Straddling the dreaded zone

[Trapspringer]

I met this “10” a couple of weeks ago. We hit it off and began talking to each other over the phone. She admitted that she had a boyfriend during our first conversation and began to talk about the things he did to disappoint her and how the long distance between them made it hard. I then asked if she loved him. She hesitated and later denied that she loved him but claimed that she liked him a lot. I then told her frankly that I didn’t approach her to become one of her girlfriends and that I was interested in her in an intimate way. She said that she understood that. I also told her that I was not in a relationship and was not looking for any at the moment but was looking just to have fun and enjoy my life at this moment.
She came over once and we talked and watched movies. There was some touching.

We continued to talk over the phone over the next week but she began to talk about a guy who is obsessed with her and asks my advice on how to deal with them. I told her that that problem is one that she should deal with one of her girlfriends and that I don’t get involved in those sort of conversations with women. The conversation soon got a bit heated and she asked me as if I was trying to “tell her off.” I told her I was just being up front with her. That I wasn’t interested in girlfriend-type conversations with her and I then reminded her of what I told her during our first conversation. She replied by saying that I can’t rush things like that. I told her that I realize that but I am not looking to be on the same level as one of her girlfriends So I refuse to discuss particular topics concerning other men with her. Well, the conversation got a bit more heated before I told her that I would talk to her later. She asked me to call her later. I said that I would. Several days has gone by and I had no intention of calling her back.

She recently sent me an email. In the email, she apologizes for “assuming” that she could talk to me about other men like that with me. She then went on to say that most of her friends are male and that is why she felt comfortable about talking about them with me. She then said she was sorry if she made me feel uncomfortable.

Now, my situation stinks of being caught near or in the friend zone. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. I still believe that I am not quite in the friend zone and I still have hopes of getting very physical with this fine woman but I believe any hopes of that rests on how I reply to this email. Any suggestions on what I should say in the email?

Trap

 

[BGMan]

I think there are a few things you should realize.

1) Phones are for making dates/plans. That's IT. Chatting and b.s.'ing on the phone is something that women do.

2) Being direct and up-front like that, saying you want a relationship and not be one of her girlfriends, is still AFC. Granted, it's not as AFC as being one of her girlfriends, but if you state your intentions like that, you lose your sense of mystery and she sees you as needy.

3) You also said, "she admitted she had a boyfriend". Did you ask her flat out, "do you have a boyfriend?"? Don't do that... he may be just some AFC sucker that she's keeping, so that she can 1) look good in front of her girlfriends, and 2) truthfully tell other unwanted suitors she has a boyfriend (if he's a wanted suitor, she'll try to make him think she's single). Ever heard of "monkey girls" who don't let go of one boyfriend until they have their hands on another? It's unfair and selfish, I know, but my father told me that this is how many women work and that it doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person.

My guess is that she has lost all sense of attraction to you, but in the event she hasn't, back off and don't call her for a while. Make her wonder about what you're doing.

BGMan

 

[Trapspringer]

BGMAN, thanks for your reply but I think that you got confused with my message. I said:

"I also told her that I was not in a relationship and was not looking for any at the moment but was looking just to have fun and enjoy my life at this moment."


No I didn't ask her if she had a boyfriend. I do not ask women I approach if they have a boyfriend or not. I figure it will come out in the wash later but I was not concerned with finding out. I never once told her that I wanted her to give up her boyfriend or any thing. I just told her that I didn't approach her to chat about her man problems like one of her girlfriends. Basically, I implied a fling.

I am direct and upfront if I feel like I am being drawn into a friend zone. I got that impression once she began to talk about her man and other problems during our first conversation. While she spoke about all of this, she asked me if she was boring me. So it was tiem for me to let her know where I intended to stand.


Now that I cleared this up, hopefully, any suggestions? Please reread my original post if you have to. I would appreciate teh advice.

Trap

 

[BGMan]

Well, in that case, I think that she isn't feeling any attraction to you, although I guess that her reluctance to say she loved her boyfriend seems to suggest there may be an ember there. What you want to do is fan that ember into a raging blaze, if it is there.

Therefore, I think what you want to do is to not talk to her nearly as much, and when you do, not to be confrontational, but light and positive. If she brings up her boyfriend, change the subject. You should act as if she isn't getting to you one little bit; it is this which should get under her skin. No more talking on the phone; instead, set up outings.

Hope this helps.

BGMan

 

[Trapspringer]

>>Well, in that case, I think that she isn't feeling any attraction to you,<<

Damn! Oh well, I must admit that I agree with you. Well, I will dust off of the rust soon and hopefully I can get on track soon. six years of a LTR can do this to you.


Trap