Please offer some advice on the best strategy with this chick

[deuce42]

Hi DJ’s

I am keen to hear your expert advice on a situation I'm in.

I was out one night at a bar and a chick came up to me and hit on me. When she came back to my place I learnt that a few days before she had split up with her partner of seven years. I didn’t take anything seriously given that fact, but over a couple of months we would see each other maybe once a week just for a bit of fun and I came to really like her.

Given that she has just come out of a seven year serious relationship, I realize she is in no state to start another one. Its bad for her and bad for me, but at some point one day I could see a long term relationship happening. I have every intention of seeing other chicks and wont just limit myself to this one, but I really could see a long term future one day after her dust settles and she has been single for a proper period of time.

So now here is my question, - on the basis that I would like to make this a serious affair some time, should I continue screwing her once a week and having a bit of fun no strings attached, or would I be better off cutting her off completely and saying “hey babe, why don’t you give me a call some time when you have sorted yourself out if you want to consider something more serious”.

Just for the avoidance of doubt and before anyone lashes me, I totally get the problems right now with her and am still out there looking for other chicks. There is no oneitis here, other than I want to give myself the best chance with her some time in the future when she becomes a normal single chick on the market. I guess I am concerned that if I just become a regular screw for her, by the time she is ready to be out there looking for a relationship, the spark may have gone and she may only see me as a f$#k buddy.

Thanks for reading

 

[Poonani Maker]

Com'on, you just want the pvssy, be honest...

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You need to let things continue the way they are, and be cool and okay with it. It is when they want to change things, and start making demands on the girl (to spend more time, to get more serious, etc.), when guys show their weak side and insecurities, that always leads to her wanting to end everything, period.

She is confortable with the current arrangement. Be honest, you most likely wish you could be banging her more than once a week. If that is the case, and that is one of your main motivations to seek more with her in the future, then you will only kill anything you got going now. You can't make them change. It has to be her idea to want to pursue more. You telling her you want something serious will only force her to make a decision that does not include you in her future. You are the rebound guy, and the context of the relationship proves it. Anything remotely resembling you giving her an ultimatum will just make her think about how she needs to get rid of you, and then you'll come here asking "How do I get my FB back." Also important to note, as soon as she finds herself the guy she wants a serious relationship with, she will end the once a week arrangement she has with you. It will be, Once a week sex with you vs. Needing to take the puss off the market for the new guy she really wants to settle down with.

Just let it be, man.

 

[deuce42]

Actually I really am being honest, we have similar music taste, artistic interests, political views, etc etc. I really want more than just sex. I have no problem saying if I am just in it for one thing

 

[deuce42]

You can't make them change. It has to be her idea to want to pursue more.

Just let it be, man.

Ok this is good advice and I realise what you are saying. But my only question is - assuming I do want more than what we have at the moment, if I cut off all contact totally myself, I mean just by being too busy and stop returning her calls etc, is there a chance she may decide she does want something under her own volition as you say?

What I am trying to say is, she may decide after some time without me that she does want something if I am not figuring in her life. I guess I just dont want to overexpose myself and only allow myself to be that rebound guy.

I do understand that the alternative is to just continue blindly as is.

If I am being an absolute idiot and deluding myself I am not above being told so

 

[BobMo']

"I guess I just dont want to overexpose myself and only allow myself to be that rebound guy."

You are already the rebound guy.
Hate to tell you, but she'll dump you someday soon. She'll either go back to 7-year man, or find another dude with a better job to sex her up. Women.

 

[Jay Dee]

You're getting attached mate - either friendzone her, or progressively deny her requests to meet. Not so you'll get her to chase (although that regularly is a pleasant outcome), but more to help you cope with the likely inevitable scenario of her moving on before long.

She basically has to miss you - but it's a long shot because if she isn't ready for settling down, she'll find another friend-with-benefits soon enough. You need to move on too as she'll confuse you while trying to get her head straight, find some other chicks.