Responding to FB Message

[ENIGMA16]

So I've had this girl as a friend for as long as I can remember and didn't really know why. I ended up liking one of her status updates and she sent me the following message. I looked at her FB to see where I know her from and it turns out she graduated from the same HS a year before me, so I'm guessing I added her a long time ago because mutual friends or something.

This girl's pretty cute and I want to get her number and take it from there. I'm interested in seeing how you guys would respond to this (mostly because I haven't really thought about it yet and also because these kinds of threads amuse the hell out of me ).

Hey JLay87,

Dude, I hope I'm not being totally blindside but pretty sure I can't remember exactly where I know you from. Apparently tho you like my status haha

EDIT: Wow I just realized I've been making a lot of Facebook threads. I'm not on Facebook that much, I swear

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

This girl's pretty cute and I want to get her number and take it from there. I'm interested in seeing how you guys would respond to this (mostly because I haven't really thought about it yet and also because these kinds of threads amuse the hell out of me ).

#1 Message: "What's your number?"
#2 A few days later call and say (no voice mail) "Let's go out on SOMEDAY at SOMETIME"

No more FB messaging.

 

[SharinganUser]

#1 Message: "What's your number?"
#2 A few days later call and say (no voice mail) "Let's go out on SOMEDAY at SOMETIME"

No more FB messaging.

Exactly, FB is not for meeting women, it's for remembering what you did the night before.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Yes sirs!

Next time I make a FB thread kill me.

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

So I've had this girl as a friend for as long as I can remember and didn't really know why. I ended up liking one of her status updates and she sent me the following message. I looked at her FB to see where I know her from and it turns out she graduated from the same HS a year before me, so I'm guessing I added her a long time ago because mutual friends or something.

This girl's pretty cute and I want to get her number and take it from there. I'm interested in seeing how you guys would respond to this (mostly because I haven't really thought about it yet and also because these kinds of threads amuse the hell out of me ).



EDIT: Wow I just realized I've been making a lot of Facebook threads. I'm not on Facebook that much, I swear

I've met plenty of women via Facebook and there's nothing wrong with it. And don't listen to guys who think its lame or can't be done. The truth is, you can meet girls ANYWHERE. MysteriousGuy is correct--All you need to do now is send her a message so you two can take it to the phone. The object is to take of OFF Facebook quickly. Say something like,

"Cool, let's exchange numbers...heres mine: 555-5555. Let's chat"

On the phone, spend no more than 5 minutes catching up. Be humorous but let her do most of the talking. Then near the end, say "Hey I've got to get going but we should hang out...let's do (activity) on (day) at (time)."

Also refer to my recent post, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169993 ...if she has a man or is not totally interested in a date, this will come in handy.

Good luck!

 

[ENIGMA16]

Well there isn't really any catching up to do because I've never met her before, even though we went to HS together. But I'll go for the number ASAP all the same. That's what I usually try to do; I just wasn't sure how to go from "Do I know you?" to "Here's my number".

haha btw why do you film all your vids while driving?

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

....haha btw why do you film all your vids while driving?

LOL! I get bored while driving and that's when I usually work up the inspiration!

 

[ENIGMA16]

I'm pretty sure I f*cking aced this one. Posting the chat below for critique because last time I got some really good constructive criticism that brought me back to reality.

Me: Hi!
Her: sup!
Me: so you really don't remember me?
seriously?!
Her: no... i'm sry!
Me: well that's good because I don't think I've ever met you before
Her: are u offended?
Me: and that'd probably be weird if you did
but yeah i'm pretty offended
Her: aaaaaaaaa
jerk
k
gonna say- if you didn't do any cool **** when i met you chances are i forgot who u are
so, who are you?
Me: so I had no idea who you were either
I didn't remember adding you or anything
but I saw that you went to [my highschool] and graduated a year above me
Her: same
yeah
um
Me: and that's probably how I ended up adding you somehow
Her: i know ppl u know
officially 44 pp i guess
but let's see
[this girl]?
Me: i doubt i've ever met you
Her: [this guy]
lol
Me: yeah but that doesn't mean anything
because she knows everyone
on earth
Her: i dunno?
Me: yeah I have no idea I think I just added a ton of people from [highschool] when I started my facebook 10 years ago and you looked familiar or something
Her: o thanks. im just in a pile of junk slash [highschool]
Me: well yeah I'm profoundly offended too so now we're even
Her: done deal!
no what
now
Me: I'm surprised I haven't run into you before if you know like [that girl] and [that guy]
Her: yeah, [that guy] and i used to go to shows together- like back in the day
Me: HAHAHA
awesome
Her: and i know [that girl] thru [some dude]
the [blah] crew, i guess
Me: that's cool
I gotta get going
You should give me your number
Her: for what?
Me: so I can call you?
Her: damnit- i was looking for an awkward response
Me: HAH
well I could be more awkward if you want
hang on
how about
Her: ohhhhh shiat
Me: umm, idk...
Her: urg, u failed. prob a good thing
anywho 867-5309
Me: definitely a good thing
what's your first name anyways?
Her: text me tho so i know who u r. pretty sure random #'s suck
[Jenny]
Me: thought so
Her: huh?
im tricky like that
Me: wasn't sure if that was just a nick name or something
yeah
well I pretty much am a random number
Her: ahuh
Me: and btw JLay87 is my real name
Her: o really?
Me: just in case you weren't sure
Her: damn, totally missed that
Me: yeah, the more you know!
sent
bye!
Her: bye
Me: It was nice kind of meeting you or something
Her:same to you, kinda

No that's not the number she gave me.

 

[Kailex]

Me: and btw JLay87 is my real name





Win.

 

[ENIGMA16]

So a few days after I got her number I texted her "What's your favorite pizza topping?" because I was making a pizza and gonna tease her about it. Haha but she responded then asked me "What's your favorite snack?" so we ended up going back and forth like that a few times with really random questions. Anyways I ended up asking her "What's your favorite thing to do Saturday night?" with the intention of being like "The correct answer was grab a bite to eat with me." But she said she was going fishing, which totally threw me off because it's winter here and so I got distracted.

Anyways, fast forward a few days. I'm at the bar with a few friends; there's almost nobody there due to it being a weeknight and a snow storm so it's super chill. I decide to call her to try to set something up (it wasn't that late at night). She answers and I ask her where in the city she lives and she asks me where I'm at. I tell her where I'm at and she's like "OMG that's like a block away from my house! I'm coming down to meet you!"

I meet her, give her a hug and introduce her to my friends, then we end up sitting down at a table by ourselves (because my friends are up at the bar deep in some random conversation). I was kind of buzzed, so I don't remember specifics, but we ended up talking a lot about school, her experiences living in Germany, what we want to do with our degrees, and stuff like that. Now I know that I probably should have gotten some more teasing and C+F in, but I have a tendency to get absorbed in such conversations because I love hearing about people's travels and their life plans and stuff like that. However, I did get some kino in when I started getting into the conversation more (touching her knee, hand).

We also end up talking about how we know each other and figure out that we lived pretty much less than a block away from each other our whole lives, which blows my mind yet again.

The whole time we're talking she seems to be pretty into it, smiling and going on. From what I remember she seemed to do most of the talking.

Anyways, then she says that she has to go because she has an exam in the morning. I'm like "Really? An exam in January? What's it for?" not because I thought she was lying or anything, but just because I was curious. She then started talking about how she likes running and she's going running in the morning and how she's a junky for it, which confuses me because I don't know why she started talking about that.

So I'm then like "Well if you're busy Saturday night then maybe we could do something next weekend." (my intent being to keep it open ended and to not seem too interested). She responds by saying "Yeah...yeah, I'd like that" and gives me this adorable smile that seems super sincere. I hug her and say bye and she leaves.

SO...

I know that I should have gotten more banter/kino in but I was simply too wrapped up in the conversation to even think about it, which obviously was a mistake.

I'm somewhat confused by what happened, though.

First, her being busy on Saturday night. I think that's understandable because she said that she was going fishing during the day and at night meeting up with some people from out of town, neither of which I would expect her to break at a moment's notice just to set something up with me. Am I right in this? I know I've heard the "she'll move heaven and earth to see you if she's interested" but I don't really know if I agree with that completely.

Second, the whole interaction when she left. The whole exam/jogging thing seemed like an excuse to leave, but I don't know if that's actually the case or if she really had to be up in the morning. I would have interpreted this as a clear lack of interest if she didn't give me that look and say that she was interested in planning something later on (which I could tell was definitely sincere). Also, she seemed really into the conversation that we had (although emphasis might have to be placed on "seemed" as I was pretty buzzed at the time).

So based on everything I think she's interested. I'm going to try to set something up regardless; me and a few friends might be going to a local brewery tour on Friday and I was thinking about inviting her to come along.

Would this be bad, as it's a social event (i.e. it will be with a bunch of my friends) and won't be just the two of us? I mean it's active and will make it seem like I have a life that I'm inviting her into (i.e. I'm a busy guy, but you can come along to my plans). I'm just not sure if it matters.

Also, we'd probably go out afterward, and I wasn't sure if it would be better to just invite her to the brewery tour or to have her come out with us as well.

Thoughts?

EDIT: Also, I haven't heard from or tried to contact her since (this meet up at the bar was I think 4 days ago). The only time she has initiated was the initial FB message asking where she knows me from and her coming down to meet me at the bar. However, whenever I contact her she's always really responsive and seems genuinely interested.

 

[tafakna]

It's as simple as: The more you cling, the more you put her in a corner, the more she will try to escape.

I keep saying this and it keeps falling on deaf ears; but men tend to fall a lot faster for women than the other way around. Men are more visual while women rely on a memory trail of her interactions with you to start to feel attached to you.

So the secret it's not trying to keep pushing for dates to happen but keep the interaction flowing until she feels she knows you better.

You try to push for a date on a specific day, she backs away. You mention doing something next weekend (something vague) and she shows genuine interest.

Keep the conversation flowing, avoid mistakes such as "an exam on january?" type of stuff.

You are sounding more like the used car salesman who's trying to get the customer to sign the contract, than the good salesman who tells everything about the product and let the customer think he chose to sign it.

 

[ENIGMA16]

It's as simple as: The more you cling, the more you put her in a corner, the more she will try to escape.

I keep saying this and it keeps falling on deaf ears; but men tend to fall a lot faster for women than the other way around. Men are more visual while women rely on a memory trail of her interactions with you to start to feel attached to you.

Yeah I totally understand this. This kind of desperation is the reason I got out of my last relationship (I realized the only reason I was with her was because of it) and what I'm currently attempting to overcome. I find that I "latch onto" girls really quickly (in my mind, not in how I treat them), regardless of how many I'm working on (usually only 2-3). I think it will just take some more time of doing this stuff before it gets through; I don't expect change overnight, but I'm much better than where I used to be.

Keep the conversation flowing, avoid mistakes such as "an exam on january?" type of stuff.

You are sounding more like the used car salesman who's trying to get the customer to sign the contract, than the good salesman who tells everything about the product and let the customer think he chose to sign it.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. The exam in January thing wasn't really me trying to call her on anything, it was just a buzzed f*ck up.

As for next weekend, I'm basically looking for advice on how to move this forward. The previous poster said I shouldn't bring her with but I'd like to hear your take on it.

 

[Dsnyder]

Thats the problem with facebook, you have all of these friends and you don't know who half of them are, odds are if you don't know them they don't know you. I just post stupid random comments to everyone all the time. This way if they don't know me they will delete me eventually.

 

[tafakna]

I find that I "latch onto" girls really quickly (in my mind, not in how I treat them), regardless of how many I'm working on

You're absolutely not the only one, it's widely known in psychology/neuroscience that men do tend to fall for girls faster than the other way around (even though it's a bit counterintuitive).

And it's all fine, as long as you don't show it (in a mind reading world, we would all be in serious trouble).

As for next weekend, I'm basically looking for advice on how to move this forward. The previous poster said I shouldn't bring her with but I'd like to hear your take on it.

One on one conversations are really what counts in bonding people (specially women that rely on what it's called an anchoring gaze).

But it's also a good idea of keeping the first date casual and non-threatening (which is why she went to the bar to meet you). So instead ask her out to grab a bite or something fairly trivial (girls like that because they know what to expect and how long it will last if they don't have a good time).

And it usually is a sound idea to avoid FRI/SAT so you don't look like having a open schedule. I like to go for SUN that are a slow day for almost everyone.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

I find that I "latch onto" girls really quickly (in my mind, not in how I treat them), regardless of how many I'm working on (usually only 2-3). I think it will just take some more time of doing this stuff before it gets through; I don't expect change overnight, but I'm much better than where I used to be.

If you spend your time evaluating women to see where they do and where they don't match up to your firm standards of what you expect/demand in a relationship, that will significantly help to stop that problem. Instead of wondering (just an example, not you) "i wonder if she's like this, i wonder if she's like that, she's being nice to me so she's a nice person, blah blah blah" you should be paying very close attention to her behavior in general and patterns will emerge about her.

You ARE the prize. You are a man who's working on his inner self every day and improving himself. That man deserves to have a woman who will appreciate and treat him with respect.

That doesn't mean to concentrate on negative aspects in a girl. Everyone, including me has non-helpful actions that need to be worked on. But, if in general a girl falls into the "people who treat me with respect get respected back" group, you've got a good possible. But, if she's the type who more or less uses people without giving back, or treats them by how she's feeling at the moment, she needs to be tossed back. That sort of thing is easy to miss if you're pondering all sorts of secondary stuff in her behavior. Actively probe around for information in a subtle way. It becomes second nature after a while.

I do this immediately when I approach a woman or notice her. I'm focused on her general demeanor and don't put a lot of faith in it being true. I'm looking for a more or less consistent pattern. This hijacks the "i'm falling for her" process and it won't happen anymore. YOU'RE seeing if she's good enough for you and how you are, not hoping you're good enough for her. I can't fall for a girl when I'm logically processing information instead of daydreaming and ignoring warning signs because of that daydreaming. I'm casually probing around to see if she's qualified to have a man who, unlike 99.9% of men out there, is improving himself and adding more depth as he gets older instead of stagnating.

These are powerful attitudes to have and will work if you're backing them up by actually moving towards those goals.

Again, this is in general and the examples weren't aimed at anyone in particular. They're just examples.

 

[ENIGMA16]

If you spend your time evaluating women to see where they do and where they don't match up to your firm standards of what you expect/demand in a relationship, that will significantly help to stop that problem. Instead of wondering (just an example, not you) "i wonder if she's like this, i wonder if she's like that, she's being nice to me so she's a nice person, blah blah blah" you should be paying very close attention to her behavior in general and patterns will emerge about her.

Yeah I know this is supposed to be my line of thinking but it's incredibly hard to change one's mindset, especially when one's mindset has always been of someone that people don't really take seriously. I'm going to counseling for it, because I've always had problems with perfectionism and with social situations in that sense. I mean, I'm a really social and outgoing guy but I've developed this mindset (probably since ages ago) where I assume that people that don't even know me don't like me or that people never really take me seriously in terms of developing meaningful relationships or even just ONS's/sexual encounters.

It's only recently that I've really pinned that down (like a week or two ago) and so I think I've come to realize that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I.e. Because I assume that people won't take me seriously I don't even try to act in such a way where people can take me seriously and so my presumption gets realized and perpetuated. Because of how recent it is I haven't really had time to work on it, but I have started, which basically has entailed going out and putting myself out there, playing crash and burn with friends, and meeting as many new people (both guys and girls) that I can, which not only expands my social circle but also allows me to realize that I'm overthinking way too much and that my presumptions are stupid.

Hell, today I was at the supermarket getting some groceries and I saw this absolutely gorgeous girl and I completely wrote off approaching because she probably would think I'm a creep and so I failed. When I got home while wallowing in my failure from that incident I realized that I did that and that I should have approached her immediately. From now on I'm planning on keeping my eyes open for that (I didn't even realize I did that until I got home!) and directly confronting it because that's completely unacceptable.

I'm casually probing around to see if she's qualified to have a man who, unlike 99.9% of men out there, is improving himself and adding more depth as he gets older instead of stagnating.

You know I totally have this mindset that I'm better than a lot of the guys out there because most of them are massive idiots that don't know ****, whereas I'm working out, have a second Bachelors' degree on the way and am planning to go to grad school for 3 more degrees and am attempting to learn 3 languages.

Yet I always end up lumping everyone in that category and not just guys. I guess I always feel like I'm on a different plane of existence than most people because of my intellect (not trying to blow smoke up my own ass, that's just how I subconsciously feel in my head).

So I'm really trying to get into that "I'm the prize" mindset, but in my interactions with women even if I say it I don't really mean it, and by mean it I mean deep down in my core.

One on one conversations are really what counts in bonding people (specially women that rely on what it's called an anchoring gaze).

But it's also a good idea of keeping the first date casual and non-threatening (which is why she went to the bar to meet you). So instead ask her out to grab a bite or something fairly trivial (girls like that because they know what to expect and how long it will last if they don't have a good time).

Yeah that's a good idea, but how are you supposed to initiate kino when you're sitting across the table from someone? That I never understood.

And it usually is a sound idea to avoid FRI/SAT so you don't look like having a open schedule. I like to go for SUN that are a slow day for almost everyone.

Yeah that's definitely a good idea. I'll probably do this, then, and send a random text or two in the mean time to maintain her interest and amuse myself.

 

[tafakna]

Yeah that's a good idea, but how are you supposed to initiate kino when you're sitting across the table from someone? That I never understood.

There's something called anchoring gaze (I mean scientifically, it's not a street slang). Women get intimacy by holding a constant gaze while speaking (men tend to sit at an angle, like sitting on the couch drinking beer and talking to a buddy).

It's a very common problem between couples. Men tend to think that sitting down watching TV together is intimacy, while women like dinners and looking into it's partners eyes.

I don't buy 90% of the kino crap I see on the net. I have had very good success by keeping a high energy conversation (in bar/restaurant settings), and getting physical going to the car or dropping a girl at her place.

Of course if we're talking about nailing a girl at a club, everything is very different. By somehow I don't think it's the case here...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

You ARE the prize= A man that deserves to have a woman who will appreciate and treat him with respect.

That doesn't mean to concentrate on negative aspects in a girl. Actively probe around for information in a subtle way. It becomes second nature after a while. I'm focused on her general demeanor and don't put a lot of faith in it being true. I'm looking for a more or less consistent pattern.This hijacks the "i'm falling for her" process and it won't happen anymore. I'm casually probing around to see if she's qualified to have a man who, unlike 99.9% of men out there, is improving himself and adding more depth as he gets older instead of stagnating.

Yeah, beautiful. Sometimes we´re fools because we think with the other head. The same way girls think with their emotions. Girls test us, so we must do it too in a way or another.

This post below complements it (from David X):_

We're finding out that being nice to certain people is dangerous. When you go out to meet women, you're on dangerous grounds. Who knows what these women are like. Some of them have AIDS, some of them are prostitutes, coke wh0res, manipulative ****s, thieves, murderers, liars, the list of f*cked up women goes on and on. I've had women rip me off while I was taking a piss. They went into my wallet and took my money. And they'll cheat on you given half the chance. Do you honestly believe that your girlfriend wouldn't f*ck George Clooney behind your back? What if Brad Pitt showed up in her life? Would she stick around for you? You've got to be nice to you first.

All those who fall in love easily are idiots, they think she´s the one. The one who will stab you, lol. Some peole give women too much credit just because they are good looking (halo effect).

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

Hey Jay,
Read your post and a lot of the responses. There are a lot of things wrong with what happened, Jay and they mostly come from the fact that you're putting all your eggs into one basket...this female.

Given the fact you know that you tend to latch onto one woman, it is in your best interest to get at more than one woman. It's typically a BAD idea to bring up another time to hang out, if she's already rejected the first time. It's especially bad if you do it too soon. Women LOVE mystery. They secretly love not knowing everything about you, or how you feel about her. It is exciting to them. Women want to know that you are not like all the other guys who beg her for sex and company. They want to know that you're the man that can and will handle her.

So when you brought up a date...then offered a future date, you were putting all your cards out on the table. The wit you showed in the chat went down the tubes. Now she's staring at her phone like, "I know he's going to beg me to go out with him."

My advice...leave her alone for now and approach and talk to other women. This will allow you to relax around women as you will acquire OPTIONS. Let this chick wonder why you didn't call. Since she's your FB friend, utilize my method of getting other females to leave you flirtatious wall comments. (I'm hoping you have my book in the signature) This does WONDERS.

If she calls, seem slightly aloof. A little busy. Keep things brief, stay cool and calm and propose a date at the right time. But not like you did before. Say something like, "Sorry to cut you short, but...I have to take care of something. I'm free for a few on Friday. Join me for some pool(or whatever). Does 7 work?" On the date, maintain your demeanor. Act unaffected. Don't try too hard. Make her work for you. You've got this.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Thanks for the tips, dude. I haven't contacted her at all since we met up at the bar and thought the "maybe next weekend sometime" was open enough that I didn't sound like I was invested in it. Anyways, based on the solid advice I've gotten here I'm planning on calling her up on Friday and doing a short lunch or something on Sunday.

I'll probably go out with friends Friday night and game at the bars after the tour so we'll see how it goes.