Question

[sodamnsmooth]

Been caught cheating... well, not really. Ok, I guess it was. I was IMing this girl I know who lives on the other side of the country and my computer died on me. I thought it would reboot, but my girl finds the convo the next day. I basically bull****ted the other chick by saying I always thought about her but I really don't. I was just drunk and decided to be dumb. Anyway, it's been a month and we both agreed to work on the relationship (after huge fight) and now she's saying she's not sure how she feels about me anymore. It hasn't been the first time so she says she doesn't trust me. Although, from the get go (we been together for more than 3 yrs) she's always been very suspicious, a lot of times for no reason.

Anyway, any thoughts on how I should act around her? I know not to be pissed if she doesn't want to be intimate or anything. But I just feel like she gives me a fake laugh and truth be told... I really do want to be with her. I was just dumb. I see where she's coming from cuz I'd be pissed too. Some days she's cool, some she isn't. In the end, I know it really comes down to her and if she feels she can't be with me then I have to accept that and take responsibility - although it would really suck.

I think she's just really angry at me and she's confusing it as something else.

Any way I can salvage this relationship?

Not so don juanish I know. It was a dumb ass move.

 

[Warrior74]

What ever you do, be bold about it. Don't be a timid little man. She will despise you even more. If you want to be with her, be with her. Don't start becoming her bytch because you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship. Don't keep explaining or discussing it over and over. Don't try to put blame on her or put blame on you...the only thing to do is to move forward.

I hope you aren't living with this chic.

If you really want to go for a hail mary...read up on some roissy.

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2009/10/23/cornered/

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-easiest-way-to-revive-a-flagging-relationship/

 

[FairShake]

You didn't cheat. A fight, a strong and slightly dramatic apology from you and the silent treatment for a couple weeks from her should be enough.

A month cooling off period is fine, but if she doesn't trust you soon she might never trust you. And frankly, if one of you doesn't trust the other, the relationship is doomed.

As always communication is key. Talk to her about it and see if you can gauge if there is any room to proceed. If the wall stays up you might have to go fishing elsewhere.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

Thanks for the help fellas. Some days everything is good, some days it isn't... just have to see how it goes. Samspade, I also went with #1. It's just hard to do once you're used to getting and you know how to get attention, you know? Anyway, I'll keep my nose clean.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

What ever you do, be bold about it. Don't be a timid little man. She will despise you even more. If you want to be with her, be with her. Don't start becoming her bytch because you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship. Don't keep explaining or discussing it over and over. Don't try to put blame on her or put blame on you...the only thing to do is to move forward.

I hope you aren't living with this chic.

If you really want to go for a hail mary...read up on some roissy.

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2009/10/23/cornered/

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-easiest-way-to-revive-a-flagging-relationship/

The second article is on point, the **** is that I do live with her and so cutting off contact is not really an option. I left our apartment for a while, but she asked me to come back a few days later but still.

 

[Tontholis30]

Like what everyone else says, communication is the key. You will be able to figure out if you both are willing to continue the relationship...

To be honest.. If i were dating a girl and she did some crap like that I would lay down the law. So may you need to law down the law for her with the sincere apology mentioning what you would do if you were in her shoes.. then follow up immediately with what you are going to do to correct this issue..

If after a few weeks nothing changes... the relationship is over. Move on and learn from this.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

Like what everyone else says, communication is the key. You will be able to figure out if you both are willing to continue the relationship...

To be honest.. If i were dating a girl and she did some crap like that I would lay down the law. So may you need to law down the law for her with the sincere apology mentioning what you would do if you were in her shoes.. then follow up immediately with what you are going to do to correct this issue..

If after a few weeks nothing changes... the relationship is over. Move on and learn from this.

It's been about two months now and she's still reeling over it. I mean, she's cool for the most part but then something, like a family party or something trivial will trigger it. I think I'm done with it.

Time to move on.