Seeking Perspective

[mooch592]

Hey guys, new to the forums. Became game aware about 2 years ago. I turned 31 this year. Had a severe oneitis with a girl I hadn’t even slept with...sex has never been a huge priority for me in the past, although now I understand how important it is in order to get a girl to love you and become attached to you. Should’ve been obvious, but I was very naive before I became more game aware.

Anyway, it was 2 years ago I started working at this gym in NYC. Lots of attractive women that were members and co workers. I ended up having a oneitis with a girl that was definitely pretty manipulative, not horribly, and she didn’t do anything that could be considered malevolent, but just could tell I was a really caring and generous naive person and she was good at tapping into that instinct on my end. Anyway...there were two other beautiful young women that already had crushes on me, and I put all my attention into this other girl, and lost both of them. I thought if I could sleep with this girl then I would be happy. Obviously I wasn’t THAT game aware. Especially since the girl I had a oneitis with would get jealous super easy, so sleeping or being seen with these other women would’ve been the way to go. Honestly...it all could’ve been so easy.

So after losing these other two women, I made a couple bad moves and spun out with my oneitis and lost her. She’s come back in and out of my life a bit, but I’ve never been able to rope her in. Then I found out that she’s already slept with one, and possibly two of my co workers.

This hurt. It really hurt. I know men that have been through much worse. But I felt so incredibly stupid. I feel like it would make sense for maybe a 24 or 25 year old to make this mistake, but for me to make it at 29-30 just makes me feel like a big *****. It makes me feel ashamed and makes me hate myself. I’ve been back in the game since, slept with a few women, but nothing that felt like it knocked my socks off.

I just feel old and dumb and naive and bitter about it. It wasn’t until after that experience that I read the rational male and then of course after knowing all of that my bitterness worsened once I had finally completely swallowed the red pill. Can I rebuild? Is there enough time to experience abundance and then choose the girl I want to marry and maybe start a family with? I feel like I wasted so much time. I know I sound like a little *****, I just can’t believe how much I did for this chick. I feel like a huge ****ing loser, she got to get all of that from me and then **** her alpha boys whoever that may be. How does one’s psyche ever recover from this?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys, new to the forums. Became game aware about 2 years ago. I turned 31 this year. Had a severe oneitis with a girl I hadn’t even slept with...sex has never been a huge priority for me in the past, although now I understand how important it is in order to get a girl to love you and become attached to you. Should’ve been obvious, but I was very naive before I became more game aware.

Anyway, it was 2 years ago I started working at this gym in NYC. Lots of attractive women that were members and co workers. I ended up having a oneitis with a girl that was definitely pretty manipulative, not horribly, and she didn’t do anything that could be considered malevolent, but just could tell I was a really caring and generous naive person and she was good at tapping into that instinct on my end. Anyway...there were two other beautiful young women that already had crushes on me, and I put all my attention into this other girl, and lost both of them. I thought if I could sleep with this girl then I would be happy. Obviously I wasn’t THAT game aware. Especially since the girl I had a oneitis with would get jealous super easy, so sleeping or being seen with these other women would’ve been the way to go. Honestly...it all could’ve been so easy.

So after losing these other two women, I made a couple bad moves and spun out with my oneitis and lost her. She’s come back in and out of my life a bit, but I’ve never been able to rope her in. Then I found out that she’s already slept with one, and possibly two of my co workers.

This hurt. It really hurt. I know men that have been through much worse. But I felt so incredibly stupid. I feel like it would make sense for maybe a 24 or 25 year old to make this mistake, but for me to make it at 29-30 just makes me feel like a big *****. It makes me feel ashamed and makes me hate myself. I’ve been back in the game since, slept with a few women, but nothing that felt like it knocked my socks off.

I just feel old and dumb and naive and bitter about it. It wasn’t until after that experience that I read the rational male and then of course after knowing all of that my bitterness worsened once I had finally completely swallowed the red pill. Can I rebuild? Is there enough time to experience abundance and then choose the girl I want to marry and maybe start a family with? I feel like I wasted so much time. I know I sound like a little *****, I just can’t believe how much I did for this chick. I feel like a huge ****ing loser, she got to get all of that from me and then **** her alpha boys whoever that may be. How does one’s psyche ever recover from this?

You didnt do NOTHING with this female?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

People much older than you are learning game.

First step is to stop being so hard on yourself. We all have to learn. There is literally zero constructive reason to beat yourself up over mistakes. Just learn from them and don't repeat them.

There is still decades of time to date and enjoy life, but I would suggest ditching the narrative of marriage and kids as an end goal, and focus instead on being happy and living in the moment. If marriage and kids becomes something that happens, great, if you are sure that's what you want and have really spent a lot of time thinking about what it will bring you. But you can't make it a target.

 

[Robert28]

One thing you didn’t mention is how did she come back in and out of your life? Did she ghost you after you did things for her hoping to get in her drawers, then months later send you a random text making you think you had a shot and you did stuff for her all over again for her to just ghost again?

 

[Serenity]

Can I rebuild? Is there enough time to experience abundance and then choose the girl I want to marry and maybe start a family with? I feel like I wasted so much time. I know I sound like a little *****, I just can’t believe how much I did for this chick. I feel like a huge ****ing loser, she got to get all of that from me and then **** her alpha boys whoever that may be. How does one’s psyche ever recover from this?

Yes you can rebuild, the only one stopping you would be yourself. There's time. You did waste some, but you didn't know better then, forgive yourself. You recover by moving on, taking with you the lessons you've learned. You won't let this happen again, you have the power to stop yourself much earlier now and move on.

For every moment you keep being bitter about her you're just wasting even more time, but for that you can't blame her, only yourself. You have a choice in this exact moment, I bet you don't want to choose to continue like this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes you can rebuild, the only one stopping you would be yourself. There's time. You did waste some, but you didn't know better then, forgive yourself. You recover by moving on, taking with you the lessons you've learned. You won't let this happen again, you have the power to stop yourself much earlier now and move on.

For every moment you keep being bitter about her you're just wasting even more time, but for that you can't blame her, only yourself. You have a choice in this exact moment, I bet you don't want to choose to continue like this.

This situation was just his choice in women. A female should always desire us MORE. It doesnt work any other way.

 

[SoSuave666]

31 is nothing. You are hitting your prime...plenty of time to recover and game hot new women. Stick around, this forum will help you.

 

[Serenity]

This situation was just his choice in women.

It's a bit more than that.

A female should always desire us MORE. It doesnt work any other way.

I disagree to this and the opposite of this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's a bit more than that.

I disagree to this and the opposite of this.

Thats how its worked for me. Chasing women has been a failure. Whats been successful is women who liked veing near me and made things easier.

Women that respect you and your leadership dont spend alot of time shyt testing.

 

[mooch592]

Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for not posting the typical “stop being a little ***** and move on.” I have a tough time forgiving myself, and I hate the person that allowed himself to be disrespected the way that I let this girl disrespect me.

All of that advice was great, and really I just needed some support.

The other aspect of this is this girl still is a member at the gym I work at. Also...since I learned to not chase, as I’ve beeb ignoring her she seems to go out of her way to talk to me more. I know the guy who she’s already slept with, I guess things didn’t work out with him. She’s in her mid 20’s and he’s in his 40’s, not sure why things didn’t work out between them, obviously it’s none of my business and I don’t particularly care. But for whatever reason sometimes I sense she might be trying to talk to me to make him jealous. But other times she’ll talk to me and seem very flirtatious and he’s not around at all...not sure. Would love to revenge **** this *****, not really sure what her incentive is for talking to me if she’s not attracted to me at all. What do you guys think? Obviously I’m not going to fall into the trap of giving her too much attention, I keep all of my interactions with her very short and my emotional investment minimal. Any opinions?

 

[mooch592]

Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for not posting the typical “stop being a little ***** and move on.” I have a tough time forgiving myself, and I hate the person that allowed himself to be disrespected the way that I let this girl disrespect me.

The other aspect of this is this girl still is a member at the gym I work at. Also...since I learned to not chase, as I’ve beeb ignoring her she seems to go out of her way to talk to me more. I know the guy who she’s already slept with, I guess things didn’t work out with him. She’s in her mid 20’s and he’s in his 40’s, not sure why things didn’t work out between them, obviously it’s none of my business and I don’t particularly care. But for whatever reason sometimes I sense she might be trying to talk to me to make him jealous. But other times she’ll talk to me and seem very flirtatious and he’s not around at all...not sure. Would love to revenge **** this *****, not really sure what her incentive is for talking to me if she’s not attracted to me at all. What do you guys think? Obviously I’m not going to fall into the trap of giving her too much attention, I keep all of my interactions with her very short and my emotional investment minimal. Any opinions?

Also all of your advice was great and I needed to hear it.

One thing you didn’t mention is how did she come back in and out of your life? Did she ghost you after you did things for her hoping to get in her drawers, then months later send you a random text making you think you had a shot and you did stuff for her all over again for her to just ghost again?

She’s a member at the gym I work at. So I would end up seeing her all the time. I can’t even begin to tell you exactly HOW naive I was. The thing is, I would NEVER ask this girl out. I wasn’t even really chasing her. She would ask me out on the weekends to hang out. I guess now what it is is that I was her #1 beta for a while. And honestly I didn’t do THAT much for her per se except give her a LOT of attention, which she continually demanded. This was over the course of a few months. Thanks for the reply sir.

 

[mooch592]

You didnt do NOTHING with this female?

No

 

[mooch592]

People much older than you are learning game.

First step is to stop being so hard on yourself. We all have to learn. There is literally zero constructive reason to beat yourself up over mistakes. Just learn from them and don't repeat them.

There is still decades of time to date and enjoy life, but I would suggest ditching the narrative of marriage and kids as an end goal, and focus instead on being happy and living in the moment. If marriage and kids becomes something that happens, great, if you are sure that's what you want and have really spent a lot of time thinking about what it will bring you. But you can't make it a target.

Thanks man, really appreciate it. Really need to hear this stuff it helps a lot.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No

Not even a handjob or bj? What a simp. 2019 women dont cook dont help dont do nothing. If you cant secure the sex you are just a chump to her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks for not posting the typical “stop being a little ***** and move on.” I have a tough time forgiving myself, and I hate the person that allowed himself to be disrespected the way that I let this girl disrespect me.

All of that advice was great, and really I just needed some support.

The other aspect of this is this girl still is a member at the gym I work at. Also...since I learned to not chase, as I’ve beeb ignoring her she seems to go out of her way to talk to me more. I know the guy who she’s already slept with, I guess things didn’t work out with him. She’s in her mid 20’s and he’s in his 40’s, not sure why things didn’t work out between them, obviously it’s none of my business and I don’t particularly care. But for whatever reason sometimes I sense she might be trying to talk to me to make him jealous. But other times she’ll talk to me and seem very flirtatious and he’s not around at all...not sure. Would love to revenge **** this *****, not really sure what her incentive is for talking to me if she’s not attracted to me at all. What do you guys think? Obviously I’m not going to fall into the trap of giving her too much attention, I keep all of my interactions with her very short and my emotional investment minimal. Any opinions?

It doesnt take too many compliance or disrespects of yourself to be toast. Dont be so hard on yourself.

 

[Robert28]

Not even a handjob or bj? What a simp. 2019 women dont cook dont help dont do nothing. If you cant secure the sex you are just a chump to her.

Hell I’ve got many girls I regret not sleeping with. Some I got second chances later down the road and made good on it, others I never got a second chance.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hell I’ve got many girls I regret not sleeping with. Some I got second chances later down the road and made good on it, others I never got a second chance.

Fvck them first. Figure out the details later.

 

[GrowingPains]

Question:

What do you guys think? Obviously I’m not going to fall into the trap of giving her too much attention, I keep all of my interactions with her very short and my emotional investment minimal. Any opinions?

Answer:

The thing is, I would NEVER ask this girl out. I wasn’t even really chasing her. She would ask me out on the weekends to hang out. I guess now what it is is that I was her #1 beta for a while. And honestly I didn’t do THAT much for her per se except give her a LOT of attention

Do the opposite of quote 2 and you'll have your answer. Sounds like you've painted yourself into the orbiter corner. There's no point in trying some elaborate maneuver to charm and win her at this point, you'll be another failed nice guy. When she's being flirty, ask her out. Keep everything else minimal until and after you do this. I would reciprocate the flirting and see how she responded. If it is positive then I'm asking her out. If it's not positive, then I'm asking her out. If you don't want to be just her friend then stop acting like her friend. "For a friend you will be a friend she will see". Damn I can't remember where I read that... I think it's Rollo.

If she accepts, then on this date you're kino'ing it up. If she declines, never enter her orbit again. She can come to you - she knows how to find you. But her loss because by this time you're working on losing your interest in her because she's a waste of your time and attention.