Quite complicated...

[ivo archer]

Well… you are right….99% right

But….
We have had dates….several, we have share a lot of experiences.. back in the days when she liked me –about 5 months- we went to the movies, we have a lot of meals together, we went to parks in order to carry on some photographic assignments, we went to some touristic places like some famous mountains in my city, we have meals there, with the and ocean view 2000 feet below us, I cut her flowers and kissed her in her nose and forehead when I give them to her, we take pictures, we went to make some Christmas shopping, we went to a couple of parties –ok, her boyfriend invite us- and to some night clubs, she has been at my place, alone with me about 15 times, and I have been at hers about 6 times, we have share music together, I have cooked for her and she have cooked for me. Sometimes when she was at my place, we were lying in the darkness, listening to music, our legs almost crossed, mine with hers, me playing with her hair, our faces less than 2 inches close, she touching my leg, I touching hers, her neck, her ears, touching her hair and moving it behind her hears. We together were lying on my bed a lot of times, talking, playing with our hands… I know…sounds so stupid…all this stuff happening and I wasn’t able to give her a single kiss. Just a single KISS. Of course, she got bored of me…
I wanted to make clear another point. She has this volatile personality…one day she is happy, the other day gray. Although she still has her BF and maybe a new lover, and although you insist I am friendzoned beyond redemption, she tried to seduce me a few weeks ago. You know, she got sick and I went to visit her. When I was at hers, she suddenly said: MMM TELL ME THE TRUTH, I KNOW, YOU AND I ARE NOTHING AT ALL, BUT I DON’T KNOW, YOU HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN AND YOU DON´T WANNA TELL ME…she was behaving like a punished kid. Well she tried to get my attention in with every single resource she had at hand: touching my leg and arms and hair and hands…. a lot!!!, singing in front of me with a seductive attitude, taking my shoulders and moving them with the music as if dancing with me. I said: OH, I´M HUNGRY and she ran to the kitchen and cooked me a meal…I said something funny then and she look at me with great shinning eyes and suddenly she ran towards me and gave me a warm and tender hug, as if saying: WOW….YOU MAKE ME SO SO SO HAPPY AND I REALY LOVE YOU….!!!!. And then, after I finished my meal, she laid down on the couch, she had this very short hot pants, and she touched her leg…”ohhh Y CANNOT TAKE MY ANKLE BRACELET DOWN MY LEG…and I seated beside her and touched her leg and said OH I CAN..and took her bracelet and ran it down her leg… and the I put my hand over her belly rubbing it…she suddenly said: TELL ME THE TRUTH….YOU HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN…I THINK YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE JUST MY FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE AH??? YOU ALLWAYS WANTED ANOTHER THING…it was an obvious invitation to make my move…and I was about to do it…. And then I SAID something really stupid: THIS COUCH IS KIND OF UNCONFORTABLE … and she put her legs down, seated well and changed her mood in a second…she was cold for about two days.
You see. I thought I was frienzoned MONTHS AGO…I was just visiting her because of her illness and she behave that way almost without a cause, just because she thought I have “another woman” and cause I was acting disinterested. She is like that... one day she is just friendly, even cold, the next week she try to seduce me without warning. And this is supposed to be a shy girl. So, I really don´t know if I blew up my chances, because with this girl you really never know.
I know this sounds weird. You can tell I´m sooooo frienzoned that this scenario was almost unthinkable. But it happened. Would a girl that sees you only as a true friend say to you: TELL ME THE TRUTH….YOU HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN…I THINK YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE JUST MY FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE AH??? YOU ALLWAYS WANTED ANOTHER THING????? I don´t think so. For me, this was proof that she has never see me as a friend, and that she already knows I want to get laid with her. That´s why she got so perplexed at my chance of attitude. And you know what? The only thing I did was NOT LOOKING AT HER WHEN SHE WAS TALKING AT A TABLE IN A FOOD COURT TO ME AND HER BF –yes, I know the guy, but he is not a friend of mine- I WAS JUST SITTING THERE EATING MY FRIES, AND FROM TIME TO TIME I TURN MY HEAD TOWARDS HER AND JUST SAID: “ahhh really??…..sounds interesting” As if I couldn´t care less. That´s the only thing I did… I give her my left side and no my front. And some other stuff, like saying to her WHAT?? NO, NO, I´M NOT GOING TO DO THAT…. So, she has now this idea inside her tiny head. And just because of that, she tried to seduce me.
Last weekend she looked my new facebook profile pic… and when she saw me the first thing she asked me was: TELL ME SOMETHING, WHO IS THE ONE HOLDING YOUR HAND IN YOUR NEW PROFILE PIC??? BECAUSE I CAN SEE YOUR ARE HOLDING SOMEONE´S HAND…AREN´T YOU GONNA TELL ME?
And the last time we were together we were having lunch and I told her: YOU KNOW, WE CAN HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US, SO I COULD STAY COOL IF YOU CHOOSE TO BE WITH OTHER GUYS, KNOWING THAT YOU COULD STILL BE WITH ME ANYTIME…yes, I told her so…
She replied: SOMETHING BETWEEN US??? YOU MEAN, LIKE A PHISICALL THING??? LIKE THIS, WITH SOFT AND CARING TOUCHES??? And she began to rub gently my shoulders, my back and mi arms…
I said: WELL, NOT BAD, NOT BAD, BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING HOTTER TOO…
Sooo as you can see, I´m not acting as the classical GOOD FRIEND and I don´t think she sees me in that fashion….
Almost all of our moments are like this…but then, when “the other one” starts texting her, all this good vibe starts to freeze… always.
Next week we are going to a pop concert… she is going without her BF and I´m going with her…could it be a chance for anything? Or it´s just my mind playing with my expectations????

 

[OnTheWayUp]

It's quite sad man, you're so like me last year, it's unbelievable. Deluding yourself into thinking that you might be able to have something with a prize attention *****. Hot/cold, going from friendzone/ flirtatious behaviour, going from not contacting you to being all over you, seeming to spend time with you alone in a pseudo-romantic setting but (to be sure) doing the same with almost all the other guys she knows, having no female friends, having a pseudo-"boyfriend" who she appears to be cheating on regularly: these are all CLASSIC warning signs.

Reread my first post in this thread as well as the very good advice given by Igetit. This situation is not "quite complicated" as you make it out to be- it is one of the most clear cut cases of "run away from this girl as fast as you can" that you will ever see on this site. You are just as obsessed with this girl as I was with my oneitis this time last year- just look at the length of your post.

Let me be absolutely clear about what you should do:

1) Stop seeing this girl asap. If you have to see her for school/ uni/ work reasons, keep contact to a bare minimum.

2) Go after other, quality girls. Challenge yourself to go on at least one date with 10 other girls of a similar age who you also find physically attractive- I can guarantee that you will look at this in a different way afterwards.

I promise you: you'll thank us later.

 

[ivo archer]

I know

you´re right. I´m not thay stupid, even when mi acctions tell otherwise

I have this strange ANIMAL desire for this girl -I like her too, we share a lot of stuff and I´m sure there´s a little atraction- It´s just that I have this BIG frustration for no making the move when I had her 100% avaliable for me. I was so naive, believing she was some kind of fragile angel. And now I have this very bad felling...telling me all the time: IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!!! STUPID!!! I even had a new chance about two weeks ago and I lost it because of my fears and cautious ways towards her.

I don´t know if things would have gone different If I wasn´t so naive. My friends tell me: sooner or later, she would have been a big big big headache for you. Back then, I´m sure she was still faithfull. I was going to be the her first affair, but then I stoped and the next guy took my place. That´s why I´m so pissed out about all this. I mean, I was...I am, the only witness of her...eeeerrr... awakening -and she still has the face of an angel, and she is still so shy she even doesn´t know how to talk as a grown up to her boyfriend´s father; yet, she found no problem in starting this cheating thing from one day to the other.

I´m not 100% frienzoned, but she keeps me in a safe zone situation, so she can have all my good vibes, advices, pseudo romantic aproaches for free.

Do you think things could have been different??

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Do you think things could have been different??

I understand that you're going through a rough time, but at this point, man...WHO CARES? This story just isn't all that interesting. You have some female friend. You liked her. And it didn't work out. That's it.

We ALL have had that story. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.

You lucked out because you didn't end up dating some cheating skank. The girl lucked out too...because she didn't end up dating an obsessive weirdo like yourself.

People gave you an encyclopedia of good advice. Take the advice and move on. Come back here tomorrow asking us for advice on a new prospect. This girl is done. Could things have been different? Yes. You could have forgotten about her WEEKS (months) ago.

You're acting like this is the end of a 20-year marriage. It's just some girl you liked, but never dated. Once again...who cares. This happens every day.

Let's move forward.

There are 24 total posts in this thread. You are TWELVE of those posts. Half the posts in this thread are from you. Do you think you have a problem? Take a deep breath and calm down.

 

[ivo archer]

and you know

I´ve blinded by the idea of love or whatever other thing tha went trough my head...

I was...mmmm MY EGO was happy and so full of joy about the fact that this cute angel, the most beautifull girl I´ve ever seen, felt this so big and so fantastic love for me as she used to put it, the I didn´t see the obvious signs, the weirdness of her behavior..

I mean. If she was sooooo SHY -she said she had only kissed two guys in her life: her two boyfriends, and never before the relationship was labeled as a serious one- how could she has the courage for display such a behavior. I mean, back then, she was the one making the moves: she was the one who said I LIKE YOU, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU, I WANT TO TRAVEL TO YOUR BEDROOM AND BE ON YOUR BED SO YOU CANT WISPER ME WITH YOUR SOFT VOICE, I WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL OF MY HAPPINES, YOU CAN SEE ME BETWEEN WEEKENDS WHEN I´M FREE FROM MY BOYFRIEND...etc etc etc

I know girls, many girls. When a girl likes you it is unlikely she is going to confess this out of the blue because she doesn´t want to be labeled as EASY. When a girl is IN LOVE with her boyfriend or her lover this could be a very confusing situation for her, having to decide sooner or later which one of them she is going to keep. But this little angel from the beggining was like: OK, I WILL KEEP MY BF AND YOU WILL BE MY LOVER....YOU´RE OK WITH THAT?....without experiencing any confusion at all. How could I been so blind????

 

[ivo archer]

Yes, I understand

There are 24 total posts in this thread. You are TWELVE of those posts. Half the posts in this thread are from you. Do you think you have a problem? Take a deep breath and calm down.

You are right, you are right... I would try to get away from her....the thing is..I stoped texting her last night, and she has already texted me 2-3 times. She do this all the time: EY PAL!!! HOW ARE THINGS??? STILL ALIVE??? WHY DON´T YOU ANSWER MY MESSAGES?? DON´T YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE? YOU ARE THE CLOSEST FRIEND I´VE EVER HAD....

Once I told her I was thinking In leave this city, move on to another place. She wrote: CARRY ME WITH YOU, PLEASE!!!! SO, YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND..YOU DON´T LOVE ME, AH?

See? that´s the kind of stuff that keeps me around her... I know this is not taking me anywhere, but how can I fight this???

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Do you think things could have been different??

I understand that you're going through a rough time, but at this point, man...WHO CARES?

We ALL have had that story. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.

Amen to this brother ^^

I know this is not taking me anywhere, but how can I fight this?

Now you're thinking in the right way man. The best way to "fight this," as I've told you before, is:

1) Stop as much contact with this girl as is reasonably possible. Maintain a basic level of contact only out of politeness or for work/study-related reasons. Extended hangouts (like those you mention) and texting which is not purely functional (eg she asks you if you're going to a party, you are allowed to reply with something like: "yep, cu there") is banned. Forbidden. Finito. Just ignore texts like those which you quoted in your previous message which are basically cries for attention/ an emotional reaction from you.

2) Date other girls. I have a friend at uni who gives awesome advice about girls in general (although I used to think he was just a douchebag), and his advice to me this time last year in my oneitis phase was the following: "Date 10 girls who you find attractive at least once, and then see what you think of [oneitis girl]." It worked! The only reason I was into HBoneitis was because I had never even tried to hit on any other girls!! Isn't that stupid? Start a journal on SS so we can help you out.

You'll get there mate. You've come to the right place.

 

[ivo archer]

a question...

i did´n mean to write this reply, but I don´t know how to erase the post....