Suck at small talk - help

[Magnatolia]

Hi Guys,

I've discovered one of my major sticking problems that limit me from actually having the confidence to approach.

Obviously we all get visuals of approaches - my visual images see me doing fine until the conversation then I find myself stuck on the small talk part. I have no idea what to talk about.

That's why I do so well in my workplace because I have absolutely no fear going up to the hottest woman anywhere and asking for their help - for the time, when the next train is, that sort of thing, because I have a purpose and know what I want to say and what I want.

Please help me by providing me with advice and resources. And please don't post anything along the lines of practice. I currently don't have the confidence/skills necessary to practice.

Thanks
J

 

[00Kevin]

you need to relax. You are doing fine. Talk is cheep

You are just a man of action and not a man that bulls-hits his way around.

If you are not good a small talk then come to terms with that and consider that to be part of who you are. It is actually a good think.

Rather then use small talk. I suggest that you focus on body language. Talk to her with your eyes. Even the way you position your hands can send good signals. Body language is much more powerfull then talk. Talk is cheap when picking up.

The best out there can pick up a woman just by looking at her eyes and using the right facial expressions.

My style is simple, "there is nothing that needs to be said." It works great.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I have the same issues too, I'm an action man more than a talk man.

But, I find, if you have enough 'confidence' and see yourself as attractive, then this should come more naturally. I tend to open up a bit more when I'm dressed less, then when I'm cloistered and over-dressed, so believe it or not, in my case, how I dress directly influences my success at small talk.

Light dressing means, you wear a shirt, pants, shirt unbotton at the top exposing your chest, good posture, walk like a stud, and when girls are naturally more receptive or attracted to you, then it just comes natural, rather than an uphill battle.

It may be easier to practise on older women, or women you are not necessarily attracted to.

Normally small-talk is recommended on other sites and books, and virtually every dating authority, because, after all, you need to have a rapport with someone or get to know them in a flirtatious way first - play around a bit with them first to see if it could work out - so she would naturally think you are a fun guy to be with and want to go out with you - so it's part of flirting.

To engage in small talk theoretically - it is rather quite simple. Just make a comment about something too obvious about the environment that is somewhat witty. If anything comes to mind that is intelligable - say it out. That's why it's small talk, because it's light, non-controversial, drabble about anything - like the weather, where they are working or going to school, if they live around the area.

A problem that I have with small talk, is if I do get an idea, usually, I may worry it sounds stupid or is too simple, or I may look like an idiot. The irony is, well, its supposed to be stupid or simple. When you are used to thinking deeply and being a serious type of person, then it's a challenge in itself to become light and casual in conversation.

I'm sort of fixed that every action I do, where a girl is concerned especially, has to have some meaning to it, and that anything I say has to be business orientated. So, saying something trivial or light can actually be difficult to do.

Practise I guess, by trying to talk to a few people about something very trivial, such as the weather, what breed of dog they have (girl walking a dog).

 

[T Square]

Some good convo topics I've used:

"How is your day going?"

"Have you had any exciting adventures today?"

"What's your story?"

"What are you passionate about?"

Also, it's good to comment on some sort of situation thing going on. Something unique to what's going on around you two. You can also open with some sort of comment on what she's wearing, if she's wearing something interesting or different.

 

[Thomas94305]

To get you going, do what T Square advocates.. have some standard questions to open with. You don't have to stick with the questions. They are just there in case you don't have something else to say. Also, try to say something that's relevant to the situation. If at a sporting game.. talk about.. hmm.. the teams.. sports? If at a concert.. talk about.. hmm.. the band.. music?

Listen to what the person says, and feed off of that.

Biggest help is to relax, relax, relax. Don't force a conversation, just try a few statements. If it goes, great, if not, no big deal. Pay attention to what you say around friends too.. chat with the new person like you would with your friend.

If you do searches at this site, you'll find info on how to have convo's. But, biggest is to relax, and approach more. Over a few approaches, you'll find things that work for you.