Relationship game: withdrawing attention - acting like a moody b!tch?

[MOTU]

GF had surgery last week and I have been caring for her. First night out of the hospital, I set my alarm on my phone to get up and give her meds when they were due. I had to get up at 2 and 5. When I got up at 5 she was awake, so I gave her the 6am pill and told her to take it at 6. She fell asleep and didn't.

So last night she made some comment about it. I think she was half joking and busting my b@lls but I didn't like it. I told her complaining about that was like someone dying of thirst b!tching there was no ice in the water. She said she wasn't b!tching just saying I should have gotten up. I was tired and it aggravated me.

So I kind of withdrew my attention. Later she kept asking me what was wrong. I said I had a long day and was tired. She said she could tell something was bothering me and wished I would tell her. I told her to put her monkey brain to bed (that's what I tell her when she is being emotional or over-thinking). She said she wasn't being unreasonable and she could tell something was wrong and she wished I would just tell her so she could fix it. She said that giving her the cold shoulder instead of telling her was being passive agressive.

I didn't really reply and she let it go. Later she went on about how much she appreciated all I had done for her and how it was great how I got up all night to give her meds. So she knew it was the meds comments that frustrated me.

So, did I play this right? I didn't want to bring up the meds thing because I didn't want to seem overly sensitive or something and I felt like I addressed it at the time and she knew. But part of me agrees with her that it was a little P-A and could make me come off like a moody b!tch.

I should add - the discussions were actually productive. She was neve disrespectful or condescending, nor was I.

Thoughts?

 

[Desdinova]

GF had surgery last week and I have been caring for her. First night out of the hospital, I set my alarm on my phone to get up and give her meds when they were due. I had to get up at 2 and 5. When I got up at 5 she was awake, so I gave her the 6am pill and told her to take it at 6.

She said she wasn't b!tching just saying I should have gotten up.

It's nice that you're caring for her, but putting yourself in a 'slave' position is going to spoil her. When you spoil a woman, they become more demanding. It should be her job to take her meds, unless she cannot physically do so on her own.

Later she went on about how much she appreciated all I had done for her and how it was great how I got up all night to give her meds.

At least she told you she appreciated it. This issue is done. Time to go back to what you were doing before.

Again, your only mistake here was being her slave - unless both her arms are paralyzed or broken.

 

[G_Govan]

Pretty much what Des said but I would add that you shouldn't allow something like this to upset you THAT much.

Meaning, sure it was a sh-tty thing for her to say but I would've said something like "consider yourself lucky I did ANYTHING Ms. Diva" with a ****y smile on my face. You also stop helping her with it because of her ungrateful attitude, but with a bounce in your step because it didn't anger you it made your life easier not having to worry about it any more.

Don't let them believe they can hurt your feelings so easily. They thrive on that sh-t.

It also depends on context. Certain things deserve a straight up stare down and possibly yelling but that's usually reserved for extreme disrespect.

 

[MOTU]

Thanks guys. I do think I over reacted a bit.

Point taken about spoiling her. I am having her do as much as I can - yesterday I brought her laundry and she sat in bed and folded it. I am also having her take care of some work stuff for me online. I don't want any bad habits to form while she is recovering.

Props to her on one thing: she got off the Norco yesterday. Said she didn't like the way it makes her feel (emotional). She is now just on Advil and Tylenol. She still has 3/4 of the bottle of hydrocodone left.

 

[elemenohpee]

The fact is that women have the mentality of children. And these days, they are generally encouraged to be spoiled, bratty, entitled children. This is the reality that we are faced with and are forced to deal with. And in your case I think your withdrawing of attention was a good way to go. But in my experiences you must be very very subtle about it.

The best way I have found is to turn your back on her when her behaviour is unacceptable. Not in a blatant way, but just subtly disconnect and turn your attention to something/someone else.

Don't ignore her (sulking), get mad or show attitude when you are withdrawing. Be that rock.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So last night she made some comment about it. I think she was half joking and busting my b@lls but I didn't like it. I told her complaining about that was like someone dying of thirst b!tching there was no ice in the water. She said she wasn't b!tching just saying I should have gotten up. I was tired and it aggravated me.

.....

So, did I play this right? I didn't want to bring up the meds thing because I didn't want to seem overly sensitive or something and I felt like I addressed it at the time and she knew.

Personally, I think you could have been more clear on why you were upset. Getting upset is not beta, it's not something you can control. But NOT expressing why you're upset, and "going ghost" and expecting her to figure it out IS pretty beta, IMO.

Then you have an issue where you're "vaguely" upset so she "vaguely" apologizes, and the issue never gets addressed.

If you can phrase it so it's simply some kind of automatic, cause-effect reaction that DECREASES your attraction for her, it tends to hit them where it hurts, and puts the ball in their court.

"I'm upset because you blamed me for not waking you up. It's your illness, and you're responsibility, and I'm only trying to help. When I do things for you, and you don't appreciate it, it makes me less attracted to you. What do you want to do about this?"

If you say this like, "when it rains, I get wet.." it usually works pretty well.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks for the relationship game posts Motu - given that most of us here have had a few LTRs probably more of an issue than how to pickup.

here's some other options:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2210878#post2210878