Self Deprication

[AtomicDog]

Okay, just to confuse things more, I want to talk about self-deprication.

You can see people using this to their advantage every day -- ever noticed whenever someone gets a complement they usually downplay it?

Here's my idea. Assuming you're not the hottest looking guy on the planet. Don't try to "act" like you are (praising yourself, putting people down, being a jerk). Instead take the opposite route and downplay your good points.

Go to extremes. Tell the girl you're a loser, you have no chance with her, or with girls in general. Don't do it in a "cry-baby" fashion -- instead, be serious about it, even smile while you're doing it, or make fun of yourself.

This is actually a kind of self-promotion. It's sending many messages:

• You have no ego issues
• You don't care what people think
• You have the guts to just admit the "truth" (it may not actually be the truth) about yourself and put up with the humiliation

I don't know why or how, but this seems to work wonders for me. I get emails, numbers, dates, offers of sex (but unfortunately none of the prospects are in Sydney grrrrrrrrrr!!!).

I basically just go into a spiel about how guys like me just aren't meant to have girlfriends or love in their life. How I'm a perpetual virgin. How I've never had a kiss or a date.

It's kind of a twist on the old "sensitive virgin" trick -- the twist being that by exaggerating bad points, it actually makes you look good. For example, calling yourself "ugly" when you're really just "average" makes you look hotter than you really are.

One thing to avoid is actually bringing this up yourself. You should craftily lead chicks to ask you about your love-life by first asking them about theirs in detail.

When they talk about their boyfriend, rave on about how lucky he is, and how happy they are, and how nice it must be to be loved. Make it look like you don't realise how attractive you are, and how capable you are of getting a girlfriend.

In my experience, there are definately girls out there who will pick up on this type of behavior and be attracted to you because of it. You might be surprised by the results -- I was!


-- edit --

Try mixing this with sexual agression.

What I mean is, by all means put yourself down. But also show signs of sexual confidence, like having nice body language, making sexy comments, bedroom eyes, ... you know the deal. This will add to the whole concept in her mind, of you "deserving" her. If that makes any sense. Lol

 

[KontrollerX]

There was a post about this not too long ago saying its a bad thing to do as it plants a negative subconscious message about you in a girl's mind.

I myself think it can be ok in low doses and if you don't self depricate yourself too harshly.

For instance I wouldn't say to someone in a self depricating manner that I am a loser but something more mild like I am bad at cross word puzzles or just something light like that for example.

Being seen as too perfect can be a turn off and can be boring for chicks or anyone so I think mild doses of self deprication thrown in every now and again keep a decent balance in one's life.

Its not absolutely necessary of course but everyone has to do what works for them.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Here's the deal.

This logic is flawed on sooooo many levels.

If you are a man of high value/status/alpha....whatever(insert cliched description here) then using humilty (read: not self deprication!!!) can work really well, as it catches people off guard. Everyone expects you to be all powerful, mighty and arrogant, but once they realize you're just a down to earth guy then you raise your value even higher. This is potent stuff.

now, if you're just a low level everyday dude, then using any sort of self deprication is just confirming people's perceptions of you.

Everything is about perception... it's never about who you are; It's always about who people think you are. Their perceptions are their realities.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you are a man of high value/status/alpha....whatever(insert cliched description here) then using humilty (read: not self deprication!!!) can work really well, as it catches people off guard. Everyone expects you to be all powerful, mighty and arrogant, but once they realize you're just a down to earth guy then you raise your value even higher. This is potent stuff.

I agree.

 

[SharinganUser]

I have been reading some passages from the hakagure (a samurai book) and one of the things it says is that weakness should never pass from your lips in seriousness or even in jest.

You have to believe that you are the greatest prize she will ever get, and you have to believe that with a level head and a calm attitude.

 

[Nighthawk]

Wow and this approach gets you emails and numbers but no sex, huh?

 

[ready123]

being aware of your faults is good. being able to share your faults to develop comfort and come across more human is also good

but going to extremes to self-deprecate is dumb. all it does is tells the girl you have no sense of reality because you think your faults are so damn cool

if you're getting results, it's not the self-deprecation that's doing it. it's the fact you're not subcommunicating neediness. the girls don't believe you're a loser, they think you're just toying with them and are intrigued by it

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #9

NEVER SELF-DEPRECIATE under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the PRIZE mentality. Once you've accepted yourself as a "complete douche" there's no going back to confidence with a woman. Never appeal to a woman's sympathies, her sympathies are given by her own volition, NEVER when they are begged for. Even if you don't seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic. Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something a true DJ will ever consider.

That said self-depreciation is pervasive and something that I myself have been guilty of in the past. You have to be hyper-aware of it and unlearn it. You have to catch yourself in mid-sentence so to speak. Women operate in the sub-communications and when you OVERTLY admit to a lack of confidence you may as well just LJBF yourself. That's a strong impression you wont recover from. Women want a compitent, confident, decisive Man not one who's self-image is that of a "complete douche" or even a partial douche. I should add that when you become hyper-aware of this you can also turn it to your own advantage when AMOGing or you're working a girl with a self-depreciative BF or other suitor. It's all too easy to reinforce her estimation of a guy like this by covertly confirming it for her, while at the same time playing up your own confidence and value.

All of this is not to say that it's wrong to recognize your own weaknesses and understanding when you're in the wrong. It's simply how you go about addressing them that's the point. We had a thread here not too long ago about admitting when both of you are wrong and this got me to thinking about healthy ways of communicating this. There are plenty of way to assume the responsibilties of fault that aren't self-depreciating. The easiest way is to always adopt the attitude that you're 'getting better all the time'. This mentality fosters confidence and projects ambition, whereas self-depreciation shoves your nose in the dog sh!t and says "please love me anyway?"

 

[DoubleBarrel]

AtomicDog,

I agree with you, in part. Self depricating humor can be extremely powerful, assuming a person understands the context and realizes the reason for using it.

Perhaps you're using it purposely without even realizing it, as your post seemed to suggest.

For Creating Attraction

Isn't the real reason it's having the attractive affect on women because of what you're really communicating?

For what are you really doing? You're sarcastically playing the role of a victim and you're communicating that you're just pretending.

Though I personally don't do this much anymore, here's why I think it has the profound affect you seem to be experiencing...

First, by role-playing a victim, you're letting women know that you understand their reality. Indirectly, you're saying, "I know most guys treat you like you're better than them and then they make excuses, hoping that you'll excuse their faults and still go out with them."

Second, it communicates that you're sexually aware. And by that I mean, you understand attraction. You're letting women know that you understand what they DON'T find attractive. And so, you must also know what they DO find attractive, right?

Third, by going over the top and actually making fun of guys who women despise by pretending to act like them, it communicates the exact opposite of what they do when they're serious. In fact, to the degree that honest self-deprication is repulsive, you become attractive to the same extreme by mimmicking guys who take their victim mentalities to women.

Think of what it would be like for a comedian to portray the foolishness of a Nice Guy. That's it!

And since the Nice Guy attitude is about as repulsive as it gets, I'm willing to bet you know what you communicate when you sarcastically role-play it.

For Preserving Self-Fortitude

All that said, there is another reason for being 'self-depricating', which I use when the situation calls for it...

Referring to what the Bad Ass Canadian said about being alpha. In most cases, everyone on this board isn't yet 'alpha'. After all, if we were, why would we continue to come back?

Considering that, in life, we'll come across people who don't think we're 'alpha' (though, WORTHY, I think, is a better term for it). And guess what? They'll even let us know by they way they treat us. And by letting them treat us as unworthy, we'll actually prevent ourselves from attaining that higher value.

Thus, using self-deprication can be used as a 'defense' or to 'call their bluff'.

So it's not really about you. It's about them.

The reason for this self-deprication is not to belittle yourself, it's to cue the that person in on and make them aware of what they're REALLY saying or implying about you.

Sometimes, it's only then they realize what their true intention was. You'll notice they become a little embarrassed. After all, most people aren't always aware of their true, unconscious intentions.

Other times, people will think you're being serious and they'll be so naive as to actually try to console you or build up your self-esteem! :crazy: These, of course, will be the clueless guys who live in a victim mentality.

The best response, naturally, is to laugh at them for NOT getting it.

 

[reset]

There's a distinction here I hope between genuine "hey, I suck" self-deprecation and not taking yourself too seriously. For instance there was a chick really good at math I was talking to and I was saying I was impressed by how she could add all those numbers up in her head, that I use my hands, and I started counting my fingers but lost count and had to start over. "one, two, three, four.... (slight hesistation) one, two three four"

I was kidding around and flirting.

For instance I wouldn't say to someone in a self depricating manner that I am a loser but something more mild like I am bad at cross word puzzles or just something light like that for example.

This is what I'm getting at. I think women are attracted to a guy who is a real person, and a real person is not perfect.