Telling them to not contact us = make us look weak & give them upper hand?

[Fela Kuti]

Hi guys,

If we go NC by telling them clearly to not contact us, wouldn't it make us look weak and give them the upper hand? It's like they'd say "Ha! Apparently I still occupy your life so much that even a slight communication will break you down."

 

[Alex DeLarge]

The point of going NC is because that person affects you emotionally and they don't feel the same way back. So you have to go NC to lose those emotions. Yes it is a weak move, but you have to do what you have to do to overcome.

I wouldn't be so worried what the girl thinks. If they're really going to think in such a shallow miss princess b1tch manner, they can fvck off.

 

[st_99]

If you think it makes you look weak and gives her the upper hand, then you are weak and it gives her the upper hand. Simple as that.

There's a great line from the movie 'Road House' with patrick swayze

When he was explaining to the other bouncers how they should conduct
themeselves on the job and be professionals...

"If somebody gets in your face and calls you a c0cksucker, I want you to be nice."

"OK."

"Ask him to walk, be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice.
If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you. And you'll both be nice.
I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal. "

"Uh-huh."

"Being called a c0cksucker isn't personal?"

"No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response."

"What if somebody calls my mama a wh0re?"

"Is she?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojPVOhHhwnk

if you're wondering what that has to do with your question.. think about it. Who controls the frame? You or her?
Are you leading or reacting? How about you own the situation at hand instead of letting what she may say or think
influence what you need to do.

 

[runner83]

Hi guys,

If we go NC by telling them clearly to not contact us, wouldn't it make us look weak and give them the upper hand? It's like they'd say "Ha! Apparently I still occupy your life so much that even a slight communication will break you down."

If you decide to go no contact, never ever actually say that you are going to do this.

If you explicitly say that you are going NC, it makes you look like a loser, as in your text.

But if you never say it and just fade away, she may wonder what you are up to and get in touch again. If you want to reignite things, this is then your chance, otherwise just keep things vague or don't respond if you don't want to see her again.

And if you go NC and never hear from her again, you've saved a lot of time not spent on a chick who isn't interested.

 

[Fela Kuti]

If you decide to go no contact, never ever actually say that you are going to do this.

If you explicitly say that you are going NC, it makes you look like a loser, as in your text.

But if you never say it and just fade away, she may wonder what you are up to and get in touch again. If you want to reignite things, this is then your chance, otherwise just keep things vague or don't respond if you don't want to see her again.

And if you go NC and never hear from her again, you've saved a lot of time not spent on a chick who isn't interested.

actually I've been doing the fade away thing with the ex and I'm sure she gets it but she seems to always found a reason to contact me. and helplessly, I sometimes respond and we would have a long chat and this would set me back. so I'm thinking of saying it explicitly.

 

[tomato]

If you decide to go no contact, never ever actually say that you are going to do this.

If you explicitly say that you are going NC, it makes you look like a loser, as in your text.

But if you never say it and just fade away, she may wonder what you are up to and get in touch again. If you want to reignite things, this is then your chance, otherwise just keep things vague or don't respond if you don't want to see her again.

And if you go NC and never hear from her again, you've saved a lot of time not spent on a chick who isn't interested.

**** I just did this - I said we shouldnt see each other anymore because it would hurt her and I just felt that way. I thought it would put me in the dumper frame no (therefore her chase me rather than other way) - this could work right? Whats the problem with what I said and what can I do to fix it?

 

[Fela Kuti]

**** I just did this - I said we shouldnt see each other anymore because it would hurt her and I just felt that way. I thought it would put me in the dumper frame no (therefore her chase me rather than other way) - this could work right? Whats the problem with what I said and what can I do to fix it?

IMO there's not a problem in what you said. And yeah, I think telling her that could turn the table a bit.

 

[tomato]

IMO there's not a problem in what you said. And yeah, I think telling her that could turn the table a bit.

thanks for the input - it could work - I told her not to contact me anymore because I wouldnt respond and I dont want her to get annoyed???? Was that stupid - now she wont want to break NC right? - Although I do always have the option i suppose

this is directly relevant:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=191072

anyone on here care to input?

THanks

 

[nismo-4]

If you decide to go no contact, never ever actually say that you are going to do this.

If you explicitly say that you are going NC, it makes you look like a loser, as in your text.

But if you never say it and just fade away, she may wonder what you are up to and get in touch again. If you want to reignite things, this is then your chance, otherwise just keep things vague or don't respond if you don't want to see her again.

And if you go NC and never hear from her again, you've saved a lot of time not spent on a chick who isn't interested.

Read this again!

Also, you should be spinning more plates anyway. Accept the 99% possibility that your princess is in another castle and move on to the next world!

Case closed.