She brings a GF into the picture.

[STORMCLOUD]

Awhile back I pursued this chick and got nowhere with her. I basically cut off contact, but whenever she contacted me I was cool to her. She has for the past few months been trying to see me, but I've resisted it. Until the other day...

She asks me out to dinner, her treat. I thought well that's fine we can catch up and leave it at that. At the last minute she invites a friend. The impression I got was we would be having dinner together. I probably could have cancelled out but I really didn't care either way.

And that's where I'm stumped. What is the friend's purpose? Part of me says she wants to set her friend up with me, but usually one would let it be known I'm being invited to join her and her gf. To describe my friend she is a classic AW. Very beautiful with well hidden low self esteem. I would think inviting another female only robs her of my attention. Not to mention if we do hit it off, she'd lose me completely. That's why I highly doubt this is the purpose of inviting the gf.

Or is the gf there to provide some kind of emotional support? I know her friend controlled the conversation and all chances of any one on one interactions were not be done for the night. I do imagine we will go out again because I've since learned her gf saw me in a favorable light. I should also mention she emailed me thanking me for dinner and suggesting we go out again. I responded with a basic acknowledgement without any future commitment on my part. Because however beautiful she is, there is no way I'm gonna sacrifice who I am for her. It's just not my style.

The bottom line is this, I care for her but not enough to venture beyond a casual relationship. I'd rather not repeat the ordeal I was put through, and if I have to walk away again, I will.... But I want to know what her intentions are with me. And why the inviting of the gf? I should add, I felt as though they in some way they were trying to manipulate me. Have any of you out there dealt with a two pronged attack from an ex and her gf?

The final goal is to suck me back in, and I know many will say run or why bother? But I'd hope there'd be more objective feedback on her motivations to ask me to dinner and invite her gf. Thanks.

 

[Bible_Belt]

At the last minute she invites a friend.

That's hugely disrespectful to you. I would have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, gabbed on and on about my free meal I was getting because she was paying, and then bolted asap after you were done eating. Reject her before she rejects you, and this girl is, as they say, just not that into you. It happens. Find another girl who is into you, and everything will be much easier.

 

[wjh]

It sounds as though your friend enjoys drama. If youve communicated your interest in your friend but were not taken as a serious candidate then you have to resign yourself to finding other women unless you enjoy these games. If you felt you were being toyed with, chances are, on some level, you were. Don't let your ego cloud your judgement. These situations are largely preventable.

 

[iqqi]

I just don't see what the big deal was. So what, she invited a friend. Did she give you the idea that it was some romantic evening of loving? Sounds like she was trying to catch up with you. Maybe she was nervous to see you alone. Who knows? Why is it such a big deal?

She wanted to see you again. She invited a friend. I just don't see what the big deal was. Sounds like a good time, to me.

I think you have way too many expectations. You sound like my girl who is going to be single FOREVER cuz she always has some damned insane expectations, when noone gave her a good reason to have any.

It is what it is.

 

[Phyzzle]

At the last minute she invites a friend.

And did she specifically say this was a GIRLfriend?

 

[ketostix]

I will.... But I want to know what her intentions are with me. And why the inviting of the gf? I should add, I felt as though they in some way they were trying to manipulate me. Have any of you out there dealt with a two pronged attack from an ex and her gf?

She was trying to manipulate you. She's putting her and her friends heads together to do it.

 

[ketostix]

I just don't see what the big deal was. So what, she invited a friend. Did she give you the idea that it was some romantic evening of loving? Sounds like she was trying to catch up with you. Maybe she was nervous to see you alone. Who knows? Why is it such a big deal?

She wanted to see you again. She invited a friend. I just don't see what the big deal was. Sounds like a good time, to me.

I think you have way too many expectations. You sound like my girl who is going to be single FOREVER cuz she always has some damned insane expectations, when noone gave her a good reason to have any.

It is what it is.

That's right expect nothing from women and you won't be disappointed-in women at least. She invited the friend at the last minute for no good peurpose as far as the OP's concerened. You're too female biased.

 

[iqqi]

That's right expect nothing from women and you won't be disappointed-in women at least. She invited the friend at the last minute for no good peurpose as far as the OP's concerened. You're too female biased.

Sounds like she also invited him out to eat for no good purpose. She probably did a lot of things for "no good purpose". Why does there have to be some grand purpose?

 

[ketostix]

Sounds like she also invited him out to eat for no good purpose. She probably did a lot of things for "no good purpose". Why does there have to be some grand purpose?

She had a purpose. Just not a purpose with his interest in mind. Her purpose was to gratify her AW ego. Did you not read the part where he had been ignoring her for some time?

 

[iqqi]

Yea... but I still don't get why he is so upset.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I still don't get why he is so upset.

Think of the guy whom you are craziest about. If it was your lucky day and he asked you out, would you show up on your dream date with a girlie friend?

 

[iqqi]

But I got the impression that he hadn't been speakin to her for awhile. I doubt that he is the guy she is craziest about, BTW.

 

[Phyzzle]

Hey, read it again. It was oddly written. Did you notice that you wrote the entire post in the present tense, except for this:

I should also mention she emailed me thanking me for dinner and suggesting we go out again.

I'm going to agree with Iqqi. I wish I had friendly exes living around me introducing me to their female friends. So, yeah, unless you have 5 plates spinning and no free time, just go. Her agenda (if any) is none of your concern.

 

[PlaysToWin]

I respectfully disagree with you, iqqi.

She should know damn well that this guy was expecting that it would be just the two of them. The fact that she asked him without mentioning her friend suggests she is being manipulative... basically hoping he'd agree to it before the full terms are known to him.

If she's scared of meeting him on her own, then she really shouldn't be meeting him at all imo. (Though I acknowledge girls string people along like this all the time)

The OP should probably have said something along the lines of "Sorry, I thought we were just catching up, I have no interest in meeting your friend, maybe another time..." and go back to ignoring her.

Romantic interest on her behalf or not, inviting this guy to dinner and then at a later stage throwing in the fact that there would be another person there is very rude, disrespectful and somewhat manipulative.

 

[ketostix]

I respectfully disagree with you, iqqi.

She should know damn well that this guy was expecting that it would be just the two of them. The fact that she asked him without mentioning her friend suggests she is being manipulative... basically hoping he'd agree to it before the full terms are known to him.

If she's scared of meeting him on her own, then she really shouldn't be meeting him at all imo. (Though I acknowledge girls string people along like this all the time)

The OP should probably have said something along the lines of "Sorry, I thought we were just catching up, I have no interest in meeting your friend, maybe another time..." and go back to ignoring her.

Romantic interest on her behalf or not, inviting this guy to dinner and then at a later stage throwing in the fact that there would be another person there is very rude, disrespectful and somewhat manipulative.

Bingo. It's not what he bargained for and she knew it, and so he should've declined.

 

[jophil28]

THis is what she was playing at -

1. She knows that you were romantically interested in her in the past. Back then she played 'hard to get' or even "impossible to get" but relished the attention that you provided in your pursuit.
Ergo ,she knows that you were hot for her, and she also assumed that you are STILL hot for her..

2. She is an AW (your statement) and so because we men understand AWs and their motivations we can assume that she would derive an ego boost from any kind of male attention - especially from YOU, a guy who has made it obvious that he wanted her in the past.
You don't "catch up" with an AW like a regular female friend - AWs only care about you as a source of 'supply' to their ego needs.

3. However she had to figure out a way to play her standard AW game - " I know you want me and I love dangling myself in front of you but staying out of reach". THis is the extreme version of the "hard to get " game ( imagine all the ego gratification and the attention and the fun she got from sitting at the same table with you - a guy who she knows wants to f**k her. )
BUT, she needed to get the ego-gasm for herself WITHOUT giving you what she ASSUMED you will want later ....

4. So, she needed a 'legit' way to get what SHE wanted by seeing you and arousing you again ( no matter if you did not feel that anymore- she assumed you did still lust after her because you accepted her dinner invite) BUT she needed someone to run defense and provide a blockade to any plans that you might have for her after the dinner date.

Hence the G/F - she was simply a c0ckblock, dude .

You got played by a cheap trick from an AW ..

It happens...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

At the last minute she invites a friend.

That's hugely disrespectful to you. I would have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, gabbed on and on about my free meal I was getting because she was paying, and then bolted asap after you were done eating. Reject her before she rejects you, and this girl is, as they say, just not that into you. It happens. Find another girl who is into you, and everything will be much easier.

I don't think so. She's treating and they were "just friends" right? Stormcloud said the plan was just to play catch up and leave it as that.

Now as for the purpose, I'm guessing it was a post-qualification session for her and her friend. Stormcloud must have been brought up as a topic of conversation at some time, especially since the friend is coming to a event where he will be. There is a reason the ex wants them to meet and qualification usually plays a part.

As for bypassing the invitation, I wouldn't see why a guy would do that other than if he feels that he would be at some sort of disadvantage. It seems strange because there's nothing to lose or gain, they're just friends at best. Now that's not to say that Stormcloud may have some undisclosed ulterior motive he wanted to cover during the meeting.

 

[joekerr31]

Awhile back I pursued this chick and got nowhere with her. I basically cut off contact, but whenever she contacted me I was cool to her. She has for the past few months been trying to see me, but I've resisted it. Until the other day...

The bottom line is this, I care for her but not enough to venture beyond a casual relationship. I'd rather not repeat the ordeal I was put through, and if I have to walk away again, I will.... But I want to know what her intentions are with me. And why the inviting of the gf? I should add, I felt as though they in some way they were trying to manipulate me. Have any of you out there dealt with a two pronged attack from an ex and her gf?

the bottom line is that you are an AFC.

if some chic i pursued and got nowhere with called me up a few months later for dinnner, i'd damn well expect a ******* before the night was out at the very least.

everyone knows that if you blow someone off, and then later decide you want to get with them, that you have to go above and beyond to show them you mean it.

anyway, she brought her gf because she doesn't want to hook up with you, but she does want to know that she could still have you. in essence, for them, the dinner was like a trip to the zoo, where they got to watch the fascinating western human male AFC.

 

[iqqi]

You guys read into sh!t way too much.

Yeah, I guess if it was that serious, you got played.

But if it was that serious... you are far from a "dj".

 

[MacAvoy]

Have any of you out there dealt with a two pronged attack from an ex and her gf?

This is the most important line. During the first 85% of your original post, you make it totally seem like she's some innocent chick that you've hung around with in the past but never gotten anywhere. Whereas you reveal the truth in this line.

You obviously have a long drawn out history with this broad. The reason she likely brought the g/f with her is because she doesn't trust herself emotionally around you. She brought her friend to make sure she doesn't make a mistake and go out on the line again.

I would completely walk away from this broad.