Should I want her back/do I even stand a chance of getting her back?

[timmyturner]

Hi guys, first time poster, been lurking for quite some time though

So I will try to be as brief as possible, here it goes.

I am 25 she is 23 we have known each other for a little bit more than a year, became exclusive 6 months ago, everything was perfect - we never had any problems with our relationship and were madly in love or at least thats what I thought. There was only one deal breaker - the sex. I had issues maintaining my erection and she thought that I did not find her sexually attractive (this was never the case - I adore her). Needless to say this made a huge negative impact on my confidence and I came to a point where I would dodge situations that may end up with the both of us being intimate. I tried explaining to her that it was not her fault and that it was all in my head and I needed her to be supportive in order for me to get over this thing and she said she would give me the whole time in the world, but a week later she decided to end our relationship out of the blue. I went beta male and started begging her and what not, needless to say it did not work. I then told her to never contact me again unless she changes her mind about the two of us being together again romantically and told her that I will block her from all social media sites/apps. She cried during the whole break up process.

However I did not have the courage to block her, only went NC. For the next three weeks she would reach out once a week asking me how I was and I ended up going to her place to see her and when we met I acted calm and we discussed our relationship, she said that she never felt like this with anyone before, that no one took such a great care for her etc but in the end she said that she just did not feel it anymore. She also said that she was really confused and needed some time to decide wether she'd give me another chance. I went along with it until two days later a friend of mine told me that she has told him that she does not see us being together again but she does not wants to lose me and cares for me. By that time I have visited an urologist and found out I had problems with my genitals and will need a surgery. This is also the reason for the weak erections I was having with her, so I called her and we met again. I explained to her that I had medical issues and told her once again to only contact me if she changes her mind about the two of us, she cried again and I left.

This time I blocked her everywhere and started adjusting to the thought that I will have to live without her. Four days later I receive an email from her saying that she tried contacting me on instagram but I did not reply and she copied me the text she sent me there "I do not know if this message will find you, I only know that I should not text you.... I just want to know how are you doing" and I replied to her "You are not helping me with this , thought we have agreed" and she replied ".............. fine".

That same night she had a chat with a friend of mine who later send me what she told him it went along the lines of "I know how he feels, for the past month in which we were separated he came to see me two times and I rejected him twice. And while rejecting him I was asking myself how come am I doing this... I am happy with him, he treats me perfectly, he gives me his pure love and yet I am still not satisfied..."

So I have decided to never contact her unless she contacts me again, but what if she contacts me with the same intentions (to just see how I am)? I want her back but I am not sure if she will ever reach out to me again. What should I do? Any help will be greatly appreciated as I am really confused guys.

Best Regards.
T

 

[Desdinova]

What should I do?

Never contact her again. Ever. Regardless of whether she contacts you.

This one is finished. Dragging it out is only going to prevent you from recovering and moving on. It's time to meet and date other women.

I have a rule that I've created for myself... Any woman who is an ex-gf inherits a major red flag. Why does she get one? Because if it didn't work out the first time, it won't work out any other time. Every woman should have one chance per lifetime. She fvcked up her chance, and you've been giving her multiple openings which she didn't take. So you know what? Fvck her. She's been p1ssing around with your feelings and you've been rewarding her for it by giving her the time of day. Take away ALL the attention you've been giving her because she isn't worth it.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You should move on from this one.

-Get your health issues sorted out and find other girls. This one has admitted you don't satisfy her; it's very unlikely she'll ever recover from that after all this time. Girls who are in to you don't make it difficult for you.

-Start building a life that is complimented by, not complimentary to women. Not everyone can be the lovable a$$hole, but you can be popular and in demand from lots of women which achieves the same ends. Learn how to not be so fcking nice.

-I know what you're doing with the 'Don't contact me unless....' thing. However by replying to her when she is 'just seeing how you are', you are not backing up your own demand. Put it this way, telling a woman to do something is like telling a child; she'll probably do the exact opposite. She'll only know that you mean what you say when you act upon your own terms, not hers; which you are every time you reply to her. Move on sausage, because by replying to her, you both know that you are just spinning out the inevitable.

 

[timmyturner]

Yes, I too believe it is indeed time to move on... I have done everything to get that second chance, if she really loved me she would have never removed me from her life with such an ease. Not to mention that she alredy knows I have health issues... It is hard but I am determined to start reading Corey Wayne's book 10 times and get as many dates as I possibly can once I address my health problems and recover mentally as I have been on a big emotional roller coaster for the past month since we are separated.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Yes, I too believe it is indeed time to move on... I have done everything to get that second chance, if she really loved me she would have never removed me from her life with such an ease. Not to mention that she alredy knows I have health issues... It is hard but I am determined to start reading Corey Wayne's book 10 times and get as many dates as I possibly can once I address my health problems and recover mentally as I have been on a big emotional roller coaster for the past month since we are separated.

Don't just read Corey Wayne, check out other guys as well. We need to explore many different perspectives. One guys's advice will not be applicable to all women, or indeed you as a man. It's a case of pick and chose and test things that work for you.

 

[timmyturner]

Well I have watched a couple of relationship gurus on youtube and his approach seems the most logical to me, can you suggest other good books/coaches I can look up?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

There are many, they all have slightly differing styles and knowledge bases.... I agree about Corey Wayne, but we should never stop learning and road testing and evolving. That's the quickest way to become complacent.

Rollo Tommassi (evolutionary psychology)
Heartiste (game)
Marcus Oakey (charisma)
Nick Sparks (conversation)
Brent Smith (attraction)
+++

We have a veritable buffet of information we can pick and mix; compared to these guys who have had to go out and learn for themselves for years, decades. The least we can do is honour their efforts by experimenting and fine tuning and reinventing.

Take it from someone who has made improvements; if you read, practice and fine-tune and improve yourself, you will be attracting more women, higher quality women within months. If you pay attention and take action, by this time next year, you'll look back to this episode as a vague memory. It won't happen overnight though, so patience is the ultimate virtue.

 

[Igetit!]

if she really loved me she would have never removed me from her life with such an ease.

She didn't remove you from her life "with ease". If you'll read your OWN WORDS,you'll see that she was hurting and this was painful for her as well. YOUR words.....

"she thought that I did not find her sexually attractive" That'll make a woman feel unwanted/undesirable,and vulnerable to cheating....even though she really doesn't want to.

Now this next one is HUGE.....

"this made a huge negative impact on my confidence" That's MAJOR dude,cause it changes who you are around her and how you behave. This explains her "just did not feel it anymore" comment. She doesn't "feel it" anymore because the guy she entered into the relationship with isn't there anymore......he's gone,and has been replaced by this insecure,no self-confidence having shell of a man. Then you said..


"I went beta male and started begging her" And that was ON TOP OF the negative impact your condition had on your confidence. That's why all your attempts to get her back failed.

Have you looked in the mirrior? Look at who you're trying to get her to return back to.


If you've decided to move on from this girl,good.......but it won't solve anything ultimately.....cause you can't "move on" from YOU.

The no confidence,beta male BS...it's ALL gotta go. Otherwise you'll just take it with you to the next girl/next relationship and be in this exact situation all over again with a new girl.

Now.....I understand this is the result of your medical condition,but to the chick it won't matter. Cause I highly doubt you're going to disclose this info to the next girl you date from the getgo. So you two will be dating for a while,then after things sort of get serious,you'll spring this on her EITHER DURING OR AFTER a sexual encounter,and she'll start to feel unwanted,unattractive....just like the girl here did. It'll be the same thing all over again.


It's HARD for a woman to feel attraction and empathy for a man at the same time,so you might wanna get yourself in order before getting involved with another chick. That means get your confidence back and get rid of the "beta" BS. I'd also suggest you NOT seek sympathy or understanding from a chick about your medical condition...especially from a NEW chick.


I hate to say go get the surgery to fix the issue and THEN get back to dating cause I know it isn't that simple,but the way I see it,it's like.....

Erection problem------------>insecurity/low self-confidence------------>Problems and issues with girls.........one leads to the other.


There's no easy solution here,all I know is this......AS LONG AS you keep having confidence issues,you're going to run into the SAME PROBLEM as you did with your ex.......girl after girl after girl.

 

[timmyturner]

Thank you all for the comments and insights, as far as I am concerned I will remain no contact and try to solve my health issues and just move on while striving to improve my game...

 

[El Payaso]

She's f*cking someone else.

 

[Infern0]

Sort your health out.

Once you take care of yourself things will work out all good

 

[dustmuffin]

I didn't read all of this. It's a break-up and an ex. Move on....she is in the past. Read the DJ bible and learn how to game women. It worked for me and others. It will work for you.

 

[timmyturner]

Today a friend of mine told me that for the past 2 days she has posted 2 songs on FB, both of them love songs we used to listen to when we were together and on one of them she has commented that it "brings her back to something good". Also there is this hot girl that keeps commenting my Facebook posts and she told me that a girl friend of my ex has added her (her profile is locked and no content is visible to the public). Since I have blocked my ex it means that she has visited my profile from her friend's account and told her friend to add that girl that is showing interest in me...

 

[dude99]

Today a friend of mine told me that for the past 2 days she has posted 2 songs on FB, both of them love songs we used to listen to when we were together and on one of them she has commented that it "brings her back to something good". Also there is this hot girl that keeps commenting my Facebook posts and she told me that a girl friend of my ex has added her (her profile is locked and no content is visible to the public). Since I have blocked my ex it means that she has visited my profile from her friend's account and told her friend to add that girl that is showing interest in me...

She doesn't want to be with you but she doesn't want anyone else to be with you either. She wants to know she can go ride the c0ck carousel and you will be a good little boy and wait until its your turn if things don't work out for her.

Learn this and stick by this rule. 1 chance per lifetime. She blew her chance. Next. Never contact again. Ignore her future attempts to reach out. DATE OTHER WOMEN.