smoking?

[shock]

My gf and I are pretty serious...however she recently started smoking..it started just at work on breaks and stuff, but now I think I can consider her a "smoker".

I don't smoke. I think it's disgusting. I also consider myself a fairly helathy guy. I'm a firefighter, so my my job demands me to be in shape. I love to hike and climb, lift, run..I'm very active. I don't want to date a smoker..It's just not cool.

We got in a huge fight last night about it..told her she can chose her cancer sticks or me...her choice. She got pissed that I was trying to control her and said it's wrong of me to put her in that position.

She said if I really cared about her she'd respect who she was..I said, well if you cared about me you'd respect my feelings and at least try to quit. She knows how I feel about smoking...and she knew before she started. Kind of a slap in the face..

Whats your guys' two cents on this..

 

[Sart]

hey dude

What do you know about her? Is it possible she always smoked and just did it secretly initially and then when she felt you were closer decided to let the cat out of the bag as it were?

I smoke, and yes, its a huge turn off to a lot of women, really cuts my market share actually. Amazing how women will go eeeww at the smell of a cigarette but happily eat a gallon of your protein love shake isnt it? Weird. haha.

If I was a chick and a smoker I would tell you where to shove it, but I am biased. Smoking is nearly as addictive a cocaine and heroine, hard to kick mate.

 

[justsomeguy1984]

Is it possible she always smoked and just did it secretly initially and then when she felt you were closer decided to let the cat out of the bag as it were?

I seriously doubt this... If somebody smokes it is virtually impossible for them to hide it because everything they own will reek of tobacco and smoke.

 

[NewMan]

What did you learn from this?

Ultimatum never work...

And if she gives ti up, she will blame and resent you for it.

Bottom line, you have to decide whether you want to be with her if she does or doesn't smoke. If she does or doesn't drink. If she does or doesn't put on weight.

You see where I'm going here?

You love her for her - and her faults - or you don't.

But if you don't - don't b#tch about it and throw guilt trips and ultimatums.

You leave.

This way you have stated you choice. You DON'T want a smoker.

She now knows you are serious and will not put up with it.

So she can quit and get you back - or she can smoke.

 

[italostud]

To quit smoking, you have to WANT to quit. Doesn't sound like she wants to. Your ultimatum will most likely not work.

 

[Adamacker]

I feel the same way as you do. I dated a girl for a while and on our third date she pulled a cigarette out after dinner and all I heard in my head is the sound of any chances of us happening shatter. I can't stand it, and I've tried it before a couple times so this hatred for cigarettes comes from experience as well. Breaking up depends on how strongly you feel about the whole situation; in my situation, that was our last date and we just see each other in various places. Do what your heart tells you, as fruity as that sounds.

 

[cactus3178]

First, I'm a smoker and that doesn't stop me from getting a ton of play. Hell, the last chick I 'dated' started taking drags from my cigarettes.

Second, dude, realize that it's a ***** to quit and just ask her if she plans to do stop or continue. She wasn't a smoker before?

 

[shock]

she has smoked on occasion..i mean..very rarely in the past, like just a puff or so.. like 2 weeks ago she said she had been smoking off and on, like every 2-3 days or so..last night I brought it up, and she said she has been smoking every day. I did't know this, because I am not currently living near her right now.

 

[undesputable]

You know theres only one way to make somone do something, and its not by giving ulimatums, or threating her or beating her. The only way shes going to quit is if she wants to, so you got to find a way in which you can convice her that she doesnt want to smoke. You can make arguments of how is so bad for her health to smoke cigs. Or without insulting her you can tell her how it makes her smell bad and how unattractive it is. Just try to see the situation from where she is, make an argument from her point of view and let her decide if she wants to quit or not. another thing you can do is sit with her, have a civilized conversation, never mentioning what you want, and in a piece of paper state the advantages and disadvantages of smoking.

 

[belividere]

dude I've been smoking for around 10 years now and even I am with you on this. she just started and knows you hate it. I think it is about more than just wanting to smoke. And seriously she shouldn't have a problem quitting after only smoking for a couple of weeks (as i sit here smoking and typing, man i'm a hypocrite).

 

[RoeCyris]

Bro, I'm almost offended for you. I can't stand a b*tch who would rather smoke than be with a potentially good man.

Next time you talk and when it comes up I would say something along the lines of "sorry if you thought I was being a jerk, just understand how strongly I feel about this and while you want me to respect your choice to kill yourself slowly and painfully, respect that as a FIRE FIGHTER i have a natural distaste for smokers." Don't appologize for what you said, but consider appologizing for how it was said.

To me thoa, it seems like she has made her choice and all your hard work on this broad is done. Don't back down from your ultimatum now that you have set it. Machiavelli said it best in The Prince, " let his sentence be irrevocable, and let him adhere to his decisions so that no one may think of deceiving or cozening him..." I love that quote.

In the end it's about Respect.