She's just TOO nice...

[Omen]

So i've been on this subject with a few people at work, and we've been talking about this girl who is just too nice. She's 18, and one of those girls who was brought up to be really sincere, and all of that jazz. She says thanks and sorry, ALL OF THE TIME, and she even says it when she doesn't need too. She's VERY shy, and it seems as if almost everyone intimidates her.

Seriously the sweetest girl in the world.

Now what we've been talking about is that...could a guy really date a girl like this? If we think about what we all go through, and the type of women we date, a girl like this is just not typical. She would be the type that if you said you felt like Chinese instead of Italian, she'd start saying... Sorry. You'd have nothing to argue over, or even get into any type of disagreement.

At the same time, there is that assurance that this girl would NEVER cheat, she'd always be faithful, sincere, and not be a b*tch. Yes, I am sure she might get a little ticked, but nothing crazy.

I've tried to get her to get a little edge, cause I hate to see her get walked on. And by edge, I mean to just stick up for herself, dont let people walk on her, and voice her opinion. She's the type that feels like everything is always HER fault. She asked for a band-aid on Monday, and was like.. Sorry.

But what i'm wondering, is that if us as guys are always complaining about other women, who are NOT quality, who are trash, who cheat, flirt like crazy, and a pain in the ass, etc.... Then go the total opposite, then THAT is not good either.

So can a guy ultimately have a relationship with a woman like that? I'm trying to decide if I would take that, to ditch the CRAP we deal with. I think it would be great to wake up every morning, and not worry about your girl. At the same time too, I feel like over time it would just be boring, and possibly annoying that she is just too nice, sweet, and kind. But again, she's brought up that way, and I can see it from analyzing her family when I saw them once.

I think this is a good discussion to have. We always talk about quality women, or all the problems we have, but what about something like this? Is this a problem? I cant see changing the girl, and I dont think I ever would really. It's nice to see one with no drama, and one that is genuinely sweet and nice. It kind of makes my day on occasion to know that there is a woman out there that isn't totally F*ed up in the brain.

Could any of you have a relationship with a woman like this or not? Maybe ultimately it would have to be a mirror figure of her to make it work. I dont know. Just something that's been on my mind.

 

[slaog]

Interesting...

Here's a question for you. Is she genuinely nice or is she nice because she wants to be liked i.e like AFC men)?


Sounds to me like she is being nice because she wants to be liked. She probably have low self esteem because you said she was shy too.


I could have a relationship like that as there are alot of benefits but in the long run she would have to become more assertive and have more self esteem otherwise it could be a turn off.


Even men are looking for women with high value and there is more to it then looks. Thats why I find that some women no matter how good looking they are they seem to have a low self esteem personality and that of course is no fun. Fun being the key word with these as they are too busy being self conscious to concentrate on other things.

 

[Omen]

Interesting...

Here's a question for you. Is she genuinely nice or is she nice because she wants to be liked i.e like AFC men)?


Sounds to me like she is being nice because she wants to be liked. She probably have low self esteem because you said she was shy too.


I could have a relationship like that as there are alot of benefits but in the long run she would have to become more assertive and have more self esteem otherwise it could be a turn off.


Even men are looking for women with high value and there is more to it then looks. Thats why I find that some women no matter how good looking they are they seem to have a low self esteem personality and that of course is no fun. Fun being the key word with these as they are too busy being self conscious to concentrate on other things.

No, she's just genuinely nice. She has friends outside work, has friends at work, everyone loves her, she talks to people, but she's just proper, and there are many things i've noticed about her.

One day she asked for her paycheck, and she kind of stood there with a shrug look like she was afraid to approach, and was like.. Sorry, take your time. I was like... I'm not busy.

When you get hired, they tell you that you are supposed to park way out, and to this day she does. I think she feels like she'll get yelled at or something.

Some of the other girls were talking one day about piercings, and below the waist, and she got all weirded out by that conversation, and was like... Yikes!

I'm guessing a VERY conservative girl. Ever been kissed? I would probably go with no. So then i'm wondering how much stuff like that scares her. I mean she has parents, and obviously you know what it takes to have kids, so its not like her parents aren't, or were never intimate.

She's also easily scared, and just as if being in society is NEW. Now she goes to school, is going to graduate, so its not like she's been home schooled or anything.

I mean I feel bad for this girl in ways because she always thinks she's the source of a problem or something that has happened.

Like if she asked for a pen or something and I said, I dont have one, she'd be like.. Sorry, and that it was her fault. Maybe she's sheltered, maybe she's just... I dont know.

People are not that nice and shy all of the time, and it's rare. So when you put someone like her out in the wild, it's scary as hell.

I've tried to help her, and this girl said... She texted me, and said you are trying to get her to be a little more assertive. The problem is that it's one of those Cute angry's, or not so serious upset deals. She always says... Am I getting better? I'm like... Yep, you're doing good.

It's sad, cause people could walk all over this girl, and guys could definitely do that. Thankfully it isn't like that now, but who knows down the road. What's it like when you think everything is your fault? What if she dates a guy, and he becomes abusive, but then thinks the problem is always HER? Not good.

Some of her bosses have thought about talking with her, cause she just needs to relax, and not be so closed off, and not to think that she always does everything wrong.

 

[slaog]

She sounds like an AFC female. Trying to please everybody because she has low self esteem and thinks (deep down) that people don't like her.


Actually the reason for her behaviour IMO is because of the way she has been brought up. I bet her parents were very strict and probably gave out to her for every little mistake she made. Mine were like that though not too strict.

 

[Omen]

She sounds like an AFC female. Trying to please everybody because she has low self esteem and thinks (deep down) that people don't like her.


Actually the reason for her behaviour IMO is because of the way she has been brought up. I bet her parents were very strict and probably gave out to her for every little mistake she made. Mine were like that though not too strict.

We all know many girls have low self esteem, and it is very possible with this one. Even though I may not see it at work, and or what is going on inside her brain, it is definitely possible. I mean she's not ugly, she only has a few extra pounds, but we all know how women think. When your skinny, you're fat.

Mostly I think it is because of a strict upbringing. Now not that her parents beat her, but growing up, I think she followed most everything to a T. Granted she's prob not perfect, but she just has things to work on.

But seeing all of this, it is hard to decide what a woman like that would be like as a partner in a relationship. It's like I said how you have both sides.

One, you have no worries. You can wake up every morning and not worry.

But at the same time, you have to worry about the relationship getting boring, or old, or annoying BECAUSE she is too nice. You'd get mad for her apologizing for every little thing, or saying everything is her fault.

I dont know. I guess all one can do is date someone like that to see what it's like. I would like to know how I could handle a girl like that, who is the total opposite from what I have had. Now i'm not saying none of my exes were not nice, i'm just saying that the drama and the sh*t that went on was too much, and drove me crazy.

Sometimes I think i'd rather have the girl I speak of, then all that other crap. Why's she mad, why wont she call, why is she not talking. Why is she saying nothing's wrong, is she with another guy I dont know about? All of these things we go through, we would not have to worry about with a girl I speak of. Now maybe a tiny bit, but the one I speak of, I can say that there is a 99% chance NONE of the above would ever come into play.

It's really hard to say since most of us dont have relationships with women like I speak of. Most of us are having problems, yelling, or getting yelled at.

 

[The Bat]

Actually, dealing with these types of girls is tough. Tough because it's hard to attract them since you can never tell if she is genuinely interested or is just being her usual nice self. And also tough because of their conservative beliefs about sex and sexuality.

Plus, remember that this girl is only 18. Compare that to a 18 year old guy. Lot of 18 year old guys are like her. Shy, insecure, not confident, afraid, etc...It doesn't mean that these young kids are going to stay that way their entire life. Somewhere down the road they'll learn how to be more assertive, confident, secure,..or maybe they'll find sites like this...

Their insecure and scared mindset is a pain in the a$$. You'll always feel like you're "baby sitting" girls like these. Because they always need to be validated and comforted even when it's unwarranted and unnecessary. For most guys, this is a burden and they ultimately end up feeling guilty for her emotional state. Yes, even the abusive ones. Think about it for a second. Yes, the abusive ones are responsible for doling out the abuse, but the recipient/victim is also responsible for continually putting up with the abuse. Two wrongs don't make a right, but in this case, both parties are responsible to some degree.

I'd advise to never get into a relationship with anyone with a low self-esteem and low self-worth. They simply can't stand up for themselves so they will expect you to stand up for them. What the fvck is that? You are not their parent.

I know couple of guys who are in a LTR with girls like these. The guys actually get a "high" from being their "man" and looking out for them every step of the way. And the girls can continue to live life with an insecure, low self-esteem mindset afraid to speak up their minds. I ask myself all the time why these guys put up with babies like those girls...I mean...what the hell is wrong with them?

A relationship is supposed to be a two way street where two people genuinely want to be with each other...not out of fear of loss or value...but out of desire to accompany each other in the journey of life.

Girls that have a mindset like these never make for a compatible partner...unless of course you are the type of guy who is so controlling that he needs to "mold" and "direct" his partner's personality and life in the direction he wants them to go.

P.S. If you can attract them and allow them to express themselves in the bedroom freely without shame, then they are GREAT to experiment with in the bedroom. Just don't expect them to bring anything of their own to the bedroom which will satisfy you.

 

[thefonz]

I've dealth with a girl that sounds exactly like the one your talking about. It does get really annoying after a while once you get down to hanging out on a regular basis. Especially for me since I'm a raving ranting injustice fanatic...so when I look at someone observing something terribly unfair being done to them or other people and they just sit there and take it, it pisses me off to no end. Eventually, the novelty cuteness of her being a pushover wears off when you want her to back you up on something and she sits queitly and uncomfortably at what your doing.

Psychologists clasify this "niceness" as extreme selfishness. Think about it. Is it not extremely selfish to base your whole life around what other people think about you, to walk on eggshells just so your ego can stay in tact? It has nothing to do with wanting to people other people, it's all about keeping a favorable opinion about yourself at all times. Kinda ****ed up when you look at it like that.

Tell me, can you talk to this girl for a long period of time? Does it feel like she's not really paying attention to you most of the time, like her mind is always in the clouds? My girl would sort of zone in and out of attention most of the time and I could tell it was because she was mostly thinking about her self while I was talking.

 

[Omen]

I've dealth with a girl that sounds exactly like the one your talking about. It does get really annoying after a while once you get down to hanging out on a regular basis. Especially for me since I'm a raving ranting injustice fanatic...so when I look at someone observing something terribly unfair being done to them or other people and they just sit there and take it, it pisses me off to no end. Eventually, the novelty cuteness of her being a pushover wears off when you want her to back you up on something and she sits queitly and uncomfortably at what your doing.

Psychologists clasify this "niceness" as extreme selfishness. Think about it. Is it not extremely selfish to base your whole life around what other people think about you, to walk on eggshells just so your ego can stay in tact? It has nothing to do with wanting to people other people, it's all about keeping a favorable opinion about yourself at all times. Kinda ****ed up when you look at it like that.

Tell me, can you talk to this girl for a long period of time? Does it feel like she's not really paying attention to you most of the time, like her mind is always in the clouds? My girl would sort of zone in and out of attention most of the time and I could tell it was because she was mostly thinking about her self while I was talking.

And that's what I try to help her with. I'll try to get her to not take something. Or if she apologizes, I tell her... No, you dont need to apologize. But this goes with what "The Bat" said. You feel like a baby sitter, and you shouldn't have to be her parents. At the same time too, you think about the fact that you dont take your parents to school or work, so how are they supposed to know what goes on, or how you interact.

I'm not the only one that is trying to get her to relax, and come out of her shell a little bit. I was like...one day you may just call me a jerk, and you'll be just like so and so. She laughed, but the point was that it would be hard to get this girl to actually show some toughness. She has gotten better, but she has a LONG ways to go.

I dont get the chance to really have long conversations with her. On occasion I have, and no, it didn't seem like her head was in the clouds. We spoke about school, and what she wanted to be, and college and stuff like that, and she carried on a conversation quite well.

All I can say is that it is very interesting to be around a person like this. I've really been trying to pick this one apart because she interests me when you compare her to all the other girls out there.

 

[DrD77]

is she hot?

 

[OTB]

is she hot?

I second that question! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[DrD77]

I second that question! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

I'm picturing a hot girl from the things described in this thread.

 

[Darth]

I don't know, to me she sounds really sweet and submissive and...feminine.

"It kind of makes my day on occasion to know that there is a woman out there that isn't totally F*ed up in the brain."

It kind of relieves me too. I was beginning to wonder for awhile. These kinds of girls are a dying breed....

But yeah, I would definitely date her, and maybe after getting to know her better encourage her to still be polite, but not to let herself be taken advantage of.

But yeah, she sounds like my type. Go for it man. And if it doesn't work out, give me her number I'm closer to her age anyway

 

[themann]

all people cheat. regardless of how sweet/kind/NICE they may be. everyone is tempted by it because its in our nature, so don't expect them not to.

And by the way, remember this from pook:

the more of a man you are, the more of a woman you will get. opposites attract dude, the sweeter she is the better!

 

[daygameguy]

I have definitely met some girls like you just described above.

While it's obvious that their personality has defects, but her shyness could also be a plus. She will be less likely to cheat on you.

Remember this, NEVER tone down YOUR personality for ANY girl. You can be less ****y, and calibrate your game, but you dont have to act like an AFC, just to connect with her. Instead, be a charming dominant male, and guide her out of her shell.. it will take more time to build that sense of trust in her eyes, but once you do get that trust, she will think you are her prince charming...

These girls are easiest to game imo. You already have a higher value in her perception, she knows you are cooler than her, you just need to make her feel connected and comfortable around you, and be playful enough to make her day every time you see her. Trust me, you can win her over.

 

[Omen]

Is she hot? lol. She's cute. You ever picture these dorky type of way. Now I dont mean she's a dork and all, its just how I phrase her. Someone else came up to me and goes... you know...so and so is kind of cute in this weird way. I started laughing because I knew what he meant.

themann...Ok, I will agree with you somewhat on the people are/can be tempted to cheat. I personally have NEVER cheated on any girlfriend I have had. Sure I may say... man that girl is fine, or what an ass, etc etc, but I have never cheated while dating someone. Now I may be tempted to find another girl if the one i'm with is just down right boring, but I dont cheat.

And I can say for a fact that this one would never do it either. I know a handful of people who have never cheated, and vice versa.

daygameguy... I think that is key. You dont have to tone your personality down, but I think you have to tweak some things accordingly. As in calibrate your game. We have to do things different for each girl.

With this one, I am LESS ****y, because I know that too much is not a good thing. Other girls I know, may talk to me, and I would say... Did I tell you to talk? Or... Did you say something, cause I wasn't paying attention.

And then I get called a jerk. But with this girl, you dont do that.

She said one day she'd dye her hair and when she didn't, I was like... Shame on your for not dying your hair like you said.

Certain other girls I may have called a wuss, baby, or said... Are you afraid it's going to look worse then it already does?

It's all about reading each woman.

I mean you have no idea how many times this girl says thank you when I dont even do anything besides my job. It's a higher pitched thank you and not just monotone. More of a sincere one.

Darth.... They are a dying breed. You dont know how many times I wish I could talk to a girl without crap coming out of her mouth, an attitude, or heck, even get one to actually say thanks and mean it. And being polite is great, but the taking advantage of is what I dont want to see happen to this girl.

 

[daygameguy]

Your head is in the right direction (in terms of game). But infatuation leads to problems. Just game her, and get her interested in you first, and then you can be as infatuated as you want.

 

[Pakwah]

i personally have went from *****y girlfriend to too nice gf. i find i am constantly telling my current gf not to be so clingy, to go out sometime, to not be waiting for me when i get home, to make plans without me, set some boundries. when i walk in the door, she is huggin me, tellin me she missed me, wants to sit together on the couch etc...
i tell her i need to breathe, she says there is nothing wrong with loving too much.
i tell her space in togetherness, cant miss whats never gone.
just started talkin to an ex again and finding it exciting cuz she was a *****, evasive, and all, and i find after learning my mistakes with her, that although we just touched base again, i find it more exciting to flirt and joke with her than my gf, the ex is challenging, the gf is not.
the gf gives me all the attention i could want - and its scary and i dont like it
i want a gf who i can love, who can love me back, and doesnt make me their whole life.
you spend all your time with your bf/gf/ you stop being the person that attracted them to you in the first place.

 

[Omen]

i personally have went from *****y girlfriend to too nice gf. i find i am constantly telling my current gf not to be so clingy, to go out sometime, to not be waiting for me when i get home, to make plans without me, set some boundries. when i walk in the door, she is huggin me, tellin me she missed me, wants to sit together on the couch etc...
i tell her i need to breathe, she says there is nothing wrong with loving too much.
i tell her space in togetherness, cant miss whats never gone.
just started talkin to an ex again and finding it exciting cuz she was a *****, evasive, and all, and i find after learning my mistakes with her, that although we just touched base again, i find it more exciting to flirt and joke with her than my gf, the ex is challenging, the gf is not.
the gf gives me all the attention i could want - and its scary and i dont like it
i want a gf who i can love, who can love me back, and doesnt make me their whole life.
you spend all your time with your bf/gf/ you stop being the person that attracted them to you in the first place.

See, at the same time too, I think there is another classification as to what YOU had. While there is the girl that may be too nice, I think there is the type that can be too nice, and too clingy.

The girl I speak of, I dont see calling all the time, waiting around, not doing her thing, etc etc. Not the "I love you so much we cant be apart" woman. Not only that, I think she'd be the type that for a long time she'd feel like she'd be a pain IF she called. She'd probably call a few times and think she's calling too much, and that she's messing up, and then apologize.

In fact this one would be too shy to actually do what you mentioned. I think the type you had was just one of those crazy clingy girls you cant get away from.

I met this girl online once, and I had her in class once, and knew she looked familiar, so we agreed to meet. And before that, she was telling me she was thinking of me, missed me, and I was like.... Uh... crazy psycho girl. She was nice as well, but TOTALLY different then the girl I speak of. That girl said she was thinking of me before she went to bed, and THAT was creepy seeing how I never personally met her.