Relationship shifting

[TheException]

Hey guys,

Girl i have been seeing(and yes i have had sex with her on two occasions now) over the course of the last two months. Recently(this week) i feel a shift in the relationship, but i cant tell whether thats the reality or me just being paranoid.

For instance, shes young 20s and im always initiating the things we do. Shes moderately flaky(two occasions) and takes forever to respond to texts while shes at work. Now, the time to respond has gotten worse this week and it has made me more desperate and makes me constantly check my phone for her response...makes me cringe. I texted her to make plans this week and its agreed upon. However yesterday i texted to see if we could meet up for a quick dinner and mid conversation she "fell asleep" and texted me hours later. I did not respond.

My question...Do i play this as a soft next or just text her tomorrow and set the plans for tuesday that we talked about? Im stuck between thinking im becoming desperate because the sex is so good and shes the only plate im getting sex from...therefore im going to kill attraction if i keep blowing her up to hang out and between me overthinking everything and the relationship is going in a positive direction(just had sex last weekend) and i should just text her tomorrow to hang out.

Either way, i have work to do on myself in these next few days cause im feeling like ****/desperate for her and the worst part is im an unplugged male so i understand why. I just really like to have sex lol...but im not trying to dry up her attraction. Thoughts and tips?

 

[Mr Wright]

Shes taking a long time to respond because shes at work. She is at work, why are you overthinking this point? She may have fallen asleep, I have fallen asleep whilst texting, dont get too paraniod.

I think some of the guys on here get way to carried away with disrespect. If she doesnt text back once, you dont just "next" her. Text her again and see what happens.

 

[TheException]

You need to give more info about the girl, otherwise its not 100% clear.

Met at a bar 2 months ago, Kclose + # close

First date - awesome + makeout at end

F Close by date 4. We have had sex the last 3 times we have seen each other. We dont hang out that often id say once every 7-10 days. Sex is great.

Only real time we communicate through text is if i text her to make plans, or she sends a random text like "thank god its friday blah blah". Usually 2 days in between texts.

When we do hangout shes engaged and obviously attracted. Im beginning to think more and more im just being a ***** about this though lol. Like the only negative sign is lack of attention from her. Like usually girls will blow me up non stop after we begin having sex regularly, and im sort of in uncharted waters.

Maybe rapport is low because i really only text her to hang out? But our in person interactions are 100% positive. Like i just went to a hockey game with her last weekend, and she had to wake up extremely early the next day....but she parks car and comes inside to bang.

 

[plate's_empty]

This is the classic scenario. Guy meets girl they eventually have sex. Guy wants more sex, girl knows this, she may want more sex too but now you're coming off as a too desperate for it. She's starting to look elsewhere. She doesn't want to lose you quite yet but she knows she has you so there is no sense of urgency. She knows she can respond whenever she wants, she knows she can focus on work and not tend to your texts. She knows she can fall asleep in the middle of a text conversations and you'll still be there waiting for her reply.

As is the answer to almost everything. Spin plates. I'd say go NC for a few days, and if she starts texting you then cancel all plans with her. Use that time to go find another plate.

 

[VladPatton]

Ease up on the accelerator, man. Become aloof and let her try to figure what is going on. Stop the desperate attention giving, she can smell it. You need to break the communication pattern to get her hamster spinning. Stop texting and switch to calling/leaving messages. If she has a wake-up call and begins giving interest once again, it worked. If not, her interest is beyond saving.

 

[TheException]

No, I mean the GIRL. Is she a party girl or does she seem like a normal girl? How is her family life?

Not a party girl, like we think. She will go out for drinks on the weekend but she is more a good girl. Takes her work seriously, has hobbies shes passionate about. Pretty much your typical not popular/average girl in high school who bloomed into an HB7.5

I'd say go NC for a few days, and if she starts texting you then cancel all plans with her. Use that time to go find another plate.

So you would not text her tomorrow to solidify plans? I find NC tricky sometimes, because it works...no doubt about it, but sometimes i feel i miss opportunities. For instance perhaps i could contact her tomorrow about tuesday night and if she confirms, great. If not or tries to avoid hanging out then i could NC until she contacts me.

 

[plate's_empty]

So you would not text her tomorrow to solidify plans? I find NC tricky sometimes, because it works...no doubt about it, but sometimes i feel i miss opportunities. For instance perhaps i could contact her tomorrow about tuesday night and if she confirms, great. If not or tries to avoid hanging out then i could NC until she contacts me.

No I wouldn't. At this point what do plans mean? That there's a possibility you guys are going to meet, unless something better comes along for her. When you make plans with her they're pretty much set in stone. When she makes plans with you...it's an option.

She's flaked before, she'll do it again. Only way I would make plans with her is if you're keeping her as a plan B. I wouldn't schedule anything around her.

 

[TheException]

No I wouldn't. At this point what do plans mean? That there's a possibility you guys are going to meet, unless something better comes along for her. When you make plans with her they're pretty much set in stone. When she makes plans with you...it's an option.

She's flaked before, she'll do it again. Only way I would make plans with her is if you're keeping her as a plan B. I wouldn't schedule anything around her

Thats actually extremely well said. I guess its just my AFC wanting to get a sex or have the possibility of sex no matter what...which ironically has led me to this point in the relationship. Sex shouldnt even be my number one priority. My life goals should be...

There really seems to be two schools of thought for this scenario. One says you have to NC,and care less, be less available, etc and the other is more of a water off a ducks back. Like if she flakes just dont care and try again in a few days, etc. I see the pros to each, but i have to say im from the former school and should start acting like it.

 

[plate's_empty]

No I wouldn't. At this point what do plans mean? That there's a possibility you guys are going to meet, unless something better comes along for her. When you make plans with her they're pretty much set in stone. When she makes plans with you...it's an option.

She's flaked before, she'll do it again. Only way I would make plans with her is if you're keeping her as a plan B. I wouldn't schedule anything around her

Thats actually extremely well said. I guess its just my AFC wanting to get a sex or have the possibility of sex no matter what...which ironically has led me to this point in the relationship. Sex shouldnt even be my number one priority. My life goals should be...

There really seems to be two schools of thought for this scenario. One says you have to NC,and care less, be less available, etc and the other is more of a water off a ducks back. Like if she flakes just dont care and try again in a few days, etc. I see the pros to each, but i have to say im from the former school and should start acting like it.

Thank you. yes, it's very easy to get into the mode of "just keep trying, eventually she'll say yes and I'll be able to bang her again." unfortunately that will only work a small percentage of the time, but the other times you'll be left sitting at home with your d1ck in your hand.

You need to raise your value and be the one calling your shots. Easiest way to do that is to get a life... make plans ahead of time with other people, friends, other girls. Go out and strike out with other girls but get some numbers from others in the meantime. Be active, don't put her on a pedestal. Paradigm shift: you're better than her. Think it and you will be it.