Pro DJs opinion on how I handled situation

[TitanSS]

Have been doing pretty well for myself so I haven't been on here in awhile, but here goes. Looking to see what you would have done different.

She's HB 8-9 and 19 years old. I'm average and 25.

We've been dating for a few weeks. She always texts me first, has never once flaked on a date or hanging out or not replied to a text message. Sunday she invites me over to meet her family and eat dinner. Monday we don't hang but she texts me all day. She says random bs and things like "I wish I was there laying with you instead of in class". Yesterday I don't text her and let her text me first and she doesn't until 3pm.. which she normally texts me much earlier. She comes over when she gets out of class and everything seems fine. We're laying together she always finds my hand and makes sure shes holding it. She buries her face in my shoulder and squeezes me. Basically is super affectionate. Goes on for a few hours. She goes to leave and I walk her downstairs and kiss her goodnight and something just seemed off about the kiss. Not our first kiss or anything we've had sex several times. So I wait a few minutes thinking texting her is a bad idea... but do it anyway and this is how we left things:

Me- I hate to be the one to start, the awkward convo, but is there something missing between us? Seemed like you pulled back when I kissed you.

Her - I just dont know, ive been so stressed out my mind is in 100 different places

Me - I just like to know where I stand with someone, you wanna call off hanging with each other from now on?

Her - I wouldn't mind hanging out, just relationship wise i dont think I'm ready.

Me - Alright. Don't take this the wrong way, I do like you. Just cant imagine this ending well for either of us.

Her - What do you mean end well for us?

Me - As in we'll just drag this out and end up arguing or hurting each other. If you're already second-guessing us, things like this usually get worse before they get better.

Her - Yeah you're right. What did you make awkward? lol

Me - This. First time we've had a serious conversation about our feelings and pretty much agreeing this isnt going to go anywhere.

Her - Haha, kinda is... buttttt it is a mature conversaion. thank you for that.

Me - Only way to do it. I'll miss ya.

Her - I'll miss you too, Myles. Who woulda thought we'd be so nice to each other?


Sorry for rambling but you get the idea. I still like this girl and of course it went from escalating to something serious to ending so fast and I can't stop thinking about her today. I realize texting her is a bad idea, but that's all I want to do.

Should I just go no contact and move on? Or was saying anything about the kiss in the first place a bad idea?

 

[BeDJ]

Do not text when you are emotional.

Me- I hate to be the one to start, the awkward convo, but is there something missing between us? Seemed like you pulled back when I kissed you.

Always make the woman tell you or hint what is wrong. By you asking her to open up to you, the control of the relationship shifts over to her. You care more about the relationship than her, she will use that against you and have a higher perceived worth you. You gave her the hint she can do better.

Her - I just dont know, ive been so stressed out my mind is in 100 different places

What were you expecting her to say? 'Hey honey, here's the problem, but let's work together and make this relationship the best it can be! <33333'

Me - I just like to know where I stand with someone, you wanna call off hanging with each other from now on?

You know where you stand through their actions, not words. It's hard to bullsh!t with actions. And then, you came off butthurt. You went for the hail mary to elicit some kind of validation from her. You think you are losing her and that's why you used that strategy. We sense this. She senses this. The moment you fear losing a woman is when you no longer wanted by said woman. Bad move.

Her - I wouldn't mind hanging out, just relationship wise i dont think I'm ready.

The power shifts.

Me - Alright. Don't take this the wrong way, I do like you. Just cant imagine this ending well for either of us.

The power continues to shift. The butthurt increases.

Her - What do you mean end well for us?

Translates to - Give me a fvcking reason why we should still be together.

Me - As in we'll just drag this out and end up arguing or hurting each other. If you're already second-guessing us, things like this usually get worse before they get better.

#emolife

Her - Yeah you're right. What did you make awkward? lol

In the beginning, you brought it up as if it was HER problem. It is. Now, you allowed her to flip it around. IT'S NOT HER PROBLEMS, IT'S YOURS!

Me - This. First time we've had a serious conversation about our feelings and pretty much agreeing this isnt going to go anywhere.

Mankind did not evolve with the development of opposable thumbs.

Her - Haha, kinda is... buttttt it is a mature conversaion. thank you for that.

Game over.

Me - Only way to do it. I'll miss ya.

Please just stop.....

Her - I'll miss you too, Myles. Who woulda thought we'd be so nice to each other?

Friend zoned.

 

[TitanSS]

Someone be hard and me and tell me I did the right thing in breaking things off and that I'd be dumb to contact her or her friends or anything. I hate too many Beta male feelings coming up.

I'm over analyzing a creature that doesn't use logic.

 

[apprenticedj]

Yes Myles NC is the only way to go.

Listen to me clearly here: Texting will only cause things to get weird. DO NOT DO IT!!!! :cuss:

You two "broke up" so there is no need to text her, as much as you want to right now. I suspect there is another guy in the picture which is why things dropped off so quickly. That's usually how it works. You guys ended things clean so be thankful for that. Get back on your game, focus on yourself and meeting new women. I love when things end that way, you never know, she might be single again in the future and you can hit it AGAIN. It's happened to me.

My golden rule: Second time around she can only be a FWB or FB, nothing more, EVER.

 

[TitanSS]

Do not text when you are emotional.



Friend zoned.

Not saying you're wrong just doesn't make any sense as to why she was all over me in bed that night.

So in your opinion I should have never texted her and just ignored it until she brought something up?

 

[TitanSS]

Yes Myles NC is the only way to go.

Listen to me clearly here: Texting will only cause things to get weird. DO NOT DO IT!!!! :cuss:

You two "broke up" so there is no need to text her, as much as you want to right now. I suspect there is another guy in the picture which is why things dropped off so quickly. That's usually how it works. You guys ended things clean so be thankful for that. Get back on your game, focus on yourself and meeting new women. I love when things end that way, you never know, she might be single again in the future and you can hit it AGAIN. It's happened to me.

My golden rule: Second time around she can only be a FWB or FB, nothing more, EVER.

Thank you. Exactly what I needed to hear. I know I already know this, but when you're emotional it's hard to listen to just yourself. Helps to get second opinions.

 

[BeDJ]

Not saying you're wrong just doesn't make any sense as to why she was all over me in bed that night.

So in your opinion I should have never texted her and just ignored it until she brought something up?

It's not your role to figure out what went wrong or how to save a relationship. It's the woman's job to hold that relationship together. The moment you two switch roles, that's when she goes around spreading her le- erm, seeds.

 

[TitanSS]

It's not your role to figure out what went wrong or how to save a relationship. It's the woman's job to hold that relationship together. The moment you two switch roles, that's when she goes around spreading her le- erm, seeds.

Haha I'm going to assume she has feelings for her ex again. Or that those feelings were never gone.

From what I can gather it was over before I ever tried to save it. She went from being super affectionate to holding back when she kissed me.

Thanks again for the input. Hearing it come from others makes it easier to think.. 'well she's hot and i ****ed her...
next"

 

[bukowski_merit]

Seems like - at some point - you wanted her to scream "please don't go!" and now that she didn't - you're not feeling too well about your decision.

And all this because you didn't like the feeling of the way she kissed you?

Even the way you start the whole thing tells me you have a lot to learn. She's 8-9, and you're "average". Terrible frame because all your focus is on looks.

---


When i suspect something is wrong with a woman and my own relationship (whatever context that relationship is in) - I just pull back.

As much as I'd love to just be like "b!tch why are you being so difficult? clean up your act or you'll never see me again." - unless she's really into me, or really into being talked to like that - she'll see that as a crack, and then It'll be on me.... She will flip it.

Very similar to how she flipped this on you.

Women are almost all master manipulators.... It's how they get things done.


On a side note: It doesn't seem like she was that invested in your relationship at all (and you shouldn't have been either); so doesn't seem like this would have went on much longer anyway.

On another side note: I don't suggest you hang around just cuddling for long without sex. It isn't the best frame. Especially early in the "relationship".

Final side note: Resist the temptation to text her or contact her. You need to get used to this. Each girl you learn to ignore - the easier the next one will be. Promise.

 

[TitanSS]

Seems like - at some point - you wanted her to scream "please don't go!" and now that she didn't - you're not feeling too well about your decision.

And all this because you didn't like the feeling of the way she kissed you?

Even the way you start the whole thing tells me you have a lot to learn. She's 8-9, and you're "average". Terrible frame because all your focus is on looks.

---


When i suspect something is wrong with a woman and my own relationship (whatever context that relationship is in) - I just pull back.

As much as I'd love to just be like "b!tch why are you being so difficult? clean up your act or you'll never see me again." - unless she's really into me, or really into being talked to like that - she'll see that as a crack, and then It'll be on me.... She will flip it.

Very similar to how she flipped this on you.

Women are almost all master manipulators.... It's how they get things done.


On a side note: It doesn't seem like she was that invested in your relationship at all (and you shouldn't have been either); so doesn't seem like this would have went on much longer anyway.

On another side note: I don't suggest you hang around just cuddling for long without sex. It isn't the best frame. Especially early in the "relationship".

Final side note: Resist the temptation to text her or contact her. You need to get used to this. Each girl you learn to ignore - the easier the next one will be. Promise.

I didn't even realize she was flipping it on me haha.

Instead of doing what you said and pulling back my attention.. not texting her or being brief with her I got self -conscious.. asked her how she felt.. and when she said she wanted to keep hanging out, but not get serious I chose to say it's not a good idea.

I may not have worded it the best but that's what I was trying to get at.

Thanks again for your input. Seriously feel a lot better already. Neither one of us were that invested it was just that huge of a surprise from her inviting me to meet her family two days ago to her being in control that it got to me.

Two days ago though I was not texting her first and being brief with all my messages and the last couple days I don't think I was doing that so much... I think I went from acting indifferent to trying to be serious and that may have sent her to another dude.

Live and learn.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Do not text when you are emotional.


Always make the woman tell you or hint what is wrong. By you asking her to open up to you, the control of the relationship shifts over to her. You care more about the relationship than her, she will use that against you and have a higher perceived worth you. You gave her the hint she can do better.


What were you expecting her to say? 'Hey honey, here's the problem, but let's work together and make this relationship the best it can be! <33333'


You know where you stand through their actions, not words. It's hard to bullsh!t with actions. And then, you came off butthurt. You went for the hail mary to elicit some kind of validation from her. You think you are losing her and that's why you used that strategy. We sense this. She senses this. The moment you fear losing a woman is when you no longer wanted by said woman. Bad move.


The power shifts.


The power continues to shift. The butthurt increases.


Translates to - Give me a fvcking reason why we should still be together.


#emolife


In the beginning, you brought it up as if it was HER problem. It is. Now, you allowed her to flip it around. IT'S NOT HER PROBLEMS, IT'S YOURS!


Mankind did not evolve with the development of opposable thumbs.


Game over.


Please just stop.....


Friend zoned.

LMAO SPOT ON. FACEPALM. OP you've been banging this chick why would you bring up this insecure needy conversation. If she had any doubts now they are completely validated. Should of just withdrawn. You said one kiss threw you off and before that everything was great....

Doesn't sound like you really care which is a good thing but in the future, always make sure you care less about the relationship than she does. Always have her chasing you. You showed too many cards or something got stale along the way. Live and learn. Next...

 

[TitanSS]

LMAO SPOT ON. FACEPALM. OP you've been banging this chick why would you bring up this insecure needy conversation. If she had any doubts now they are completely validated. Should of just withdrawn. You said one kiss threw you off and before that everything was great....

Doesn't sound like you really care which is a good thing but in the future, always make sure you care less about the relationship than she does. Always have her chasing you. You showed too many cards or something got stale along the way. Live and learn. Next...

Haha man I knew it was I was doing it.. but I did it anyway! the beta male in me was shining at that moment I guess.

I'd say I was showing too many cards. I went from all about having fun to being trying to take things to a serious level after meeting her family and the power shifted fast in two days lol.

I care don't get me wrong, but I'm smart enough to know I won't give a **** about her a week from now.

Just glad I got your alls support while the beta male was still shining and before I could text her or anything else. Definitely helped. At least I get to walk away with a little dignity. I'll feel a lot better if I can continue to not text her cuz I know how girls are and she'll be wondering why I'm not texting her and wondering if she was wrong. May never lead to anything, but I love knowing they're thinking that.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I like this post and this question - so much so, I did a whole podcast on it to answer it! Check it out!!

 

[Skyline]

So I wait a few minutes thinking texting her is a bad idea... but do it anyway and this is how we left things:

Me- I hate to be the one to start, the awkward convo, but is there something missing between us? Seemed like you pulled back when I kissed you.

Her - I just dont know, ive been so stressed out my mind is in 100 different places

Me - I just like to know where I stand with someone, you wanna call off hanging with each other from now on?

Her - I wouldn't mind hanging out, just relationship wise i dont think I'm ready.

Me - Alright. Don't take this the wrong way, I do like you. Just cant imagine this ending well for either of us.

Her - What do you mean end well for us?

Me - As in we'll just drag this out and end up arguing or hurting each other. If you're already second-guessing us, things like this usually get worse before they get better.

Her - Yeah you're right. What did you make awkward? lol

Me - This. First time we've had a serious conversation about our feelings and pretty much agreeing this isnt going to go anywhere.

Her - Haha, kinda is... buttttt it is a mature conversaion. thank you for that.

Me - Only way to do it. I'll miss ya.

Her - I'll miss you too, Myles. Who woulda thought we'd be so nice to each other?


Sorry for rambling but you get the idea. I still like this girl and of course it went from escalating to something serious to ending so fast and I can't stop thinking about her today. I realize texting her is a bad idea, but that's all I want to do.

Should I just go no contact and move on? Or was saying anything about the kiss in the first place a bad idea?

The numbers highlighted red are the messages where you went wrong in this text exchange.

10 quick texting tips:
1. Don't text her all day.
2. Delay your responses (x2 of her sent message then follow up within a minute or two then go back to x2)
3. Never ask two questions in the same text.
4. Your texts should be no longer than 2(max) sentences unless you're telling her a story or joke.
5. How are you, hope you had, hope you're feeling well, etc... Should NEVER be used unless they're actually sick or something happened.
6. Don't overstep your boundaries. Meaning don't say or ask anything you wouldn't in person.
7. Be yourself. Faking a personality then meeting them in person only to have them find out you're different, is basically lying behind their back.
8. Serious discussions should not be taken seriously. Unless its a death or someones sick.
9. Actions speak louder than words. Texting gives women/men the power to talk and say/deny whatever they want because they never have to see your face.
10. Never spill your guts to her or share any emotional sh*t.

This whole conversation should have never had happened in my opinion... She kisses you "wrong" so you question what you "have?" Like what Espi said, the moment you start to ask all these questions is the moment interest drops. Next time you begin to question things like this, just withdraw attention.

And yes you guys "broke up" per say in that exchange.

 

[Jair213]

Wtf was this.. this was some top afc sh!!t ... Terrible

 

[Kbomb]

You shouldn't text a girl you are ****ing like that. You basically just asked her to be your girlfriend in the most passive way possible, by giving her the soft ultimatum.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Your behavior was DJ until she through that first curve ball at you (they always do) and you went full beta faggot.

You freaked out --> "Oh no!! She's losing interest! Better talk about feelings!!" :crackup:

You should always care LESS about the relationship than the girl does. Also.. never freak out or change how you act because the woman does. Be a rock. Spin plates. Don't try to manipulate. Don't be afraid to make her "mad". Stick to what you've been doing from the start. If she doesn't like it she can f*ck off.

You know you're beta when you freak over a small behavior change in a woman. Yeah.. women are inconsistent. They'll do something for a while then change up. And if you never rock the boat in the relationship.. SHE WILL.

You should of just kept f*cking her and not worried about where the relationship is going. Its not a man's job to worry about these things. :nono:

Women are almost all master manipulators.... It's how they get things done.


On a side note: It doesn't seem like she was that invested in your relationship at all (and you shouldn't have been either); so doesn't seem like this would have went on much longer anyway.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

i am by no means a pro DJ )
but here's my thoughts. this conversation should have never taken place in the first place.
just act cool, and if you meet her, be casual, funny, sexual, use kino , create rapport and escalate. these "feelings talks" are the woman's resort. as soon as YOU ask HER where do you 2 stand, you lost. it is her job to do so. if you do it, she will automatically place you in the beta box, sense that you are needy, and needy is not sexy. we love when we see that a woman needs us. they hate it. they wanna be the needy ones. if you take it away from them, they will lose respect for you. and after losing respect, attachment is automatically lost also.

 

[TitanSS]

Your behavior was DJ until she through that first curve ball at you (they always do) and you went full beta faggot.

You freaked out --> "Oh no!! She's losing interest! Better talk about feelings!!" :crackup:

You should always care LESS about the relationship than the girl does. Also.. never freak out or change how you act because the woman does. Be a rock. Spin plates. Don't try to manipulate. Don't be afraid to make her "mad". Stick to what you've been doing from the start. If she doesn't like it she can f*ck off.

You know you're beta when you freak over a small behavior change in a woman. Yeah.. women are inconsistent. They'll do something for a while then change up. And if you never rock the boat in the relationship.. SHE WILL.

You should of just kept f*cking her and not worried about where the relationship is going. Its not a man's job to worry about these things. :nono:

Damn I hate it when other people are spot on. I never claimed to be an alpha or I wouldn't be here asking advice.

I don't have feelings for women all that often usually just want to be physical with them so this was different for me and probably why I failed so hard.

Basically, the kiss thing was her bull**** curveball and if I would have ignored it and went no contact or withdrew a little attention was the only way to go as an alpha? As in if she decides she wants to keep being affectionate I'll keep talking to her but if it is going south it is going to do so anyway so there's no point texting her and giving her the control.

Am I understanding that correct?

I think she was still invested in her ex, but I had ignored that as to not act like i cared if she had feelings for another guy or come off needy.... so far haha.

So I'd say chances are she was gonna flake eventually anyway, but for next time when this is sure enough going to happen.... Withdraw attention from the girl if she acts like this as to let her know I am less invested in it that her? Correct?

 

[TitanSS]

I like this post and this question - so much so, I did a whole podcast on it to answer it! Check it out!!

Wish I would have came in here and asked some more questions before I went all beta on her.

I don't know why but you're exactly right I kept feeling all needy even when I really had no reason to be. I kept telling myself she's giving all positive signs and offering herself to come over and yet I still felt in the back of my mind like she was losing interest. The classic beta **** I usually make fun of people for.

Oh well, it wasn't going to last anyway. I looked at it as a win-win. I needed to save money I was on track to paying off a ****-ton of debt way early and buying a house haha.

One more thing to add. Before I was dating her I was taking a break from women and she kind of came on to me so that's why I asked her out on the first date to begin with. So as I started dating her I had 0 other women that I was talking to... I hadn't even intended on talking to her. 0 plates on the side. Bad Myles.