Serious relationships

[Cougar10033]

I am 27 years old i had 3 serious relationships in my life. The first one was for 4 years. I dated this girl from the time i was 18-22. At about year number 2 -2.5 in the relationship i felt old, I was depressed, my goals were destroyed, i pretty much caused the relationship to self destruct. My next serious one was from when i was 22-24. This was always long distance, i loved it, I thought things were great. We saw each other about 2 times a month. She didnt think the long distance was fun, we split and shes now married lol. My last LTR started when i was 25 and is currently alittle over 2 years old. At the start it was great and fun, lots of sex, great times and we both enjoyed spending time together. Fast forward to 2 years later and im depressed, i feel old again, almost dejavu to my first ltr relationship. The sex doesnt exist, when i go to hang out with her all she does is sleep on the couch, complain and ***** and moan. She has her bright moments though and can sometimes be a great girl. I am looking for advice on what to do with this whole situation. Both our circle of friends consists of mutual friends now. Is there anyway to fix this or should i jump ship?

 

[jophil28]

One question - if you stayed with her for another year without making any changes would you still be depressed and unfulfilled and sexless ?
What do you think ?

 

[WaterTiger]

Go to the movies
Go rock climbing
Go hiking
Go birdwatching
Go bowling
Go shoot pool
Go out to dinner at a new restuarant
Go skydiving

The main theme here is GO! You two are doing the same old-same old and are board with the ruitine! SPICE IT UP!

Tell her she's boring you to death and you need to have some excitement. She can come with or be a lump on the sofa. If she refuses to go with you, then....

GO FIND ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND!

 

[Interceptor]

Co Dependancy is a b*tch.

This happens when you cannot establish your own personal identity inside the relationship, and cannot move outside it either. The feeling is so great , SO INTENSE in the BEGINNING, you don't want to let it go. So in fear of losing that feeling, and you are so in love with that drug like "high" you become shackled to each other. And then you wake up one day depressed, hopeless, and wonder what's wrong.

You need to learn how to be INDEPENDENT, and then INTERDEPENDENT within relationships.

If you've ever felt jealous when your partner goes and does something without you, you have a problem.
If you have to get permission to go do something without your partner, you have a problem.
If you feel guilty for doing something without your partner, you have a problem.


A person does not necessarily want a boring, lifeless CLONE of themselves to be in love with.

They fell in love with you you ARE, not how much you can be like them.

Everyone MUST learn how to live outside their relationship. That is the ONLY WAY you can actually maintain it. Because you then BRING IN NEW Energy, Ideas, Opinions, and adventures to your partner to share with.

 

[joekerr31]

you need to get excited about life, instead of letting life excite you.

you see, new chic comes along, BAM BOOM - EXCITEMENT!

time goes on, novelty wears off, routine sets in, FIZZ SIGH - BOREDOM!

you allowed life to control your excitment. you gotta flip the script, YOU must take responsibility for getting excited about life!

water and interceptor have given you all the advice you need to do that. so off you go young grasshopper.

 

[DavenJuan]

yeah everyone is pretty much telling you what the issue is.

i agree with joe, water, and interceptor. GO GO GO, find your own independency inside your relationship.

but i also want to add, WHAT if anything have you taken from these past gfs and LTRs?? you should be progressing from relationship to relationship and taking a learning experience away with each one.

this way you are not experiencing the same thinks over and over

 

[Luthor Rex]

If you've ever felt jealous when your partner goes and does something without you, you have a problem.

If you ALWAYS feel jealous when your partner goes and does something without you, you may have a problem. But if you NEVER feel jealous then you're probably emotionally bankrupt.

The idiocracy we live in tells us that if your feelings are hurt then something must be wrong with you -- which is the exact same tactic an abusive partner uses: "I'm fvcking your best friend and your feelings are hurt!? Something must be wrong with you!"

If you have to get permission to go do something without your partner, you have a problem.

Yeah that would be weird.

If you feel guilty for doing something without your partner, you have a problem.

Again it depends on the context. There's too much of this 'let's suppress our emotions' bullsh!t going around on this forum. First of all a human being cannot NOT feel, and secondly a program of emotional suppression just leaves you fvcked up in the head.

Someone who has these feelings isn't over-emotional, it's just that the normal people in American culture are emotionally bankrupt.

:flowers: