Zion
Senior Don Juan
So as a young guy , I constantly have a lot of 'more experienced' people always tell me one of these two things:
1) The group in that always preaches that :"You're young man , you should just smash and dash every single chance you get. Never get tied down this young.This is the right way".
2) The opposing group: " Smash and dash is so shallow man. You gotta be brave enough to let yourself fall in love. Being in a 'serious' relatonship at a young age is amazing.This is the right way."
Now,in my opinion both parties are wrong. Not just wrong , but dead wrong. And I'll explain myself:
First things you need to know is that people that posses extreme point of views like "never get tied down" or "always look for something meaningful" do so not because it's a choice , but because it's their only choice. They are unable to experience the other side so they obviously defend their own 'beliefs' in order to self validate. It's they way the human ego tries to protects it's fragile self.
1. Ok , so my opinion on smash and dash.
It's awesome. It's amazing actually. Before being in my LTR I experienced this (proportionally to my age , ofcourse). Having sexual experiences with different girls was incredible ,for a while."You've never been so happy",right ? But then it became old. It was still great ,but , deep down , there was a certain desire for a more deeper connection,which is constantly growing and impossible to ignore.
As a consequence to this lifestyle , should you ever decide most you want girl to stick around , or on a more serious scale ,a family , you will most likely fail. You've never been 'committed' your entire life. You have no idea what to do and how to do it. Pure innocent love is a myth. Without knowing what you're doing,you'll simply crash and burn. Divorce is the best case scenario. Living in misery for years on end is the real nightmare.That quality chick you met won't wait around for yo' ass to grow up. And dramatic music playing in the background while you're confessing your undying love for her ? Useless.Unless you're an actor in a Holywood production.
You begin to hate yourself. You're quite capable of making a good first impression , but anyone who even remotely catches a glimps of your real self ...they don't walk away. No,they run.
"-My eyes are sore...why ?
That's simple. You never used them before.
2. Being tied down.
So when you finally meet a girl awesome enough and make an ambition of making her your girlfriend , the "rewards" of your success are fascinating. You never want the honeymoon feeling to end.
You eventually pop or hear the "I love you" for the first time. "You've never been so happy" , at this point. Needless to say after enough time passes(4 months , 10 ,20 ?) , things are still great , but within , another secret desire begins to grow.You crave your freedom.Even if she is the most non-possesive and non-jealous person you ever met , it's not going to make a difference. It's not her behavior that takes your freedom away , it's her mere presence in your life. You want that which you never had. You don't realize it , but it's tearing apart your beautiful love story.Your frustrations start to take control of your life.
The consequences to this are easy to see.Remember that story your best friend told you about the girl that gave him a BJ in the club bathroom and then never talked to again ? That's so shallow to you right ? You hate hearing of it ,don't you ?How about that FWB he has ? so disgusting... But why do you hate the concept of these things so intensely ? Simple ! Because you desperately want it ,but you feel unworthy of it. You do not understand how these concepts works. You're afraid that you couldn't pull it off. The desire becomes unbearable with each passing day.Your ego eventually fails to sustain it's shields. You have a family , a wife , seemingly you have it all. All - including the regrets of never experiencing that which you always wanted to. You think of yourself a loser and you will never be able to change that now. Denial will probably help you lie to your parents , colleagues and closest friends. But you will never be able to effectively lie to yourself. Your life does not match your blueprint.Depression kicks in.
You walk a broken man. Anyone who merely looks at you senses it. You're defeated.
So the pattern is obvious. The cycle is there for a reason. Those who chose to ignore it due to weakness , fear of inadequacy and lack of leadership over their own existence , those who do not take action desperately trying to defend their own reality - no matter how unrewarding it really is - by weak attempts of convincing themselves that they are those who are actively "doing it right" are in fact guaranteed to fail in the long run.
Never live your life in extremes. Fall in love at 16. You'll be amazed by it's uniqueness. Nothing can compare to it. Your heart will phucking pound so hard the entire room could hear it when you're contemplating the "I love you" for the first time. How about your first sexual experience with her ? She made you wait for 1 month. Maybe two even ? You're all alone and about to try and take her panties off now. Ah...the "back arc". That slight movement in her hips that is basically the green light for you while you're trying to get that last piece of clothing of off her ? It's not a mindless action anymore. It's like the toy you always wanted and you're finally,finally getting to open and play with it. Can you feel it ?
Following the same logic , DO go out and relentlessly phuck that gorgeous 10. Don't pursue a relationship with the party girl , but phuck her brains out like it's the first and last time you'll ever get your d!ck wet. Don't force yourself to overstay in a dried out relationship and for gods sake don't delude yourself that "meaningless sex" is not for you. You have not had it yet !. Not recently ,anyway. Yeah your LTR ended. And yeah you feel like you're skills are dull and rusty like an unsharpened blade. You have no idea of the euphoria you'll experience when you'll realize that even unsharpened , your blade can still score that killing blow.
A female friend of mine went through a recent brake-up after a long LTR. Her words summed the cycle up perfectly in my opinion:
"You know ,Z , when I was with him my 'spirit' was constantly begging me to go out ,have fun , live my youth. I though that it's what I wanted most dearly. And now...that we've broken up , I do go out. I do have fun. The time of my life every single night. But you see...at the end of the day , when I go to sleep...there's no "Good night baby".No "I love you". No text..no phonecall , nothing.Dead silence."
On an ending note , I have friends that are serial monogamists and friends that are wh0re-mongers alike. Both sides have a huge void they desperately try to fill. One is obsessed with going out and having fun , while the other is baffled that all though he can have any sloot he wants , he can never hold on to that 'quality' girl.
"- So you see , we all have both our dark and white knights."
"- Who are these knights ,Z ?"
"- The are the extremes. The Yin and Yang. The Light and Dark.They are in a constant battle of dominance. They fight each-other valiantly,ruthlessly."
"- But the white knight eventually wins,right ?"
"- Which knight do you want to win ?"
"- The white knight ,Z !"
"- Why , you fool ? Because society indoctrinates you to do so ? Are you a mindless drone that cannot think for himself ?"
"- But why would I want the dark knight to win ? What possible reason co-"
"- NO !"
"- No ?But I tho-"
"- The battle cannot end. The battle must not end.Neither knight can win. They must constantly challenge each other to grow stronger together.Don't you see ? If one knight should fall , it will only lead to the victor's self destruction. The knights are night and day - one cannot possibly exist without the other."
"- But how can you preserve such balance ?"
"- You calibrate."
"- How so ?"
"- You give the dark one a better sword , but you give the white one better armor , a stronger shield."
"- But isn't it easier to -"
"- Easy ? You're a man ! Life isn't supposed to be easy for you. Nothing you will ever love will come easily. True happiness is derived from passion. And passion is born from challenge."
Most importantly , time is your most valuable commodity. Every second you spend , you will never have it back.Be smart enough to walk the mid-lines of life and remember:
If you want to survive , you have to be willing to die.
1) The group in that always preaches that :"You're young man , you should just smash and dash every single chance you get. Never get tied down this young.This is the right way".
2) The opposing group: " Smash and dash is so shallow man. You gotta be brave enough to let yourself fall in love. Being in a 'serious' relatonship at a young age is amazing.This is the right way."
Now,in my opinion both parties are wrong. Not just wrong , but dead wrong. And I'll explain myself:
First things you need to know is that people that posses extreme point of views like "never get tied down" or "always look for something meaningful" do so not because it's a choice , but because it's their only choice. They are unable to experience the other side so they obviously defend their own 'beliefs' in order to self validate. It's they way the human ego tries to protects it's fragile self.
1. Ok , so my opinion on smash and dash.
It's awesome. It's amazing actually. Before being in my LTR I experienced this (proportionally to my age , ofcourse). Having sexual experiences with different girls was incredible ,for a while."You've never been so happy",right ? But then it became old. It was still great ,but , deep down , there was a certain desire for a more deeper connection,which is constantly growing and impossible to ignore.
As a consequence to this lifestyle , should you ever decide most you want girl to stick around , or on a more serious scale ,a family , you will most likely fail. You've never been 'committed' your entire life. You have no idea what to do and how to do it. Pure innocent love is a myth. Without knowing what you're doing,you'll simply crash and burn. Divorce is the best case scenario. Living in misery for years on end is the real nightmare.That quality chick you met won't wait around for yo' ass to grow up. And dramatic music playing in the background while you're confessing your undying love for her ? Useless.Unless you're an actor in a Holywood production.
You begin to hate yourself. You're quite capable of making a good first impression , but anyone who even remotely catches a glimps of your real self ...they don't walk away. No,they run.
"-My eyes are sore...why ?
That's simple. You never used them before.
2. Being tied down.
So when you finally meet a girl awesome enough and make an ambition of making her your girlfriend , the "rewards" of your success are fascinating. You never want the honeymoon feeling to end.
You eventually pop or hear the "I love you" for the first time. "You've never been so happy" , at this point. Needless to say after enough time passes(4 months , 10 ,20 ?) , things are still great , but within , another secret desire begins to grow.You crave your freedom.Even if she is the most non-possesive and non-jealous person you ever met , it's not going to make a difference. It's not her behavior that takes your freedom away , it's her mere presence in your life. You want that which you never had. You don't realize it , but it's tearing apart your beautiful love story.Your frustrations start to take control of your life.
The consequences to this are easy to see.Remember that story your best friend told you about the girl that gave him a BJ in the club bathroom and then never talked to again ? That's so shallow to you right ? You hate hearing of it ,don't you ?How about that FWB he has ? so disgusting... But why do you hate the concept of these things so intensely ? Simple ! Because you desperately want it ,but you feel unworthy of it. You do not understand how these concepts works. You're afraid that you couldn't pull it off. The desire becomes unbearable with each passing day.Your ego eventually fails to sustain it's shields. You have a family , a wife , seemingly you have it all. All - including the regrets of never experiencing that which you always wanted to. You think of yourself a loser and you will never be able to change that now. Denial will probably help you lie to your parents , colleagues and closest friends. But you will never be able to effectively lie to yourself. Your life does not match your blueprint.Depression kicks in.
You walk a broken man. Anyone who merely looks at you senses it. You're defeated.
So the pattern is obvious. The cycle is there for a reason. Those who chose to ignore it due to weakness , fear of inadequacy and lack of leadership over their own existence , those who do not take action desperately trying to defend their own reality - no matter how unrewarding it really is - by weak attempts of convincing themselves that they are those who are actively "doing it right" are in fact guaranteed to fail in the long run.
Never live your life in extremes. Fall in love at 16. You'll be amazed by it's uniqueness. Nothing can compare to it. Your heart will phucking pound so hard the entire room could hear it when you're contemplating the "I love you" for the first time. How about your first sexual experience with her ? She made you wait for 1 month. Maybe two even ? You're all alone and about to try and take her panties off now. Ah...the "back arc". That slight movement in her hips that is basically the green light for you while you're trying to get that last piece of clothing of off her ? It's not a mindless action anymore. It's like the toy you always wanted and you're finally,finally getting to open and play with it. Can you feel it ?
Following the same logic , DO go out and relentlessly phuck that gorgeous 10. Don't pursue a relationship with the party girl , but phuck her brains out like it's the first and last time you'll ever get your d!ck wet. Don't force yourself to overstay in a dried out relationship and for gods sake don't delude yourself that "meaningless sex" is not for you. You have not had it yet !. Not recently ,anyway. Yeah your LTR ended. And yeah you feel like you're skills are dull and rusty like an unsharpened blade. You have no idea of the euphoria you'll experience when you'll realize that even unsharpened , your blade can still score that killing blow.
A female friend of mine went through a recent brake-up after a long LTR. Her words summed the cycle up perfectly in my opinion:
"You know ,Z , when I was with him my 'spirit' was constantly begging me to go out ,have fun , live my youth. I though that it's what I wanted most dearly. And now...that we've broken up , I do go out. I do have fun. The time of my life every single night. But you see...at the end of the day , when I go to sleep...there's no "Good night baby".No "I love you". No text..no phonecall , nothing.Dead silence."
On an ending note , I have friends that are serial monogamists and friends that are wh0re-mongers alike. Both sides have a huge void they desperately try to fill. One is obsessed with going out and having fun , while the other is baffled that all though he can have any sloot he wants , he can never hold on to that 'quality' girl.
"- So you see , we all have both our dark and white knights."
"- Who are these knights ,Z ?"
"- The are the extremes. The Yin and Yang. The Light and Dark.They are in a constant battle of dominance. They fight each-other valiantly,ruthlessly."
"- But the white knight eventually wins,right ?"
"- Which knight do you want to win ?"
"- The white knight ,Z !"
"- Why , you fool ? Because society indoctrinates you to do so ? Are you a mindless drone that cannot think for himself ?"
"- But why would I want the dark knight to win ? What possible reason co-"
"- NO !"
"- No ?But I tho-"
"- The battle cannot end. The battle must not end.Neither knight can win. They must constantly challenge each other to grow stronger together.Don't you see ? If one knight should fall , it will only lead to the victor's self destruction. The knights are night and day - one cannot possibly exist without the other."
"- But how can you preserve such balance ?"
"- You calibrate."
"- How so ?"
"- You give the dark one a better sword , but you give the white one better armor , a stronger shield."
"- But isn't it easier to -"
"- Easy ? You're a man ! Life isn't supposed to be easy for you. Nothing you will ever love will come easily. True happiness is derived from passion. And passion is born from challenge."
Most importantly , time is your most valuable commodity. Every second you spend , you will never have it back.Be smart enough to walk the mid-lines of life and remember:
If you want to survive , you have to be willing to die.
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