Ruining life with parenting?

[AttackFormation]

I read what some women were complaining about being a mother on Quora the other day.

Sum of what they said:
- Regret over losing former body and/or life
- Exhaustion
- Loneliness
- Boredom
- Postpartum depression
- Culminating in irritability and resentment of the father
- They didn't say it outright, but my guess is they also stopped wanting to have sex at some point

It seemed to me that forming a family is a way to ruin your life as a man, not because of the kids in themselves, but because of how your woman's feelings change. Your woman will be chronically unhappy, she'll probably stop wanting to have sex, and she'll be irritable and resentful of you for her own unhappiness. Why would I ever choose to create that kind of selfdestructive relationship for my life instead of just avoiding it?

What do you guys think?

 

[RickTheToad]

I read what some women were complaining about being a mother on Quora the other day.

I will sum up what they said:

Prebirth
- Pregnancy syndromes
- Regretful of losing her former life and over her potential or actual bodily changes

Postbirth
- Exhaustion
- Loneliness
- Boredom
- Postpartum depression
- Resentment of the father

My own extrapolations from what they wrote
- Probably won't want to have sex anymore at some point
- Will probably become much more irritable, tied to the resentment

It seemed to me that forming a family is a way to ruin your life as a man. Your woman will be chronically unhappy, she'll probably stop wanting to have sex, and she'll be irritable and resentful of you for her own unhappiness. Why would I ever choose to create that kind of selfdestructive relationship in my life instead of just avoiding it?

What are your experiences who have actually had kids or watched couples go through having kids?

For most of the time when humans evolved on this Earth, females took care of family and raised them. They had to worry about hunger, shelter, disease, etc. The male helped with this by, in theory, removing these concerns and taking on these stresses. In modern times, females have fought for more independence and self-reliance; which is fine. However, there is added stress to this now. Modern ladies now have to contend with financial stress, relationship stress, family stress, and child rearing stress. The switch in gender roles and responsibilities are what's causing all of the PTSD and other BS after pregnancy. For thousands of years, ladies were getting pregnant in their teens through 20's. Now, they are getting pregnant in their late 20's into early 40's. If the soy boys had their way, they'd offer to get pregnant for the ladies. The whole human race is upside down.

 

[Kotaix]

Your outlook on life is of your own making. Yes your life will change permanently when you have a child, fvcking duh.

Most of my friends with kids are happy with them, even if they were an accident. Then again, most of my friends are well-adjusted individuals that came from solid traditional families.

Not having kids when you get into older age is going to make life a bit lonelier, that is the payoff of having them.

People don't talk about the good times, they only b!tch about the bad ones.

 

[Alvafe]

I read what some women were complaining about being a mother on Quora the other day.

Sum of what they said:
- Regret over losing former body and/or life
- Exhaustion
- Loneliness
- Boredom
- Postpartum depression
- Culminating in irritability and resentment of the father
- They didn't say it outright, but my guess is they also stopped wanting to have sex at some point

It seemed to me that forming a family is a way to ruin your life as a man, not because of the kids in themselves, but because of how your woman's feelings change. Your woman will be chronically unhappy, she'll probably stop wanting to have sex, and she'll be irritable and resentful of you for her own unhappiness. Why would I ever choose to create that kind of selfdestructive relationship for my life instead of just avoiding it?

What do you guys think?

exhaustion is something who happen to everyone with or without kids,

but since you do mention depression, that is what could give most problems who link all the others problems, plus lets get real here guys we know very well how kids give work, you still should remember how much work you give, so why anyone would belive having a kid would be easy? droping then is, that is why we have morons in the world, if sex was hard or not pleasurable you can bet there wouldn't be any kid around.

also one little thing to note, a lot of people when are feeling bad then to upscale they troubles so to garner pity, most people on internet love to get atencion be it by selling the image of a perfect life, or being a sad life to get pity, in the end they still get atencion

 

[lamath]

Sum of what they said:
- Regret over losing former body and/or life
- Exhaustion
- Loneliness
- Boredom
- Postpartum depression
- Culminating in irritability and resentment of the father
- They didn't say it outright, but my guess is they also stopped wanting to have sex at some point

True observed it and it was my experience with ex and on top of that she used to kid to try and make me do thing she wanted framing it like it was for the whole family.
Kids changed the power balance and i was too inexperience to realise it.

Deep down i dont think healthy women or men regrets having kids, but i think it make relationship harder.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Having a kid will only magnify any issues between two people. It won’t solve them. But if you have a healthy relationship, and things are working well, it can be a very positive thing though never an easy thing. It has to be something you really want. Most people with kids will tell you it’s a positive thing for them but you can’t listen to them - you must observe them. Listening to a parent tell you having a kid is great or that they are glad they had one is like listening to a girl tell you what she wants in an ideal man. Our brains are wired for survival and that means trying to make the best out of any situation, kids included. Entire studies have been done on this.... the satisfaction, real or imaginary, with having kids.

Bottom line: I would not look at having kids as something that is negative or certain to doom you or make you unhappy. I would only look at having kids if there is something inside you that really wants it, and you are certain that want is truly genuine and not some sort of dysfunctional neediness or misaligned expectation, and you have an awesome relationship with your partner.