whenever I feel that old wuss emerging, I just 'shut the F up' !
I say nothing , do nothing - I go 'statue ' until the urge to say something gushy passes.
Silence and inaction- I just give her an indifferent look without a word... This gives me a chance to stabilize and assemble my next DJ tactics.

 

[DangNammit]

I'd like to say I'm beyond AFC status, but I'd say I'm still 50% AFC... I am trying hard though.

Jophil - you are so right, there are times I feel this absolute need to declare my feeling to a gal - in the past I would. Now, I say it to myself or text it to myself, but I ain't spewing on them.

K-man - All I can say is you are on the right track. Be mindful of yourself and your behaviors - observe your urges and recognize them before acting on them. Hopefully in time things will become second-nature.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm at a point in my life where I've been having a few of these AFC Tenancies popping up. But if you were in the relationship that I just ended, you probably would too.

But I generally don't have a problem with fighting off the old AFC way of thinking and behaving. I've found something that works when it comes to attracting women, and I KNOW if I don't stick with it, I won't get the results I want. My confidence is high, so I generally don't worry about that.

I also don't have much connection with the garbage that's being fed to humans by society. I don't have cable TV, I don't listen to the radio much, and I rarely watch movies. I constantly live in my own reality, and see things the way I want to see them. It's easier when you don't have the media trying to make you believe that romance and 'happily ever after' are the real keys to life.

 

[Dukester101]

I think Strelok said it best.

We all have AFC "programmed" into us from the start. That's why it's so hard for some to accept the DJ ways. It's like trying to teach an old dog a new trick.

I think all of the successful DJs have the same AFC tendancies, they just refuse to act on them (self control). Some people revert once they're comfortable in a relationship, then wonder why the woman left!

It's kinda like having (dork reference) light side and dark side thinking. We all have a little bit of dark side (AFC), some just tend to act more on it than others. Some just suppress it better than others.

 

[speed dawg]

I honestly think I've killed all of it. I completely embraced the change a few years ago....and since then, I've noticed I can keep girls around + alot more respect from people in general. Once I started seeing the payoffs and the changes in my fortune, I knew that I had been thinking wrong all those years. The picture has never been so clear as it is now.

 

[hansol]

I'm still doing my best to be constitent with interactions, but one thing that never fails is that as soon as you think "This girl is different. I can break my rules just this once." things immediately go to **** and end in a giant fireball. This happens with 100% frequency (much to my dismay.)

So now, I tend to bite my tongue, and try and do the exact opposite of what the AFC-mindset is telling me. No fireballs yet, so I think it works ok.

 

[Colossus]

I'm just coming out a 1 year relationship, and towards the end there I noticed some AFC behaviors starting to crop up. Nothing major, but a step back from the right mindset.

Problem is, if you let this go too far you will start to lose frame and eventually she will lose respect for you. Women don't necessarily classify this type of behavior, but they are aware of it and see it as you beginning to hand over leadership to her. And she will take it, if you let her.

It can easily happen in LTRs, because you let your guard down. Not that you should always be "guarding" yourself from a woman, but you cant just take a passive role about leadership or let your emotions get the best of you when she pushes your buttons. Because she WILL push your buttons eventually, and if she senses she is with a man weaker than herself she'll walk all over you like a rug.

 

[K-man]

Thanks guys for your interesting replies!

Unfortunately I realized today that I still have a long way to go because I meet this lady today and failed miserably...

Any tips on how to handle your mind when it goes into "wannashowerherwithkissesandrosesandbeghertokissme-overdrive?

 

[Kailex]

Thanks guys for your interesting replies!

Unfortunately I realized today that I still have a long way to go because I meet this lady today and failed miserably...

Any tips on how to handle your mind when it goes into "wannashowerherwithkissesandrosesandbeghertokissme-overdrive?

Spin plates.
What happened today?

Is this someone you were meeting for the first time or what?
Need to be a little more descriptive on what's going on in order to tell you how to work with it.

If you only have one option, then it's easier to slip into AFC airspace. If you have more options, you won't care... because you have more options.

Remember, women aren't that amazing that you'd want to pedestalize. Every woman is flawed in her own way. What hurts us is thinking that she's some magical princess that is the end-all of women and believing that there will never be another woman like her.

In reality, this princess probably has just as many issues as anyone else.

 

[K-man]

Kailex,

I tried to kiss her (which I have done before) but she refuted for the reason that in the next room were some of her colleagues and her manager and she didn't want them to see.
I got a little to persistant but finally had to let her go.

No biggie, I guess.

But you have a point, I need more plates!

 

[hansol]

Any tips on how to handle your mind when it goes into "wannashowerherwithkissesandrosesandbeghertokissme-overdrive?

Realize that that is the quickest way to being a broke chump as is possible. She will milk you for everything then own, then bugger off to some other random who doesn't waste his money on her. It's rather ironic.

 

[DanelMadr]

First, before I forget it, I'd like to dispute the statement about media. Yes most of it is gay but can you remember Indiana Jones, Bruce Willis, James Bond? Yeah we all thought it is just possible in the movies and to some extent that is truth but the core idea was there and yet we let it go.
Yes parents were not much of a help, no strong real word male characters or there were some but they provided no wisdom concerning women.

Yet we can't blame media or society....it was our fear which made us blind. And our courage shall make us see again.

Yeah, taking thinks a bit too personally, being disappointed, speaking or not speaking out of undefined fear of losing or committing. That are my sins. But I wouldn't beat myself because of it...just a little slap I suppose:crazy:

Unless one becomes hysterical about things I believe a good woman should be forgiving. If you fail one test...don't panic or you fail completely. And as I said if a woman can't forgive you one staggering, she is not a keeper.

 

[Amazing]

Love with your mind not your heart.

I still get the urge to think things like "omg she could be my gf/the one?!" when I meet a great girl.

Usually I wake up the next day and say "wtf was I thinking?"

balance it, give her passion in the bedroom and time to time, but at the same time show her the edge, slap her butt, tease her, look at other women.. etc

what I do is try to have other women on my mind, act like she needs to win ME over, and I am the one who needs to be happy. If I don't like some things she does I will show her by withholding attention

she NEEDS to have you play that part or she thinks she got you and you ain't going anywhere, that's when she gets bored.

Just ask any married guy

 

[Don Israel]

...

So far I have managed well. But I have to think and resist. Be 100 percent aware. This second. Next second. and the one after that.

This takes the focus of a zen-master!

...

lol
This is one of the reasons that some people become zen-masters: to always be "in the zone" no matter what....




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