SP in Approaching

[Dominant]

I have no fear of rejection. I really don't. Rather, I have a fear of looking stupid in front of people.

My fear is at two angles:
1. If I don't think of anything interesting to say, or don't think of anything to say at all, and the girl loses interest and walks away, I will lose my self-esteem. I fear this loss of self-esteem and the pain I feel from it.

2. I fear what others around the vicinity may think, especially if my game isn't tight at the moment. They might think I'm a sleeze, or just laugh at me when I bounce.


If I can get over these two fears, I'd be unstoppable at approaching, because like I said I've been blessed with no fear of rejection.

I guess it's fear of not doing a good job in terms of how I spit.


Let's see if you DJ's out there can relate or at least figure this situation out.

-Dominant

 

[Albion4]

Originally posted by Dominant
I have no fear of rejection. I really don't. Rather, I have a fear of looking stupid in front of people.

No, you fear rejection.

My fear is at two angles:
1. If I don't think of anything interesting to say, or don't think of anything to say at all, and the girl loses interest and walks away, I will lose my self-esteem. I fear this loss of self-esteem and the pain I feel from it.

She's walking away because you've got naturally low self-esteem and she senses it. If you don't practice it you'll never get good at it.

2. I fear what others around the vicinity may think, especially if my game isn't tight at the moment. They might think I'm a sleeze, or just laugh at me when I bounce.

Oh no, look out, the world is coming to an abrupt end if that guy looks like a fool. If the world ended every time a guy looked like a fool in front of people we'd nearly have infinate endings. Hell I can count hundreds of apocolyps' in my life alone.

If I can get over these two fears, I'd be unstoppable at approaching, because like I said I've been blessed with no fear of rejection.

Again, you fear rejection. "The girl loses interest and walks away" What is this? It's rejection. "I fear what others around me may think" What is this? It's rejection. You're being rejected from their group.

First, accept who you are, including all your fears. Next, face up to those fears head on. Lastly, practice practice practice.

-Al

 

[Dominant]

Alright I see what you're saying.

To clarify it some more, the fear is not whether they want to go out with me or not. It's whether at the end of the pick up, are they thinking I'm a sleezeball/loser rather than a decent dude who she just wasn't interested in at the time.

If she says "Hey sorry I got a bf" or "Yeah I'll be busy that night" or "I'm not interested", I'm cool with that. If they were to say something like "Get away from me!" or have body/facial language that showed they think I'm a loser, then I'd feel bad. Then I'd feel like a loser.

So I don't beat myself up like "Damn! I didn't get a date" or "Damn I didn't get a number" but rather "Damn I made an ass of myself".

-Dominant

 

[wind20mph]

Originally posted by Dominant
Alright I see what you're saying.

To clarify it some more, the fear is not whether they want to go out with me or not. It's whether at the end of the pick up, are they thinking I'm a sleezeball/loser rather than a decent dude who she just wasn't interested in at the time.

If she says "Hey sorry I got a bf" or "Yeah I'll be busy that night" or "I'm not interested", I'm cool with that. If they were to say something like "Get away from me!" or have body/facial language that showed they think I'm a loser, then I'd feel bad. Then I'd feel like a loser.

So I don't beat myself up like "Damn! I didn't get a date" or "Damn I didn't get a number" but rather "Damn I made an ass of myself".

-Dominant

I would gladly suggest you get something from the search in this discussion furom regarding approaching and social circle. You're way out of line. Its not being dominant.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Dominant
I have no fear of rejection. I really don't. Rather, I have a fear of looking stupid in front of people.

My fear is at two angles:
1. If I don't think of anything interesting to say, or don't think of anything to say at all, and the girl loses interest and walks away, I will lose my self-esteem. I fear this loss of self-esteem and the pain I feel from it.

2. I fear what others around the vicinity may think, especially if my game isn't tight at the moment. They might think I'm a sleeze, or just laugh at me when I bounce.


If I can get over these two fears, I'd be unstoppable at approaching, because like I said I've been blessed with no fear of rejection.

I guess it's fear of not doing a good job in terms of how I spit.


Let's see if you DJ's out there can relate or at least figure this situation out.

-Dominant

How you respond to failure is much more important than how you respond to success.

I've been there. VERY recently. Running out of stuff to say, looking like a clown in front of the girl and other people...it's all part of the game. It happens. You learn from it.

Most of the people who mock you for that probably wouldn't even approach the girl themselves, so they make up for it by mocking you..."Look at him failing with the women...it's a good thing I made the 'right choice' to sit on the sidelines and NOT talk to her."

Seriously, if you have nothing to say at some point in a convo, it's not the end of the world. Just say you have to go to the bathroom/find your friends/make a phonecall/etc and eject. But once you get over these fears and realize that these kinds of "setbacks" are just that, temporary setbacks and not catastrophic losses, then you'll suddenly find that you have a LOT to say and that what other people think doesn't matter.

You'll get there. Just like I'll get back there. Just keep at it.