"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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The 90/10 Principle

Desdinova

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I got this in an email today, and thought it was very true. I apply much of this to my own life to keep it as low-stress as possible, so I thought I'd share.

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Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life.

What is the 90/10 Principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%.
The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for
placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy
crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school.
She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed
limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive
at school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your
briefcase.
Your day has started terribly.
As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find
a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you.
Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next
time."
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs.
After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase,
you come back down in time to look through the window and see your
child getting on the bus.
She turns and waves.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.
If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge.
Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting
stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?
Do you lose your temper?
Pound on the steering wheel?
A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off!
Do you curse?
Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at
work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated?
It will work out.
Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.
Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle.
Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible.
Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials,
problems and heartache.
There never seem to be a success in life.
Bad days follow bad days.
Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time.
Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to
the fullest.
Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.

Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different!
Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It will change your life.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Unregistered

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This idea is somewhat similiar to Stoic philosophy. Stoicism dictates that to live a happy life, you must base your happiness on what you have complete control over - namely, your mental processes/reactions/attitude/actions. It's a very liberating idea when you think about it...the idea that your happiness is based on you and nothing else. It teaches calculated reason over irrational emotions. It's good shiite.
 

grinder

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This is excellent. I remember in college (vaguely) we studied "locus of control" by Phillip Zimbardo. Their are some excellent offshoots here too, like "Noogenisis" or learned helplessness.
 

Mitch_Mustain

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i like this idea

Like uhh

I'm at the lake with my friends and they "accidentally" bring a cooler full of Bud Light. I can react by either grabbing one and chugging it down, and proceed to down more and get drunk and plastered get on the boat and drive it into a rock wall or I can refuse the beer, smoke some weed and eat everyone's ribs.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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I don't know about the percentages but I completely agree with the premise.
 

guess_who

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Wow, I was actually having a really ****ty day until I read this post. Great stuff! Francisco, I love the quote in your sig as well.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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guess_who said:
Wow, I was actually having a really ****ty day until I read this post. Great stuff! Francisco, I love the quote in your sig as well.
Kinda energizing when you realize just how much power you have over yourself if only you choose to use it, huh?:up:
 

kav_3

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Wow, great post man, all the stuff said in there is all true and something I didn't really realize or take into account until now.
 

Jariel

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I enjoyed reading that post!

I have lived with a similar philosophy for years and I definitely agree it applies. Basically for every action there is a consequence.

If you are nasty to someone, they are going to retaliate, affect your mood, your thoughts and actions. This is why it pays to be a good person and respectful to others. Smile and the world smiles with you, the saying goes.

I don't believe in karma in the reincarnation, spiritual justice sense. This is how I interpret karma.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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sifer

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Is there a way to translate that to another language? I want the entire thing in Japanese and Chinese. I know people who definitely need this. Angry bunch.
 

Vulpine

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Yeah, I've been kinda living this way for the better part of my adult life. I've beaten and kicked by the b!tch that is life... until I just expected the beatings. Now, oddly, I don't get nearly as many "beat downs". Things just happen, and happen, and all you can do is know that they've happened and "deal with it".

Nowadays, people are shocked at how "zenlike" I am in the face of negativity. Protect your mellow! Don't let silly sh!t harsh your mellow.

Fun is just a smile on your face. And, when you can make changing a flat tire fun - you're just about there.

Think of the car crash scene in Fight Club:
"Stop trying to control everything and JUST LET GO!!!"
"FINE!" *lets go of the wheel*
"Fine."
*Swerve... Crash*
"HaHAhaHAAA!"
 
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