So apparently I don’t have any charisma, charm, magnetism etc.

[ARrocket]

One thing though, are less attractive girls really easier?

Of course.

I've realized that if a girl is below a certain threshold in looks, like a 4 or below, she may be more aggressive, but she still has to be attracted to you in the first place.

Of course.

Think of it this way: If you are a 6, and you try to get a 7, it will be difficult. If you are a 6, and you try to get a 5, it will be easier. If you are a 6, and you try to get a 1, it shouldn't be any problem at all. Theoretically, of course. In real life...it still gets easier the uglier they get, because they lower they are, the better you seem!

BTW, I'm not looking for the quick thing bar or party, I want a relationship and to finally experience some intimacy.

I can respect that, but I can't really give any solid advice given that condition, as it's not what I'm looking for at the moment. Eventually, but not today.

In my mind, it works like this: If I'm going to get into a relationship with someone, it's probably someone I've fooled around with already. I sleep with her a few times, and then realize that I really like spending time with this person. So looks don't really come into play in that sense, because I genuinely LIKE that person. So for me (and this is what I think will be the most effective, but perhaps you disagree), I just go out looking to have sex. And THEN if she's worthy, it can progress to something more.

It seems that you want to have that emotional connection first, and THEN have it progress to sex. I think it's agreed on this site that this is the less efficient route to take, but I suppose that's a discussion for a different thread!

 

[Fergus]

Some ideas

Something happened today that shined some light on why I have done so poorly with women.

I’m in my social dance class dancing with a girl who is nice but basically stone-faced. I talk to her a little but she’s just not into it. When we switch partners I look at her, and she’s laughing and joking with the new guy. WTF? I thought she may have been sick or tired. And I was right, she was sick and tired of me.

So I look down the line of girls I danced with and each girl seems to be having more fun with the guy she is with now then she had with me, including the one girl in the class who thought I may have had a chance with.

I’ve casually noticed it before, but girls really do seem to react better to other guys then they do to me. I don’t know if it’s due to the way I act or what I saw, how I say it or everything combined. All I know is that there is something wrong about how I interact with women.

Somehow I didn’t acquire the skills that most guys pick up. So here I am trying to attract and date women when I have the skill level of a 12 year old.

That would help explain why there is such a small number of girls that I meet each year that I think I have a connection with, and then each girl proceeds to reject me. I think what was really happening was that those girls had really warm and open personalities and they made up for what I was lacking. Of course they reject me, because I mistook their openness as interest. There never was a connection, it was just her being outgoing, which she is with every guy. Then when I meet a girl whose not as warm but basically nice to everybody and they become somewhat cold toward me.

Figuring this out took a big hit to my self-esteem, then I got a little relief from knowing that I am doing something wrong. And now I’m down again because I don’t know if I have any hope at all.

One thing I've found helpful is Toastmasters. Learning to speak in front of other people is a great life skill, plus you get feedback on your presentations and you learn to tell when you're being funny and interesting or just lame and boring, and you get a sense for that when talking to people one-one-one too.

Improv or acting classes are good too. I've done all of these things and now I'm going to perform stand-up.

If your dance class is your only interaction with women, find something else that improves that. Do you work with any women?