There have been a number of great posts both recently and of old that emphasize the importance of being ourselves when dealing with women. When we are being our "true selves," all those pick-up lines and techniques can be tossed away because most of them probably don't represent "you." You'll become nervous because you're playing a part; perhaps a part that you don't fully understand.
When speaking to a woman, you must be willing to be fully interested in her and totally forget about yourself. But only for the time being that is. There's no better moment than the present moment, and if you truly deep down inside have a problem in believing that, then you might want to look into zen, for I believe that masculinity has a lot to do with being present. But I'm not here to discuss that particular aspect, although the vast majority of men who are very successful with women are in fact very present.
Anyways, when I say to become fully interested in her, I don't mean to become needy and clingy. What I mean is to stop being so interested in trying to get her to like you. It's been said again and again, but reminders and different ways of expressing good advice are always appreciated:
How you truly feel about yourself is what women will pick up on. If you're nervous, they'll know. If you're reciting lines or being unnatural, more than likely they'll know. If you have to think long and hard about something before saying it...they'll probably figure it out: that you had to think about it.
That's just naturally how things are. I mean, once in a blue moon, you might be able to hit it off well with a chick using scripts, or while being nervous, but everyone gets lucky sometimes.
And needless to say, the same applies with confidence. I'm talking about that sincere confidence that stays with you forever and never leaves you. The kind of confidence that doesn't try too hard, but also doesn't beat around the bush. The kind of confidence that can be witty and funny, or cool and calm; masculine, yet does not need to take any sort of action just for the sake of proving masculinity.
Not that temporary confidence that you get from looking in the mirror and talking to yourself for twenty minutes about how you're the catch of the night. It's something that's always with you. Something in which you don't have to conjure up soliloquies or find ways to "get in the zone." Whether you're in the company of others, or alone, it will always be with you.
It's sincerity, and that's the key. With yourself and with other people. You have no desire to inflate yourself or find elaborate ways of raising the interest of another. You're just genuinely interested. That's all. You like how she looks so you go to find out if you like how she speaks and carries herself. You like how she speaks and carries herself, so you go to find out if you like how she is in bed.
When you're sincere in your actions and words, they can tell. They can feel it. And if you're feeling her, then most likely the feeling will be passed on to her.
She'll be feeling you. You tease her, she teases you. You laugh, she laughs. It's whatever from this point on.
The way you speak to yourself is the way you speak to women. If not, then maybe you shouldn't speak to women. When your words, wit, and energy come from the heart, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. If you're the type to be playful and witty with women, it's because you're already playful and witty with yourself.
At the sign of any dissonance of any sort at any point, you should evaluate your integrity. If you'd give a dollar to a blind man in front of a woman, but would just ignore him if it was just you and the blind man, then all you're doing is lying to yourself. And why would you do that to yourself, out of all the people in this world? When you're dishonest with others, you're dishonest with yourself.
Simply put, you love women. And women love you. And if there are any things about yourself that women would not like about you, I'm pretty sure that ninety percent of the time, those are the same things that you don't like about yourself. Fixing that problem is self-explanatory.
So in that sense, when you're being sincere, what is there to be afraid of? Incompatibility? Obviously, there's gonna be a few cuckoo-headed women out there that just won't find you attractive no matter what, but I guarantee you, the majority will. Be comfortable in your own skin and she'll feel it.
So be genuine in your interest. The moment you decide to make any kind of moves, don't think about yourself and forget about your fragile ego. And, as if it hasn't been said a million times already, learn to love yourself enough so that it wouldn't even matter if you turned out to be incompatible with any woman. Remember, if you're sincere with yourself and with her, most of the time it's not even your fault if things don't go as smooth as you knew it would go. This applies not only to initial conversations, but also to dating, and even LTRs.
So live your life and love women, but most importantly, love yourself. Joke with women, and also joke with yourself. Be spontaneous with women, and be spontaneous with yourself. Take charge and be naturally masculine for that woman you're interested in, in the same way that you'd be masculine for yourself.
When you're comfortable with yourself, you don't feel the need to always talk about yourself (creating mystery), and you'll feel less of a need to have any woman "complete" you (eliminating any chance of clinginess).
You see, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of when you're true to yourself. And I haven't talked much about what to do if you feel you're falling short when it comes to yourself because the answer to that is so simple and is an on-going life process: to pursue what you want and to love EVERY moment of it. If you can't focus on the little moments of your overall life process, then you're already ignoring the whole point of life! But that's a whole different topic, so I'll stop now.
Ciao.
When speaking to a woman, you must be willing to be fully interested in her and totally forget about yourself. But only for the time being that is. There's no better moment than the present moment, and if you truly deep down inside have a problem in believing that, then you might want to look into zen, for I believe that masculinity has a lot to do with being present. But I'm not here to discuss that particular aspect, although the vast majority of men who are very successful with women are in fact very present.
Anyways, when I say to become fully interested in her, I don't mean to become needy and clingy. What I mean is to stop being so interested in trying to get her to like you. It's been said again and again, but reminders and different ways of expressing good advice are always appreciated:
How you truly feel about yourself is what women will pick up on. If you're nervous, they'll know. If you're reciting lines or being unnatural, more than likely they'll know. If you have to think long and hard about something before saying it...they'll probably figure it out: that you had to think about it.
That's just naturally how things are. I mean, once in a blue moon, you might be able to hit it off well with a chick using scripts, or while being nervous, but everyone gets lucky sometimes.
And needless to say, the same applies with confidence. I'm talking about that sincere confidence that stays with you forever and never leaves you. The kind of confidence that doesn't try too hard, but also doesn't beat around the bush. The kind of confidence that can be witty and funny, or cool and calm; masculine, yet does not need to take any sort of action just for the sake of proving masculinity.
Not that temporary confidence that you get from looking in the mirror and talking to yourself for twenty minutes about how you're the catch of the night. It's something that's always with you. Something in which you don't have to conjure up soliloquies or find ways to "get in the zone." Whether you're in the company of others, or alone, it will always be with you.
It's sincerity, and that's the key. With yourself and with other people. You have no desire to inflate yourself or find elaborate ways of raising the interest of another. You're just genuinely interested. That's all. You like how she looks so you go to find out if you like how she speaks and carries herself. You like how she speaks and carries herself, so you go to find out if you like how she is in bed.
When you're sincere in your actions and words, they can tell. They can feel it. And if you're feeling her, then most likely the feeling will be passed on to her.
She'll be feeling you. You tease her, she teases you. You laugh, she laughs. It's whatever from this point on.
The way you speak to yourself is the way you speak to women. If not, then maybe you shouldn't speak to women. When your words, wit, and energy come from the heart, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. If you're the type to be playful and witty with women, it's because you're already playful and witty with yourself.
At the sign of any dissonance of any sort at any point, you should evaluate your integrity. If you'd give a dollar to a blind man in front of a woman, but would just ignore him if it was just you and the blind man, then all you're doing is lying to yourself. And why would you do that to yourself, out of all the people in this world? When you're dishonest with others, you're dishonest with yourself.
Simply put, you love women. And women love you. And if there are any things about yourself that women would not like about you, I'm pretty sure that ninety percent of the time, those are the same things that you don't like about yourself. Fixing that problem is self-explanatory.
So in that sense, when you're being sincere, what is there to be afraid of? Incompatibility? Obviously, there's gonna be a few cuckoo-headed women out there that just won't find you attractive no matter what, but I guarantee you, the majority will. Be comfortable in your own skin and she'll feel it.
So be genuine in your interest. The moment you decide to make any kind of moves, don't think about yourself and forget about your fragile ego. And, as if it hasn't been said a million times already, learn to love yourself enough so that it wouldn't even matter if you turned out to be incompatible with any woman. Remember, if you're sincere with yourself and with her, most of the time it's not even your fault if things don't go as smooth as you knew it would go. This applies not only to initial conversations, but also to dating, and even LTRs.
So live your life and love women, but most importantly, love yourself. Joke with women, and also joke with yourself. Be spontaneous with women, and be spontaneous with yourself. Take charge and be naturally masculine for that woman you're interested in, in the same way that you'd be masculine for yourself.
When you're comfortable with yourself, you don't feel the need to always talk about yourself (creating mystery), and you'll feel less of a need to have any woman "complete" you (eliminating any chance of clinginess).
You see, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of when you're true to yourself. And I haven't talked much about what to do if you feel you're falling short when it comes to yourself because the answer to that is so simple and is an on-going life process: to pursue what you want and to love EVERY moment of it. If you can't focus on the little moments of your overall life process, then you're already ignoring the whole point of life! But that's a whole different topic, so I'll stop now.
Ciao.
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