"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Talking about future plans with GF

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crashdietguy

Don Juan
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So I've been in an LTR with my GF for 3 months, and everything's great. She's awesome; she's beautiful, very affectionate and feminine, just what I like, and we have great sex.

We've already been talking about our future together, and while I can see myself getting more serious with her, I have this feeling that planning our future together might make her lose interest and attraction.

After I'm done with school (I have 1 year left, she has 2 years left and we go to the same school ATM), I'll probably take a year off academic studies and work, and I've shared this with her. She thinks this is great, because after that year she'll be done with high school and we can move together, and that's how I see it as well.

I read through her cell phone (yes I'm an insecure d*ck) and found some text messages sent to her mother (she's a sweet gal and shares almost everything with her mom) and they read kinda like this:

GF: "crashdietguy told me yesterday that maybe he'll take a year off when he's done with school and work, because if he goes off to Uni he'll miss me very much and he'd find it hard! :)" (Those were not my exact words but girls know how to interpret!)

Her mom: "that was very sweet of him to say, but it's a long time until next year."

GF: "I know but it was nice of him to say anyway! That means he can see a future with us together! :D"

Her mom: "he probably worships you. :)"

GF: "I know! :D And I worship him :)"


Now, do I back off on the future-talks or do I keep being honest, that I can see myself with her and that I'll wait for her? I feel she has a high IL now, but that can change, and if she doesn't see me as a challenge anymore it feels like I've dug my own grave.

This is taking "overthinking" to the extreme...
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Iceberg

Master Don Juan
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You're 3 months into this "Long Term Relationship". Both of you are young as hell. Why even talk about moving together? Actually...I just answered my own question: You're talking about moving in together because you're young as hell and you don't know any better.

I don't know. Maybe you have some kind of small town life going on, but it seems rather unambitious to be planning your life around some girl you've dated for 3 months. Same for her, really. If you're both unambitious and really can't see yourself anywhere else in life, then sure...keep up the future talk.

Honestly, I feel dumb even advising you. Your story is the same as 1 million other high school couples. You think you're going to be together forever, but in reality you'll probably be in 10 more LTRs before you actually settle down for real
 
M

Myrrdin

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True ^^^^^^. My ex and I were imagining ourselves with gray hair and taking care of grandchildren. We were also planning to move in together, I had already met her parents etc. I don't want to put you down, but be careful :)
 
A

Alien

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crashdietguy said:
I have this feeling that planning our future together might make her lose interest and attraction.

I feel she has a high IL now, but that can change, and if she doesn't see me as a challenge anymore it feels like I've dug my own grave.
Click to expand...
No. You dont feel it, you know it.

and....
what do you think, what will you find when you read some girl-to-girl messages?
It doesnt matter if it is her mother, it is still girl-girl talk, it just confuses you if you take it seriously.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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L

loveshogun

Master Don Juan
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Bump.

Iceberg said:
You're 3 months into this "Long Term Relationship". Both of you are young as hell. Why even talk about moving together? Actually...I just answered my own question: You're talking about moving in together because you're young as hell and you don't know any better.

I don't know. Maybe you have some kind of small town life going on, but it seems rather unambitious to be planning your life around some girl you've dated for 3 months. Same for her, really. If you're both unambitious and really can't see yourself anywhere else in life, then sure...keep up the future talk.

Honestly, I feel dumb even advising you. Your story is the same as 1 million other high school couples. You think you're going to be together forever, but in reality you'll probably be in 10 more LTRs before you actually settle down for real
Click to expand...
Iceberg, you and I agree on many levels. Can we make out later? Ha, just joshin'. Seriously, though, call me.

Anyway, OP, listen to iceberg. You seem like a nice kid, and we've all been through what you're going through. Stop thinking about it so much, number one, and remember this:

At this point in your life, you don't even control your life.

You don't pay your bills, you don't have your own house, you don't even have your own schedule.

So how can you really make plans?

Don't despair. Just go with the flow and enjoy being young, son. Cause when you're older, you'll be like us, tellin' kids not to go so quick, cause we all end up at the same place when we get old enough.

For life, be flexible and go for more of a general outline. Don't TALK about your plans. Just get it done.

For your edification, the Rules of Project Mayhem:

1. You do not ask questions about Project Mayhem.
2. You do not ask questions about Project Mayhem!
3. No Excuses
4. No Lies
5. You have to trust Tyler Durden.

This is how you should run your personal life. Tyler Durden is your survival instinct. Good, bad, or sideways, you'll have to listen to him.
 
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