Sleeping Situation

[jaymbrs]

My gf loves staying over at my place. The problem is when it's time to go to bed (around 11ish as we both have to get up at 6:30 for work) she stays up on her phone catching up on work emails until around 12:30. She's not lying since I'll glance from the corner of my eye at her phone and see it is work related. What's worse is she'll go out for a cigarette and that's when I wake up. I'm a light sleeper and if my front door opens, I wake up immediately. I've already explained to her that it's messing with my sleep and that she needs to stop that or not stay over. She agreed she would be more mindful but it recently started happening again. Last night to be exact. I went outside to get her to tell her she can go home or come to bed, to which she returns in tears. Saying she's dealing with a lot at work. I'm trying to be empathetic but I just don't see a way around this. It's literally affecting me at MY work.

Any recommendations?

 

[mikeyb]

Put some time aside earlier in the evening for her to catch up with emails?

 

[jaymbrs]

Put some time aside earlier in the evening for her to catch up with emails?

Sounds simple enough. But she gets emailed after work hours. She's an exec at an investment firm and her boss who works late every day emails her stuff. Some of which gets her all worked up. Regardless, it doesn't sound like there's an easy solution here.

 

[Glassguy]

She needs to quit the smoking habit.

 

[jaymbrs]

Mate, here's the thing: it doesn't matter.

I receive late emails sometimes as well. I just stopped responding to them and if I'm responding to them I'm on my hourly wage. Always.

She might be addicted to pleasing her boss and this might be an issue. My good friend was like that as well - working past 10 PM and responding calls. Eventually he started asking "if it's of critical importance?" and if it wasn't he just said he will deal with it next day in the morning.

Most of the time you can't do anything effective at late hours unless you are working as a construction project manager OR you are supporting overseas team from different timezone - if that's the case then it's how the job is but there are still some limits.

If it's just 'late emails sending-responding out of nowhere' and it doesn't really matter if the thing will be dealt with around 10 AM or 12 PM then I'd say it's phucked up. Most of the time "urgent" emails sent around 10 PM are just somebody getting nervous about something and passing this mojo towards 'persons responsible' to feel more relaxed.

It's toxic and phucked up. I remember every single situation and It's never THAT important. If something is phucked up, it's already phucked up and mitigation shall be nothing else than mitigation.

Pre-phuck up situation emails/'extinguishing fires' most of the time are not about the fire (which is already burning and it already consumed something or there's a significant probability that it will do it in spite of taking care of it this night or in the morning) but about how people feel because of the fire.

If she wants to stay late hours, let her stay 1 or two hours more in job but no late-emails replies around midnight. It's sick.

Yea true. I'll have to set down some ground rules then. If that doesn't work, I can't allow her to continue staying over. Like I said, it's affecting me at work.

 

[sosousage]

no offence bra but your gf sounds like a slave.

imagine being called at midnight by boss regularly, ew

 

[mikeyb]

Sounds simple enough. But she gets emailed after work hours. She's an exec at an investment firm and her boss who works late every day emails her stuff. Some of which gets her all worked up. Regardless, it doesn't sound like there's an easy solution here.

I get that. I also get emailed at all hours and if I'm alone, I will usually reply. But if I'm with someone, I'll either turn off data on my phone or will leave it somewhere where it won't distract me. She must do the same. Especially given how it's affecting you.