Psychology of Human Behavior

[knglerxt]

I'm reading this book called "White Bears & Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control" and just came across this paragraph. I think it sums up quite nicely what I said in another thread about people around here not understanding people's problems and telling them they're "losers' or "have no balls":

"The illusion that people can change at will is very seductive. This is particularly true when it is other people who need to change. It is easy to stand in judgment of someone who is being wrong or stupid, and insist that just a little willpower would fix everything. This is the standpoint that Nancy Reagan voiced in her "Just say no" program, a uniquely unsophisticated campaign against drug abuse. This program assumed that if people haven't tried something, the pressure on them to do it is imaginary, and they can just decide not to. If it were really that easy, however, everyone would have already said no and left Nancy reminding them to say "Thank you," too. When we look at others in ways we wish they would control, it can appear that their only problem is lack of backbone. It is only when we focus this kind of demand on ourselves that we begin to learn how hard it can be to change a person through will alone."

 

[Interceptor]

Basically, there has to be a strong enough stimulus to elicit change.

That's what it all boils down to..

But you get guys on here who just want others to do the work for them..and seem to avoid personal responsibility for the life choices and circumstances they find themselves in.


Th thing is, a lot of males really have no backbone,. In that, they have no internal strentgh to simply start the self improvement /change process.

This lack of inner drive is what is presenting the challenge, and then you get peole that basically say "Lay off him. It's not that easy! Poor little boy, talking to him like that!"
Part of becoming a Maninvolves the ability to MENTOR YourSElf, to "FATHER" yourSELF.

This takes COURAGE.

But the truth is since that poor littlel boy is sacrificing his future by staying a poor little boy into adulthood, the inability for him to SELF START will casue a life of grief, failure, disappointment, depression, and loneliness...unfulfillment.

So that's why the EXTERNAL STIMULUS MUST be STRONG ENOUGH To IGNITE the internal CHANGE. (since he cannot find his internal self start mechanism) He can only find his Internal Compass (and masculinity) when the stimulus provides the necessary emotion: Pain, suffering, anger, anxiety, depression. eliciting the proper and correct RESPONSE.


Tough Love.

 

[Apathetic Nerd]

I signed up for the Marines looking for that stimulus. 1 year later, I still haven't found it.

 

[Interceptor]

Well, first off, I'm looking at your screen name: "Apathetic Nerd."

I'll keep comments on that to myself.

But I will say this...



Your INTERNAL Compass is/was always there.

And you CHANGE Either BY Internal Factors or EXTERNAL factors.

Or both.....

So you went into the Marine Corp, looking for that external stimulus to ignite the locating of your internal compass..and you still find nothing.



What does that say to you?
how does it make you feel?

 

[rrrrr]

The time you change is when your discontent with your current state overpowers your effort needed to make the change. It's not about reading some inspiring message or whatever. If you have problems meeting new people and going to a party full of strangers, the time you change is when you finally get sick of being alone and go for it. People can change, really, when they put effort into it. And yes, they can be cheered on if they are really putting an effort into it. It's not "lack of ballz" or whatever, it really can be a psychological issue and is basically a personality disorder. You don't criticize them any more than you yell at a mentally impaired person for being a retard unable to answer the most basic math problem. First off it's mostly a lack of self esteem. After a while you should be able to say "fvck self esteem" and do whatever you feel like doing, or saying. People can change but it can be a long slow process. The more you put yoruself out there, the easier it becomes, and the happier, more healthy you will be. That's why I said in my previous message you need to focus on your social life first, if you really have social phobias or anything else. I did and I'm a lot better now. I only come on here when I'm really bored.

 

[joey2times]

I signed up for the Marines looking for that stimulus. 1 year later, I still haven't found it.

Then you're a total fag. If the Marines can't motivate you, you're probably into guys.

Joey2times 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines. Exquisite boxing champion.

 

[Create Reality]

you got called a fag by a Marine :crackup:

and my take on the OP is the will to change can be there, but our external reality must coincide with out internal thoughts of change to be most effective. think of this: a good portion of our brain is dedicated to interpreting sensory stimuli. if so much of our brain is not receiving the willful stimulus that fosters change, the will itself just becomes like a cognitive pattern or "negative affirmation". you must act out the change you wish to see in yourself.