The Pectoral Paradox

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Julius_Seizeher

Master Don Juan

Jan 23, 2012

Over the last couple years, I have grown my pecs and shoulders while burning off whatever tiny gut I acquired from time to time. Now, I'm in the best shape that I've ever been; I'm big on top and narrow in the middle, and I can lift more than ever. My abs are only somewhat defined, but my stomach is totally flat.

Anyway, the problem I have now is that my pecs stick out so far that my shirts hang exactly like I've got a big gut under my clothes lol, I don't know what the answer is here, **** the dumb ****. It's only sweaters and winter stuff that does it, t-shirts fit fine.

I never thought clothes would make me look fat when I got bigger, I'll just go shirtless in the summer to make up for this bs

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.