some advice

[BOOKS88]

Hello guys. As usual I come to seek the advice and wisdom of collective DJ kind

Been seeing this girl for a few weeks now. She's young-ish - 25 - I'm in my mid 30s. When I first met her she mentioned - only really late in the day - that she had a boyfriend but they've only really been going out a few months. Turns out he is off travelling and she mentioned about "it's probably not going to last, I'm the monogamous type, we've got to have "the talk"". I ignored it, we got cuddling and she definately responded to kino - no kissing - but left it there.

Then things changed quickly - just before he left they spent the weekend together, got real close and I think agreed to keep it together. I've been seen her twice since = she's let me initiatve kino but hasn't withdrawn OR responded back - but she keeps inviting me to things since he's been gone (about a month now) . I do think though that her interest level has definately cooled and she mentions occasionally how she works hard to skype him and get them talking more to keep the relationship alive - I admire that. I don't engage in that conversation and shut it down quickly. At point I did playfully ask what was the deal with her boyfriend and she got quite defensive - like, "we are together while he is away. Why?"

Anyway, I totally realised I made the mistake of heading towards surrogate boyfriend territory - if I haven't already got there. I haven't made my feelings explicit - but I'm not quite sure how to play things now. My friend suggests I do all these things she's invited me too - keep flirting, keep kino and just basically BE AWESOME and build emotional rapport - show her everything that she's missing from her boyfriend ; and then maybe withdraw and go no contact for a bit. I'm stilll looking at other women but I'd like to make this one work if I can. I guess if she's so invested - or trying to invest in her boyfriend though I'm wondering whether its worth the effort.

Any advice folks?

 

[Peña]

Waste of time when she won't put out when he's gone. All the effort you put into her put into single girls. You would be balls deep in pvssy by now.

 

[RangerMIke]

Anyway, I totally realised I made the mistake of heading towards surrogate boyfriend territory - if I haven't already got there.

Yep... mistake, and yes you are there, you are becoming her gay male girlfriend.


I haven't made my feelings explicit -

Good. If you had you would be finished.[/B]

but I'm not quite sure how to play things now.

Will tell you at the end.

My friend suggests I do all these things she's invited me too - keep flirting, keep kino and just basically BE AWESOME and build emotional rapport - show her everything that she's missing from her boyfriend; and then maybe withdraw and go no contact for a bit.

Nope.... bad advice.

I'm stilll looking at other women but I'd like to make this one work if I can. I guess if she's so invested - or trying to invest in her boyfriend though I'm wondering whether its worth the effort.

Don't contact her anymore. I would wait for her to reach out to you. Tell her that you are not interested in being her 'friend', that you want more and you're not going to sit around and wait for her. Then walk away. Start seeing other women. If it's meant to be she will come back to you. As long as you are validating her, she will stay with her BF. The reason she keeps going back to him, is that you are giving her that emotional validation that she isn't getting from him. You are the bandaid keeping that relationship together and you are sabotaging your own success.

 

[stevo]

Solution:
Dont see her for the next two weeks. If she initiates convo/text keep it short and hit her with the gotta run, stay in touch.

After two weeks, if she still initiates, get sexual over text, if she responds, invite her to your house and go beyond just flirting and kino.


You have 40% chance to pull this off, you decide if its worth it.

 

[SgtSplacker]

She's taken man what can you do? Just try to maintain communication and ask her out when she breaks up.

 

[G_Govan]

I go full on sexual in cases like these.

You send a clear message that you won't be teased and led on. Any get together you have you make moves on her. If she rebuffs your advances you cut her loose. If she tries to come back you tell her she's a waste of your time and that she needs some female friends to keep her company. You're not a female.

The longer you wait to do this the worse it gets, for you.

 

[VladPatton]

You drop her. This is a waste of time. She gets playful when he's not around, fvck that!

PS: She'll do the same thing to you when she's bored of you and you're not around. At most: Tell her you're busy going out on dates and you don't have time for patty-cakes. If she wants to come over in lingerie and a trench coat, fine, but until then, she's c0ckteasing you because she's bored and wants to feel good about herself.