I'm annoyed, I'm letting self doubt, emotional paranoia and negative thinking screw up my chances with women and general peace of mind.. I'm starting to understand why I've been single for so long.
there's a long sitrrep here, but you don't really need to read it all to get my point it just reinforces it, just skip to the last paragraph, after the ------------------
so here is the situation currently causing me grief. Ages and ages ago, about 6 or 7 months at least, I met one of my flatmates friends (lizzy) briefly on an evening out drinking, didn't really talk to her, it was just the a group of us talking having a group discussion. Anyway, afterwards, my flatmate said to me, "lizzy really likes you, she thinks you're cute".. The next time I ran into this girl, another group evening night out I did my best to get close to her, but couldn't really get chatting to her, and she wasn't paying me any attention, she then left early so I dismissed her as a moody cow. then her and my flatmate fell out and I didn't see her again..
Skip forward to a couple of weeks ago, I was out with one of my friends who is still in contact with lizzy, she says to me, "guess who I saw at the weekend?" and goes on to tell me about how she'd seen lizzy and lizzy had started talking about me out of the blue saying I was cute and so on, and could my friend invite me to go with her to lizzys birthday, my friend started joking from then on about how she wouldn't need to bring a present cos she was taking me etc. etc.
So the birthday meal, I wasn't sure what to expect, I liked the look of lizzy but I didn't really know her, so I wasn't sure how it would go, anyway, it went well, we chatted quite a bit, and got on really well, the conversation kept going and stayed interesting, but, I didn't pick up on any signs from her at all that she was interested in more than friends, there was practically no flirting, and she wasn't taking open opportunities to get me on my own (I looked but there were no chances for me to isolate her), anyway, by the end of the night at about 5 in the morning a small group of us were in her flat, we all (apart from her) lived in another part of london, so we called a cab, and when it arrived filed out the front door, as I left she said to me, "we should hook up sometime soon", so I took her number, gave her a peck on the cheek and said we'd sort something out. downer was the guy who left before me who I didn't really know had also been chatting to her quite a bit, and she made extensive "we must meet sometime soon, because I'm working at so and so now, and blah blah blah blah", hopefully he's just an old friend who she's not shagging, because I was dissapointed to only get lets meet up at some unspecified time..
I was last to get in the cab, and my friend rod says to me, "what the hell are you doing here?.. why aren't you back there banging her?" a little later I said, "you really think I should be back there munching on lizzys ***** right now?", he says, "she wanted to **** you, you could see in her eyes", like I said, I never noticed it, and this other random guy was stealing her attention towards the end of the evening whether deliberately ****blocking or not I don't know. Of course my friends know I've not had much success with the ladies lately, so the sceptic in me thinks, they're just raising my hopes to make me feel better.
So I called her on the wednesday, (last week) and well, straight away when she answered I could just tell she didn't feel comfortable, maybe its talking on the phone, maybe she was flustered by other stuff going on (she did say she was still at work even though it was 9.40 but I think I actually believe her on that) but she just didn't feel comfortable, so straight away in the back of my head I'm thinking, "she's not interested, she didn't expect me to call to ask her out on a date etc." I get the feeling she's trying to wind up the conversation so I interrupt and ask if she wants to meet up next week, she says she's really busy with work next week, and so I'm pretty sure its game over, but then without prompting from me she says "i'm free the week after that though" so we leave it with me saying I'll call her next week, (i.e this week now) to sort something out.. again sceptic thinks I must have made an audible sigh or something so she's trying not to hurt my feelings..
The other snag is, I'm 24, it was lizzys 34th birthday (although she could easily pass for 26 she's f*ckin hot) so again I'm thinking, why would she like me when there's loads of older more experienced guys she could get, even if she does like me, its a 10 year age gap, could it work? etc. screwing with my head a bit, although I'll be happy with f*ck buddy status (I'm sure she can teach me more than a thing or two), or will I? I dunno arrgggh..
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but none of that is the point, I'm going to call her this weekend to try and sort something out, but just look at what I've just written, see how much self doubt and negativity there is, for almost all the good signs, I can find something bad to counter it.. I can't honestly believe anything will happen between us, part of me says "why bother calling her again, nothing will happen, and you'll get even more fed up about not being able to find someone who likes you, just forget her, then she'll be one that got away rather than another one who knocked you back, she's not right for you anyway, find someone else". I'm ignoring it as best I can, cos I'm still gonna call her, but as you can see its preying on my mind, and I know if things do start happening, it'll only start telling me that "she doesn't really like you, she's going to dump, you, dump her first!", and it affects my mood which affects my chances with women, the trouble is, if it's right (which it might well be in this situation) then it only reinforces my listening to it.. how do I ignore all this negative crap. Unless things really start going well I can't see it going away, but I can't see things going well untill I get rid of it..
there's a long sitrrep here, but you don't really need to read it all to get my point it just reinforces it, just skip to the last paragraph, after the ------------------
so here is the situation currently causing me grief. Ages and ages ago, about 6 or 7 months at least, I met one of my flatmates friends (lizzy) briefly on an evening out drinking, didn't really talk to her, it was just the a group of us talking having a group discussion. Anyway, afterwards, my flatmate said to me, "lizzy really likes you, she thinks you're cute".. The next time I ran into this girl, another group evening night out I did my best to get close to her, but couldn't really get chatting to her, and she wasn't paying me any attention, she then left early so I dismissed her as a moody cow. then her and my flatmate fell out and I didn't see her again..
Skip forward to a couple of weeks ago, I was out with one of my friends who is still in contact with lizzy, she says to me, "guess who I saw at the weekend?" and goes on to tell me about how she'd seen lizzy and lizzy had started talking about me out of the blue saying I was cute and so on, and could my friend invite me to go with her to lizzys birthday, my friend started joking from then on about how she wouldn't need to bring a present cos she was taking me etc. etc.
So the birthday meal, I wasn't sure what to expect, I liked the look of lizzy but I didn't really know her, so I wasn't sure how it would go, anyway, it went well, we chatted quite a bit, and got on really well, the conversation kept going and stayed interesting, but, I didn't pick up on any signs from her at all that she was interested in more than friends, there was practically no flirting, and she wasn't taking open opportunities to get me on my own (I looked but there were no chances for me to isolate her), anyway, by the end of the night at about 5 in the morning a small group of us were in her flat, we all (apart from her) lived in another part of london, so we called a cab, and when it arrived filed out the front door, as I left she said to me, "we should hook up sometime soon", so I took her number, gave her a peck on the cheek and said we'd sort something out. downer was the guy who left before me who I didn't really know had also been chatting to her quite a bit, and she made extensive "we must meet sometime soon, because I'm working at so and so now, and blah blah blah blah", hopefully he's just an old friend who she's not shagging, because I was dissapointed to only get lets meet up at some unspecified time..
I was last to get in the cab, and my friend rod says to me, "what the hell are you doing here?.. why aren't you back there banging her?" a little later I said, "you really think I should be back there munching on lizzys ***** right now?", he says, "she wanted to **** you, you could see in her eyes", like I said, I never noticed it, and this other random guy was stealing her attention towards the end of the evening whether deliberately ****blocking or not I don't know. Of course my friends know I've not had much success with the ladies lately, so the sceptic in me thinks, they're just raising my hopes to make me feel better.
So I called her on the wednesday, (last week) and well, straight away when she answered I could just tell she didn't feel comfortable, maybe its talking on the phone, maybe she was flustered by other stuff going on (she did say she was still at work even though it was 9.40 but I think I actually believe her on that) but she just didn't feel comfortable, so straight away in the back of my head I'm thinking, "she's not interested, she didn't expect me to call to ask her out on a date etc." I get the feeling she's trying to wind up the conversation so I interrupt and ask if she wants to meet up next week, she says she's really busy with work next week, and so I'm pretty sure its game over, but then without prompting from me she says "i'm free the week after that though" so we leave it with me saying I'll call her next week, (i.e this week now) to sort something out.. again sceptic thinks I must have made an audible sigh or something so she's trying not to hurt my feelings..
The other snag is, I'm 24, it was lizzys 34th birthday (although she could easily pass for 26 she's f*ckin hot) so again I'm thinking, why would she like me when there's loads of older more experienced guys she could get, even if she does like me, its a 10 year age gap, could it work? etc. screwing with my head a bit, although I'll be happy with f*ck buddy status (I'm sure she can teach me more than a thing or two), or will I? I dunno arrgggh..
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but none of that is the point, I'm going to call her this weekend to try and sort something out, but just look at what I've just written, see how much self doubt and negativity there is, for almost all the good signs, I can find something bad to counter it.. I can't honestly believe anything will happen between us, part of me says "why bother calling her again, nothing will happen, and you'll get even more fed up about not being able to find someone who likes you, just forget her, then she'll be one that got away rather than another one who knocked you back, she's not right for you anyway, find someone else". I'm ignoring it as best I can, cos I'm still gonna call her, but as you can see its preying on my mind, and I know if things do start happening, it'll only start telling me that "she doesn't really like you, she's going to dump, you, dump her first!", and it affects my mood which affects my chances with women, the trouble is, if it's right (which it might well be in this situation) then it only reinforces my listening to it.. how do I ignore all this negative crap. Unless things really start going well I can't see it going away, but I can't see things going well untill I get rid of it..
