the ballsiest pickup that didn't work

[md3sign]

This completely happened out of the blue last night. I haven't done a cold pickup outside of a party for about 3 months, and even then I only did about 5 ever.

I decided to stop by the bank on my way back from the gym to deposit my check. I get in line and it's pretty crowded - there's around 10 people waiting, some in front, some behind. At any given moment there are about 10 people in small room (it's not a complete bank but like a mini bank that has its own room inside a grocery store).

So it's my turn and there are 2 cashiers; I lucked out and got the skinny HB8. I wasn't going to attempt anything but then she asked me how I say my name (it's Russian and no one pronounces it correctly) so I said take a guess and we ended up having a 2 min convo about our names, her asking me where I came from, me asking her where she came from, how our names get misspelled/mispronounced, etc etc. I don't know why, but I decided to try and pull a number.

I asked her if she had one of those cards that the workers get and she said "no I'm not special enough for one of those yet", so I took one of the other cards and wrote her name on the back, asking her if that's how she spelled it. She said close .. anyway I wrote a # on it and asked if she wanted to hang out and got the BF line, at which point I said something stupid like "*laugh* well can't blame a guy for trying" (I know I know) but ended it with a smile on my face and said "have a great night" and walked out. This was with about 10 people behind me.

I felt pretty good about the whole thing because 1) I wasn't even planning on it 2) I didn't feel nervous, I just decided to go for it and 3) even though it didn't work I felt good knowing that I had the balls to try in front of all those people and that I would have felt like crap had I walked out without giving it a shot.

Now that my rant is over, I would like to get some opinions as to WHY it didn't work.

1) She could have a BF, so it might be legit. But we all know that doesn't stop girls if you play your cards right.

2) I know you guys talk a lot about isolating a girl - she was anything but. She was right next to a co-worker, in a work environment, with a bunch of other people around. This hadn't really crossed my mind until later. In retrospect I'm not sure if it would have even been possible to pull this off given the circumstance unless I was Brad Pitt or very VERY smooth.

3) She did seem interested. I've been coming to that bank for almost a year now and talked to almost everyone who works there and no one has asked me about my name, my origin, etc etc.

Thoughts?

Oh well, at least she had something to talk about with her co-worker and it was the first rejection I actually didn't feel bad about

 

[Cod3r]

1) She could have a BF, so it might be legit. But we all know that doesn't stop girls if you play your cards right.

'I have a boyfriend' is the easiest and quickest retort to a PU. I worked in sales for sometime and the first thing I learned is that someone will always say the first thing that comes to their head to avoid listening to you, even if they ultimately want what you're selling...

A girl that says, "sorry I have a bf" isn't saying (IMHO) "I'm not attracted to you" or "I'm in a committed relationship and don't want to cheat", she's basically saying the first thing that enters into her head as a result to conditioning against being PU'd by guys whom she has no interest in....

It's like when telemarketers call you or anyone calls you and tries to sell you something, immediately before you even know what they are selling you say, "not interested" even if its something you badly needed, its a conditional response that humans have from bad people trying to sell us stuff we don't need, we just become numb now to anyone selling us anything...

Girls get bad PU lines and arseholes trying to pick them up everyday and hence use the quickest thing to get out of the situation and keep it moving and that's "I have a boyfriend". So when you're trying to pick her up, you're getting her natural response to that situation, you're stimulating her conditioned responses... and that's WRONG

--

Now that my rant is over, I would like to get some opinions as to WHY it didn't work.

You're whole problem and most guys problems are that they set off the conditional responses and once set off, its harder to complete the pickup...

Your game in general seems weak (no offense btw) as do most guys here. You have to learn how to progress a pickup in a way that says "I just like having conversations" and where the girl dosen't feel she has to get rid of you and keep it moving...

Personally, when i used to "pick up" my motto was to NEVER ask for a phone# at the end of a conversation as that is the social trigger that triggers their built up natural and conditioned response, whether that be...

"I have a boyfriend"
"I don't have a cell phone"
ect...

My game is completely different than most peoples as it requires no chasing of females, when i approach i approach confidently and begin to speak. I will continue speaking and conversing with the woman until eventually she ends the conversation or it becomes boring or repettitive. If she ends the conversation I accept it, thank her for her time and continue to move on with my life...

Now of course you're asking yourself, but how do you get numbers ??


More often than not, after many sets like this, I am so used to walking away with a good conversation that they will saysomething like...


"So you just wanted to ask that?"
"Is that all you wanted?"
"You're not going to ask for my number?"
"Umm ok"


That's my key to #close as now I've properly reframed the whole encounter into something that has NO conditioned response and now I can freely get her real opinion of me, if she feels me she gladly gives me the number, if not she'll deny and I know its not out of a conditioned response, but naturally we just didn't vibe or maybe she actually does have a bf or something...


Don't get stuck getting conditioned responses... that's most guys problem


-COd3r

 

[md3sign]

Very interesting post, I will definitely take that into consideration. It also seems to lighten the load as you're just there to have a good convo and not worry about getting the # close. Kind of like waiting for a cue. I should have a lot of opportunities this weekend with some things I have going on, so I'll give it a try and just work on my flirting game and having normal, fun conversations. And yes my game is weak lol.

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ Also remember that what works for me, might not be right for you...

My natural personality is kind of aloof and non-caring, so maybe my body language or voice tone or something else is doing something attractive that makes them not want to let me go, that i'm unaware of...

Don't think this wknd will lead you into an epiphany about women and how to pick them up bro, you can take my tips but remember that my whole gaming process has been tweaked alongside my natural personality and through much trial and error.. don't look for the quick fix


-Cod3r

 

[md3sign]

Nah I'm not looking for some dramatic change. Just mentioned that I'll be around a lot of females this weekend (more than most weekends) so it'll be a good opportunity to work on my social skills and raise my comfort level around women even more. I gave up going into situations with a planned outcome in mind a few months ago .. it just screws you up and random positive outcomes are more fun anyway

 

[ValleyDJing]

Cold approaches blow anyways. I think Coder is right. Just start conversations with no agenda. If you get the number at the end, great. If not, then I usually just wait to see if I run across the chick again. If she recognizes you, then thats a good sign. Might not work in a big ass city like new york (might not ever see the chick again with a pop of like 8 million). I don't know where you live, even here in Fresno (pop half mil) its kinda tough. But this is how I worked in my old town cause there was only like 20,000 people in the town. You couldn't go to the grocery store without seeing like a dozen people you know.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Cold approaches blow anyways. I think Coder is right. Just start conversations with no agenda.

They don't blow there actually pretty fun and provide many tought situations. Non the less I had similar situation which I will get into at the end.

One thing I notice was there was no hook, all it really was, was small talk. When you're in situations where the girl is working and time is very limited, its best to get that attraction QUICK. Qualify and base the qualifying off of the reason why you wanted her number. This will better your chances even though it isn't solid, you never know if she will answer your call or not.

Its kind of like my situation in gaming a girl who works at a subway. Its crowded and they have to keep on moving, so you need to gain attraction quickly and fast before they have to go to there next customer. So I'm there telling her what I want while doing quick cold reads and a quick story to her co worker. I then tell her that is the best sandwich ever (More like the spiciest) so I tell the co worker to take a bite. (Knowing that she'd say no because her buying temperature wasn't that high.) So I tell my target too and she quickly said she'd do it...but it was the manager that she seen and that attraction was going down hill because now she is thinking logical again.

Now keep in mind there are like 7 other people behind me after I get my food she realizes that she won't go move by the tables with me because the manager. But I quickly gained attraction again and lead told her "Forget him come here." and she quickly went over there took a bite of the sandwich loved it and went back.

Now I know I should've # closed but her manager was probably looking didn't want her to get in trouble and I know for a fact that I'll see her again.

But the basic thing about those quick approaches is gaining attraction within the first 10 seconds and getting her in a good enough state to give you her number.

 

[DarkLight]

My observations...!?

Your PU w. her was a genuine interaction. And that creates a different dynamic. Why? Cause its real. Its who you both are, minus the games. So being honest is the theme, thus in such a short period of time rapping w. her... you'd have to had created something truly magical, to have pulled her. Cause she'd be going out on a big limb, to give you her number (revealing her interest) in an honest context.

You see, most of the little PU dynamics we learn here work on other levels. They create the opportunity for sub-communication. Thus the ability to potentially hide in the conversation if needed. This is beneficial for both (the Man, and Woman). On top of that... such levels create tension. They're feisty and fun. So it then allows a woman to respond in such a manner as well.

Now I'm not saying genuine straight up conversations can't lead to a PU. But, for some of the reasons I stated above, it can definetly be harder in a short period of time. Its like your forcing a chick to bank on the 1-2min interaction, when she doesn't really know. Thus the unsureness, translates to being safe, and passing.

Wherin, a fun, BS, cool little interaction could lead to an easy number drop. Cause she isn't really banking on sh!t. The relating wasn't a truthful relating, so to speak, so her giving you her number isn't really a banking on who you are, or what it could be.

I hope your following what I'm saying, cause these little details of difference, can turn into linguistic blah.

To clarify... let me explain, how your situation could have worked out. If the level of both of your honest interaction was just fvcking AMAZING. Something so magical, that ignowledging it carried no risk, as it was that APPARENT for both. And being so... was more a delight to see further, whats going on. The other being... if you could have rapped it w. her for longer. Giving yourself a chance to play, and laugh, and push/pull, and create something more dynamic than the 2min of naked genuineness.

Other than that insight, which I'm just stressing to deeper levels to give you something to consider and grow from. Excellent. I commend your on the spot balls, going for it. Such rejections feel good, as you know you acted w. courage, and the interaction was still enjoyable for both. Good job! Keep up the confidence and trust in yourself... as it can create more of such situations, that result in the connections we're after. As well as, up your esteem, and give you a plethora of scenarios to learn from. So bottom line, Cheers man!

SuaveOn'

 

[ValleyDJing]

Cold approaches blow anyways. I think Coder is right. Just start conversations with no agenda. If you get the number at the end, great. If not, then I usually just wait to see if I run across the chick again. If she recognizes you, then thats a good sign. Might not work in a big ass city like new york (might not ever see the chick again with a pop of like 8 million). I don't know where you live, even here in Fresno (pop half mil) its kinda tough. But this is how I worked in my old town cause there was only like 20,000 people in the town. You couldn't go to the grocery store without seeing like a dozen people you know.

I love myself. I just got back from the store where I was behind this Jessica Simpson look alike in line. The chick at the register had to go call a manager so we stood there waiting for her to come back, small talk, had a few laughs while we took some jabs at the lady who was making us wait. As I'm leaving the parking lot, we drive by each other. She was driving a Mustang. I drive a Mustang! She's perfect! haha! Anyhow, now I wait to see if I run across her again. Shouldn't be too hard, cuz her car stands out pretty well. And bam I've got another opener if she recognizes me. "I like your taste in cars".