The value of an intimacy close...

[Colossus]

I know this is DJ 101, but sometimes when you are out of the loop (read: ltr) for awhile you gotta brush up on those basics.

I had a girl over last night that ive been eyeing for awhile, we go to school together and i always thought she had that nerdy-cute thing going on, plus an amazing a$$.

So to cut to the chase, I ask her to study w. me for a class...went great, clear IOI's the whole night. We started talking about dinner and she made a few covert references to eating together, so i asker over and she ends up staying the night. We're in bed and she is clearly doing the nuzzle thing waiting for me to kiss and go from there...but for some reason I just wasnt feeling that sexual charge. It was still a good night and i dont think i crushed anything, but I realized how some sort of intimacy close would have sealed it. She is young and eager...but i definitely left her hanging.

Anyone ever been there where you basically have it on a platter, but you dont feel compelled to go for it?

 

[Bible_Belt]

She got in your bed, and and you wouldn't kiss her? What more can you ask of her? That's as engraved of an invitation as you will ever get.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Hesitate and ye are lost.

 

[joekerr31]

yep thats happened with me.

i have a theory as to why it happens - its kind of related to the pedastle phenomena, but its not the same.

99.9% of human beings go through life 'wanting'. we want all kinds of things. no matter how much we have we always feel as though something is missing. about .01% of people actually feel utterly and totally fulfilled with their life - and those tend to be people who are either 1) delusional 2) born with a horseshoe up their *ss or 3) possessing a unique spiritual nature (ie. buddhists, etc.)

so we are constantly looking at the external world for things that will fill our 'want'. women are one of those things.

but as you get older and have messed around with enough women, you come to realize that they don't feel the need. they offer, at best, a temporary reprieve.

the result becomes your enthusiasm over women is not always peaked. an 18 year old doesn't know any of these things and is running about in life with all these fantasies in his head that hes trying to make come true. one of those fantasies is that women lead to some kind of magical ever lasting bliss. so when he gets a woman nuzzling up to him, he's going to act on that like a hungry dog acts on a juicy steak.

but for the mature man, if he's for whatever the reason not in the mood for sex, the impact on his mood is minimal. because he does not read in to her behavior - he does not associate an impact on his future well being from it - and as a result he does not value it much.

anyway, im not being very concise today cuz im rushing through this. but basically i have found this happens to me, and i do believe it comes from the realization that while a woman may make me feel good for a short period of time, most of them will have no bearing on my long term happiness.

so if at a given time im not horny and not really looking to get laid, a chic can nuzzle me all she wants and it doesn't really get my endorphines pumpings like it would when iw as 18.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm like Joe. Sex is no longer the end all be all.

There have been several times in the recent past where I was in a situation with a woman that back in the day I would have either

A) Fukked her silly (or at least tried)

or

B) Layed there frustrated that she passed out before I worked up the balls to make a move

Hell, A few months ago I had two chicks in my bed, one that has a thing for me that I fooled around with in the past, the other I had just started messing with. It was after a party and there was a guy on the floor (don't ask why I had so many ppl in my room.....long story) which was the only obstacle between me hooking up with at least one of them.

The funny thing about it is that I wasn't laying there with a hard-on thinking how bad I wanna fukk these two chicks, I was more like "This sucks! It's 150 freakin degrees laying here between these two and as hard as they are trying neither one of them can seem to get CLOSE ENOUGH to me. MOVE, I NEED SOME SPACE ALREADY!"

So, no, there's nothing wrong with you.

 

[mzilla2]

Anyone ever been there where you basically have it on a platter, but you dont feel compelled to go for it?

Not when I was younger, but now? Definitely. While one might argue you shouldn't be gettin' chicks you dont wanna do into your bed, sometimes it just ends up that way...

I try to use the "PER" evaluation technique now. PER meaning "post ejaculatory regret": We've all been there haven't we...

"OMG what did I just do? Why? Arggh!"

So now, often I evaluate the degree of it that you think I will experience and wave off, but not after some foolin'... Just make sure yer hard and they know that - dont want a bad rep gettin' out... LOL

 

[jophil28]

I know this is DJ 101, but sometimes when you are out of the loop (read: ltr) for awhile you gotta brush up on those basics.

I had a girl over last night that ive been eyeing for awhile, we go to school together and i always thought she had that nerdy-cute thing going on, plus an amazing a$$.

So to cut to the chase, I ask her to study w. me for a class...went great, clear IOI's the whole night. We started talking about dinner and she made a few covert references to eating together, so i asker over and she ends up staying the night. We're in bed and she is clearly doing the nuzzle thing waiting for me to kiss and go from there...but for some reason I just wasnt feeling that sexual charge. It was still a good night and i dont think i crushed anything, but I realized how some sort of intimacy close would have sealed it. She is young and eager...but i definitely left her hanging.

Anyone ever been there where you basically have it on a platter, but you dont feel compelled to go for it?

You have raised her IL temporaily, BUT you need to seal the deal at the NEXT opportunity or she will slam you in the F zone.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I know this is DJ 101, but sometimes when you are out of the loop (read: ltr) for awhile you gotta brush up on those basics.

I had a girl over last night that ive been eyeing for awhile, we go to school together and i always thought she had that nerdy-cute thing going on, plus an amazing a$$.

So to cut to the chase, I ask her to study w. me for a class...went great, clear IOI's the whole night. We started talking about dinner and she made a few covert references to eating together, so i asker over and she ends up staying the night. We're in bed and she is clearly doing the nuzzle thing waiting for me to kiss and go from there...but for some reason I just wasnt feeling that sexual charge. It was still a good night and i dont think i crushed anything, but I realized how some sort of intimacy close would have sealed it. She is young and eager...but i definitely left her hanging.

Anyone ever been there where you basically have it on a platter, but you dont feel compelled to go for it?

Had you kissed her or done anything that would be considered intimate before getting her home?

 

[joekerr31]

PER is the worst. god i hate PER.

you sit there mentally kicking yourself in the balls. its like there is two yous and the you from earlier got you in to a mess that the present you really doesn't want to be in.

haha. gotta laugh at the dysfunctionality of the human psyche.

 

[odietamo]

PER is the worst. god i hate PER.

you sit there mentally kicking yourself in the balls. its like there is two yous and the you from earlier got you in to a mess that the present you really doesn't want to be in.

haha. gotta laugh at the dysfunctionality of the human psyche.

it's like that seinfeld bit about "day-life guy" and "night-life guy."

I never get enough sleep. I stay up late at night, cause I'm Night Guy. Night Guy wants to stay up late. 'What about getting up after five hours sleep?', oh that's Morning Guy's problem. That's not my problem, I'm Night Guy. I stay up as late as I want. So you get up in the morning, you're ..... (?), you're exhausted, groggy, oooh I hate that Night Guy! See, Night Guy always screws Morning Guy. There's nothing Morning Guy can do. The only Morning Guy can do is try and oversleep often enough so that Day Guy looses his job and Night Guy has no money to go out anymore.

 

[Mr.Positive]

PER is the worst. god i hate PER.

you sit there mentally kicking yourself in the balls. its like there is two yous and the you from earlier got you in to a mess that the present you really doesn't want to be in.

haha. gotta laugh at the dysfunctionality of the human psyche.

Yeah, it's a double edged sword sometimes. Either, you regret having done it (PER), or you regret having not gone for it (What's the matter with me?).

Sometimes it's best to just leave things as they happen, naturally, at that moment, and not question it.

 

[odietamo]

Yeah, it's a double edged sword sometimes. Either, you regret having done it (PER), or you regret having not gone for it (What's the matter with me?).

Sometimes it's best to just leave things as they happen, naturally, at that moment, and not question it.

as i get older i tend to appreciate much more the "bad things that were probably prevented" angle than the "good things that could have happened" side.