Rape? GF question..

[pressure0354]

ok so apparently my girlfriend said she was once date-raped. i guess i would like to hear some point of views on this. now i don't know a lot of detail because i figure its a really touchy subject to talk about. so i jsut have the general idea of only the few times shes mentioned it.

from what she tells me, she went on a date with this guy and went back and slept over his apart/house - whatever. maybe drinking a little bit maybe not. im not sure. but i guess when they were laying down she was facing away from him and not really giving him physical signs she was interested. but somehow he ended up having sex with her and her not wanting it.

now i know thats really vague and such. ive even seen her cry once before admiting that shes been raped.

but what really gets me is that she admited to never verbally saying "no". she never told him not to do it. and im pretty sure a girl has to give in phyically at some point to have sex, right? i dont think he phyically forced her (i.e. holding her down as she was struggling) and he didn't drug her. i think what happened was that she just gave in and didn't really want to but felt like she had to.

so im just really confused as to what to think. would you consider that rape? or is it she just is really disappointed in herself for letting herself do that, even though she didnt want to.

id like to talk more about this but don't want to seem an ******* in not taking her side 100%.... what you guys think?

 

[lebRambo]

thats not rape. she must make some sort of gesture, either verbal or non-verbal, indicating that she does not consent for it to be rape. she was just stupid.

 

[aftershock]

Hmm...

Under English law, a defence to rape is that you reasonably believed that she wanted sex. Theorietically, if shes screaming NO NO NO and you think she still wants it, you can fvck her legally. More difficult getting it past the jury though. Note that you have to be sober to use this defence.

From the guys point of view, she didn't say no. Guys don't and shouldn't ask for things, they do. I don't ask to kiss a girl, I just do it etc. She didn't give any signs of rejection but didn't give any signs of attraction either. But why was she in his bed? Why didn't she struggle? Why wasn't there any foreplay etc?

All this doesn't matter, however.

You could chew around with it for months, but you're never really going to know. The best thing to do is just accept it for what it is, rape or not.

 

[Lost In Translation]

i have said about chicks and rape in the past

READ THIS THREAD. HER STORY IS YOUR WOMANS STORY

my comments about rape on a rape thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=74149&highlight=rape

the above thread is in my opinion a must read for all don juans who are new to the whole " i was raped " scenario

if i had a dollar for every b*tch that lied to me about being raped

in the thread i qualify rape and shine a light through some of the bull$hit women claim as rape but is just their reasoning why they slept with some guy


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[pressure0354]

thanks guys!!

she never talks to the guy now and totally blows him off, but i think she just made a big mistake.

for aftershock: i think she did make a subtle physical jesture by turning away and not really being touchy. maybe she was just ignorant.

I guess i just don't understand why she didn't say "no". i mean id have no problem telling a girl no.

 

[Freddy1]

pressure0354
Unless she was physically intimidated in some way????? You have to understand your looking at girl psychology from a guy's perspective. Society teaches girls to behave and think in certain ways. (Likewise society teaches guys to act and behave in certain ways too.) Alot of girls are not taught to be agressive (its not feminine) and tend to play passive roles and behaviours. We forget to keep that in mind sometimes.

Above all I would suggest to her to get a referal from a doctor for a psychiatrist or therapist. I think they would be of more help than what we can give her.

 

[pressure0354]

yeah but she still was in the same bed as him to begin with.

 

[Freddy1]

How did she get into the bed with him? Was there something prior to that? It doesnt rule out she was scared of this guy or not in some way????? Did this guy have a history of violence or showned to be violent? Did he use intimidation tactics??????

Its probably better if she talks it out with a female therapist or something.

 

[pressure0354]

this is what she said in one of her online journals about it:


Luke S- mid sophomore year. My friend hooked me up with him... we talked a lot and I thought we clicked really well. Went out on a date. Then he made me do something I didn't want to do. I never said "NO" so I always blamed myself. A year ago I came to peace with the fact that what I thought had happened, did. I was a victim of date rape. It's too late to do anything about it, but this event changed me forever. No longer was I as naive. I became a very, very, VERY strong and independent girl. I didn't put up with ANY ****. NO abusive language, or pushing me around. I guess I can thank him for that. However, I can't thank him for the scars that he has left me with, and the doubt I always have in the back of my mind on the intentions of people.

 

[Freddy1]

Maybe she's not giving out the complete story????
The best person she could talk to (at this point) would probably be another female who understands female psychology.

 

[HeartlessBtch]

First off, I am going to judge this girl like an average girl (assuming I do not know anything about her, whether she's a slt or whether she's an angel) With that said, let's do this in the Lost in Translation way

ok so apparently my girlfriend said she was once date-raped. i guess i would like to hear some point of views on this. now i don't know a lot of detail because i figure its a really touchy subject to talk about. so i jsut have the general idea of only the few times shes mentioned it.

Mistake #1 - It's your gf and you care, I know things like this can be hard to talk about but it's better for you to clear sht like this out. Why you may ask? Because girls that have seriously been through an experience like this do carry a lot of baggage, and for your own sake (your sanity and doubts about the subject) and her own sake (to have the person she loves understand what kinda sht going throught that is) it is better to know the truth, how it happened and why it happened.

from what she tells me, she went on a date with this guy and went back and slept over his apart/house - whatever. maybe drinking a little bit maybe not. im not sure.

Who the fck cares if she was drunk or not? WHY you gotta blame the fcking alcohol for? YEAH he did offer her a drink, or two, maybe three, BUT who the fck decided to drink it? Did he tie you up so you would do it or did he put a gun to your head? NO, so admitt you were wrong in drinking, I did and anyone else can...Unless the son of a bytch went a put some **** in her drink, which does happen and no matter how high your alcohol tolerance is, the a$$hole knock u the fck out with some rape drugs.

but i guess when they were laying down she was facing away from him and not really giving him physical signs she was interested.

Hold on... did you say laying down?? OK what MORON lays on a bed with a guy thinking that the guy is just gonna sit there and look, keep his hands to himself and no filthy thoughts will cross his mind. GET A GRIP, only your fcking father would do such a thing (and even yet we hear those sick incest stories). PHYSICAL SIGNS?!!?!? OH PLS!!! we know god dmn well that you don't fcking need to give signs to a male for them to think that ou want to jump on his dck as much as he wants to tap your a$$


but somehow he ended up having sex with her and her not wanting it.

Yes it does happen that we sometimes end up regretting letting that person fck our brains out. BUT, did she actually try to do something about it? Was there any physical force involved? Did he beat her? Did she try to scream and call for help?

now i know thats really vague and such. ive even seen her cry once before admiting that shes been raped.

Once again it depends on the girl. Some girls can be complete drama queens about sht like that and in other cases the girl is actually really affected by it. Sometimes rape victims need several weeks and even months of therapy before they even get to live anywhere close to their lives before. It's your call in this one, you know your girl and you should know if those tears are real or fake.

but what really gets me is that she admited to never verbally saying "no". she never told him not to do it. and im pretty sure a girl has to give in phyically at some point to have sex, right? i dont think he phyically forced her (i.e. holding her down as she was struggling) and he didn't drug her. i think what happened was that she just gave in and didn't really want to but felt like she had to.

Like i said, then SHE let him rape her. You can' really call that rape. If she didn't fight back then that sht isn't rape (unless she was drugged like I said before). She should be able to distinguish between rape and having a sexual experience that was unwelcomed... if she didn't want it she should have said so.

so im just really confused as to what to think. would you consider that rape? or is it she just is really disappointed in herself for letting herself do that, even though she didnt want to.

It's your call...talk to her and take the advices in this board that suit you the most. listen, pay attention though, don't be like those god dmn horses blinded by the bottom line of the story (she was raped) and not listening to the facts and details (how, why, and when?)


id like to talk more about this but don't want to seem an ******* in not taking her side 100%.... what you guys think?

You are not an a$$hole, you are her bf and it is very mature of you to actually want to sort this out. God knows how many immature men would have been like "fck it I dont want to deal with this sht , you are a wh0re period." If she was woman enough to bring up the subject, then she should be woman enough to talk about the facts....

 

[Freddy1]

Originally posted by pressure0354
this is what she said in one of her online journals about it:


Luke S- mid sophomore year.
"...NO abusive language, or pushing me around. ..... "

What does she mean by being pushed around? How and in what way?

 

[pressure0354]

hey thanks guys. i really do appreciate this. um in not to sure freddy, like i said, ive only bits and peaces. thanks for da imput. im done.

 

[Freddy1]

Hey Pressure0354
I hope things work out for both of you. Let her speak out at her own pace. I guess she needs to learn how to trust again and come to grip with her own feelings (emotionally damaged people are difficult to work with). See if she can handle going to see a therapist.

Wish you good luck!

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by HeartlessBtch
Like i said, then SHE let him rape her. You can' really call that rape. If she didn't fight back then that sht isn't rape (unless she was drugged like I said before). She should be able to distinguish between rape and having a sexual experience that was unwelcomed... if she didn't want it she should have said so.
[/B]

pretty good advice coming from a chick! (had to say it)

Pressure0354 I think your chick inhibitions were down as a result of her being intoxicated. You got to be asking yourself this question: Who gets intoxicated on the first date and then goes over to the guy's apartment and lay in bed with him?? You don't exectly have an angel on your hands.

I believe that due to her lower inhibitions, she let him fvck her but was not really enthusiastic about it (probably the alcohol made her tired) and after it was all said and done she came back to her senses and felt ashamed about it (Anti-slvt defence kicking in) and in order to feel less ashamed about it, she has convinced herself that it was not her fault for letting him fvck her and instead she ended up being raped.

Remember victims don't have to take responsibility for their actions. Your girlfriend had options but choose not to use them.

 

[wind20mph]

Don't you think it was lousy to listen to her rape cases? She won't talk about it in the first place if she is enjoying your company.

Well so much for that, if you do not like the topic, then you might as well as redirect it to something else, most probably a funny and interesting one.

 

[Visitant]

Originally posted by pressure0354
this is what she said in one of her online journals about it:
.........No longer was I as naive. I became a very, very, VERY strong and independent girl. I didn't put up with ANY ****. NO abusive language, or pushing me around. I guess I can thank him for that.........

In my (awesome) opinion I think that this whole story is an elaborate embellishment of a drastically different series of events.
What was quoted above implies that the dramatisation of events was based on:

a) A desire/justification for seeing and describing herself as "a very, very, VERY strong and independent girl"

b) A means of establishing some sense of importance for herself through being the victim of a drama

c) Joining the 'date rape club' , or in other words, gaining sympathy (translates to attention) from other girls as well as having a social commoness with other date-raped girls.

d) Because with absolutely no effort, she has turned having sex with someone into a fantastic social tool.

 

[darth yoda]

Originally posted by Visitant
In my (awesome) opinion I think that this whole story is an elaborate embellishment of a drastically different series of events.
What was quoted above implies that the dramatisation of events was based on:

a) A desire/justification for seeing herself and describing her as "a very, very, VERY strong and independent girl"

b) A means of establishing some sense of importance for herself through being the victim of a drama

c) Joining the 'date rape club' , or in other words, gaining sympathy (translates to attention) from other girls as well as having a social commoness with other date-raped girls.

d) Because with absolutely no effort, she has turned having sex with someone into a fantastic social tool.

The (awesome) wisdom of Visitant is clear...right, he is.

 

[Lost In Translation]

bottom line is if she don't go to the cops i don't believe her

and as for this " it's too late to do anything about it "

i see on the news people taking people to court for rape and child molest from 30 - 40 years ago


1. why you even talking about this **** with her ?

she wants to tell someone ? TELL THE POLICE !

i have been the boyfriend with the girl with the rape story using it as an excuse FOR ALL SORTS OF EPISODES

now i understand post traumatic stress disorder and all the other deals

i am human and i have lived a hard life

but i am not a rape crisis help line

as a man it will REALLY f*ck with your mind until you consider finding the guy she said raped her and killing/beating him

but maybe you will be killing an innocent man

as for getting her to tell the truth

as most chicks who have told me they been raped under cross examination were full of $hit

**chicks who have REALLY been raped seldom wish to talk about or remember it because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

like a vietnam vet asking them amount vietnam

or asking someone about jail

seldom wish to talk about or remember it because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

now you will never get a drama queen to admit the truth

you gotta sit your mind down and have a chat

SHE MADE A MISTAKE. HUMOUR HER BULL$HIT. CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

play the game as if she is making it up and you will find it doesn't hurt your heart so much that the woman you love is claiming her flake behaviour and continual games are a result of her past

you will not tolerate her crap and act like a don jaun instead of a emotional tampon


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[Lost In Translation]

fantastic insight Visitant !


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**