Should I Ask Her Out?

[CanuckinSK]

Last year I moved to a new town (about two hours from where I live now) to take a higher paying job. Housing was (and is) hard to find around here, and I ended up renting a suite from a divorced mother of two, who was around my age.

We really hit if off personality wise, and seemed to have a mutual attraction. A couple months later, I summoned up the courage to ask her out, and the four of us went to dinner and an amusement park for the kids after.

Her kids really seemed to like me, and her son formed an instant bond with me. Our date ended cordially, and I suggested we go out again sometime, and left it at that.

We never did go out again, and I've since relocated to a different city. When I told her I was leaving, she was really disappointed and kind of pissed at me. She was nice however, when she returned my damage deposit.

Thing is, when I was trying to 'court' her, in my half-assed way, I was being 'super nice', putting her first, being completely accomodating, clearing snow from her sidewalk, and doing other little things for her, and generally just trying to win her over with 'niceness'.

I really liked her, she was very intelligent, outgoing, great sense of humour, and had a nice slim sexy figure. The one drawback; she had a psycotic ex who slashed her tires and was insanely jealous.

According to this site, I used a completely wrong approach(wuss). Should I try to pursue her again using DJ techniques? I'm pretty sure she was losing interest in the 'wuss' side that I presented before.

 

[jophil28]

What do you have to lose by dating someone who has a psycho EX/H ( except YOUR sanity, your health and YOUR tires )

 

[joekerr31]

your only considering this because you aren't spinning plates.

go for it if you want, just understand there will likely be tons of drama. you THINK you know this woman - but you won't really know the real her until you start f*cking her.

 

[penkitten]

is it truly her fault that her ex is a psycho?
i mean after all , she dumped him and that is what you do when you find out your bf/gf is a psycho right?
i mean, she is already paying for new tires... and should be seeking a stalker order from the police department.

as long as she isn't trying to get back together with him, why should she pay for the mistakes that he continues to make after she kicked him to the curb. maybe she wants a real man for once and not some lunatic.

 

[joekerr31]

is it truly her fault that her ex is a psycho?

thats like saying 'is it truly her fault that she has an STD?' or "is it truly her fault that she has cancer?"

its not someones fault if they have cancer or an STD, but it does limit my interest in them romantically. im more than happy to be their friend - but i dont really feel like sleeping with a chic that will give me an STD, or falling in love with a woman who is going to die in the near future.

the ugly ugly ugly truth in life is that all humans pick mates based on the benefits to THEIR life (at least initially). after a while, as we create emotional attachments and bonds, we stick around (hop9efully) through thick and thin, cancer, bankruptcy, whatever.

but initially the drama surrounding a woman is relevant to assessing whether you want to get in to a relationship with her - whether that drama is her fault or not.

im just saying that if he was spinning plates he'd have 10 cool women to choose from and likely would pick one who didn't have a psycho ex in the picture.

 

[DJDamage]

We really hit if off personality wise, and seemed to have a mutual attraction. A couple months later, I summoned up the courage to ask her out, and the four of us went to dinner and an amusement park for the kids after.

Her kids really seemed to like me, and her son formed an instant bond with me. Our date ended cordially, and I suggested we go out again sometime, and left it at that.

You had a date with her and her kids?? that's not really a date! that's more like her trying to qualify you in front of her kids while you are playing some sort of surrgoate father/friend, instead of going on a real date one on one where there is sexual element to it all. You can't have sexual tension when the kids are around. Besides is she really a catch? Lets look at this woman closely shell we?:

- divorced
- with kids
- in her late 30's
- with psycho ex (that happens to be their father and you would have to deal with)

All the things I mentioned above will make it harder for you to enjoy yourself. How about this list:

- Never been married
- No kids
- In her mid-late 20's
- No ex around hanging around.

Doesn't that sound like a better situation for you??? go and find that girl that is better suited for your life.

 

[CanuckinSK]

You had a date with her and her kids?? that's not really a date! that's more like her trying to qualify you in front of her kids while you are playing some sort of surrgoate father/friend, instead of going on a real date one on one where there is sexual element to it all. You can't have sexual tension when the kids are around.

Very true, and that was entirely my doing. I thought it would help her financially by not having to get a sitter. She wanted to go out alone with me.

 

[Latinoman]

Very true, and that was entirely my doing. I thought it would help her financially by not having to get a sitter. She wanted to go out alone with me.

you have a LOT to learn

 

[penkitten]

why did you take her on a family date?
i think you have just ljbf'ed yourself.

 

[CanuckinSK]

Yeah well, I've been in the red zone a number of times, but I always fumble. I can't deny that...

 

[jophil28]

Hey Canuck - you qualify to be nominated " NICE guy of the Year."
You know what happens to NICE guys ? Read Pen kitten's reply for the answer.
You are suffering from a common male )subconscious) belief that we got from our Mothers..It can be condensed and spelled out thus ." If you do good (nice,generous, helpful) things for others then they will return the kindness ..."
OK, in a perfect world full of kind generous people this would apply BUT the world is not like that.
Women today experience "niceness" ,in the form of helpfulness and generosity, as an opportunity to expect more and they will exploit you for all that they can get from you...and then drop you in the F/zone when they experience a feeling of having to contibute to the relationship, or some dropkick unemployed loser with a cocaine/alcohol problem comes along and stirs her hormones.
As STr8uP said " Women are utterly self serving creatures",and I would add "without a personal moral or ethic code."

You have approached this woman thinking that she will "approve " of you by your demonstration of decency and consideration. Yes, she will "like" you for that -who wouldn't, but your mission is not to be LIKED ,it is to create chemical attraction in her.

THis is NOT a job interview for you that you hope will lead to her creating a "position' for you in her life.

 

[Apollo]

Call her up and tell her "I'm going to be back in town for a bit next week did you want to grab something?". You should really try to close the deal that night. You may even want to mention in a jokingly manner that she should get a baby sitter because you'll be out really late.

 

[STR8UP]

As STr8uP said " Women are utterly self serving creatures",and I would add "without a personal moral or ethic code."

I think women have a stronger moral and ethical code than men, but the difference is that with women everything is "subject to change without notice".

 

[joekerr31]

I think women have a stronger moral and ethical code than men, but the difference is that with women everything is "subject to change without notice".

str8up, are you drinking tonight? reread what you just wrote.

if everything is subject to change without notice then how can they have a strong sense of morals and ethics?

 

[STR8UP]

str8up, are you drinking tonight? reread what you just wrote.

if everything is subject to change without notice then how can they have a strong sense of morals and ethics?

Maybe I should have worded it differently.

What I meant was that women set boundaries, but as soon as the situation warrants they find a way to justify crossing the line.

And it depends upon the situation. A woman is going to be less likely to steal, but on the same token she is going to be more likely to commit "emotional offenses" than a man.

 

[MatureDJ]

Easier said than done

Besides is she really a catch? Lets look at this woman closely shell we?:

- divorced
- with kids
- in her late 30's
- with psycho ex (that happens to be their father and you would have to deal with)

All the things I mentioned above will make it harder for you to enjoy yourself. How about this list:

- Never been married
- No kids
- In her mid-late 20's
- No ex around hanging around.

Doesn't that sound like a better situation for you??? go and find that girl that is better suited for your life.

Of course, the latter would be a better situation. The problem is that such a woman has higher sexual market value, and therefore would have many other suitors. There are many men (myself included) who would take your advice and not touch the former, hence there would be less men who would be interested.

What type of advice would you give to the man who is incapable of meeting and dating a proper woman (who is still attractive)?

 

[jophil28]

You want to test some women,s ethics ??
Go ask TEN divorced men these questions, " Would you say that your Ex wife made your marriage her priority in her life. Did she show unwavering loyalty to you as a husband ? Was your relationship with her the " main event " in her life?.. You will be floored by the answers ( maybe you can guess what the answers will be )

Then ask the SAME questions of men who are successfully married and have been happy in their marriage ... the answers are very revealing .