Talk on the phone or NOT?

[Maximus_Decimus]

I've seen ample threads lately involving phone conversations. Many DJs here regard calling your GF to just talk as okay. Thus, you are instigating the call. My take on this at the moment is the same as Anti-Dump. Call her to set up the next date:

Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
THE PERFECT DON JUAN
...

He never talks over an hour with a women on the phone. EVER. Twenty minutes is tops. He avoids contact with her. With e-mails and messages, etc. between dates. He calls once to arrange the next date.

The original thread by Anti-Dump is posted here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=16851&highlight=phone

By calling her, you are not following Anti-Dump's advice: "He avoids contact with her."

Maximus_Decimus

 

[Dirtheart]

I figure it's better to use your initiative than stick to such "rules". In my experience, it all depends on the woman, your relationship and whether you have the ability to keep a good conversation going.

If conversation is strained, then it's best not to exhaust conversation on the phone. If your relationship is just physical then talking on the phone is pointless. Otherwise I don't see any harm. I talk to my girlfriend regularly on the phone and we are much closer as a result of it, BUT conversation never dwindles between us.

Just don't talk too regularly, otherwise it will appear that you have nothing better to do.

 

[PeeGee]

I made the mistake of talking regularly. Now, I have a cell phone, so calls have to be fast or I'll make them fast.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

I originally posted this thread because I was hoping for some discussion on this subject. Anti-Dump's idea on using the phone is definitely sound advice for an AFC. I can see a few problems with calling your GF on the phone:

- Your time is valuable because you are a DJ leading a busy life. How busy are you if you can spare lots of time to talk to your GF for long periods at a time?

- Too much talk time on the phone is anti-challenge and anti-mystery. Your GF should anticipate the next date with you. Why would she bother to date you in real life if you've already dated her on the telephone?

- Even if you are the most funny and best conversationalist in the world, anybody will get bored of you and your style of humor if they talk to you long enough. If you talk to the same person day, after day, after day, after day ... ... the most interesting person in the world can easily become dull.

Maximus_Decimus

 

[DJD]

Some great points in this thread! Even when conversations become extended, they should have some sort of 'direction' or clear point to them, they shouldn't be static, stagnant blabbing (especially when getting to know someone). Now, there is probably a little more latitude for this type of thing with a girlfriend, but a woman still probably expects to just blab with her girlfriends - and guys do the same with their friends too sometimes, but if you want to come across as a man with some direction in life you won't be sitting around engaging in idle chatter. Better to leave her wanting more than to overdo it. I really liked the point by Maximus on this type of behavior undermining one's ability to remain a challenge and a mystery - some female friends have told me that directly - that most women prefer a mysteryor a challenge to having a man be such an easily available 'open book' (especially too soon).