please help my utter AFCness -need guidance

[Ziro]

Well, this is my first post here, but i've been looking around this site for about a month and a half now. I must say that my confidence in myself and in what i can do has majorly increased. I'm not an unpopular guy at my school, but certainly not too popular, and I'm quite good-looking, but that really only gets you so far. There are lots of girls in my school who i know i could date, but (here comes the sappy AFC stuff) the one i want is of course one of the only ones who i can't really get.

Here's my situation: This girl that i'm into, she lives just down the street (I live in a small neighborhood [20 houses] in just about nowhere-land). I've known her for a really long time, and we've always been quite close. For a while I made it really obvious that i was into her and called her a lot (just about everyday). After noticing that what i was doing didn't increase her interest level in me at all, I slowly stopped making phone calls to her as much. I've known her for about 6 years, right now we have a really good friendship and i don't want to lose that. This weekend i decided to try out things that i had read on here (kino, taking a little bit more initiative, a small amount of c&f). Since i live just down the road from her, i can easily get together with her just about any weekend (we're both horribly busy during the week). I told her Friday that I'd come see her today (Sunday), so sure enough i stopped at her house around noonish. We went for a walk for about an hour (i used a bit of kino, which she seemed to react well to) and then she suggested that we go see a movie. I was up for it, I thought it might be a chance to try some more kino and get a bit closer to her (note- we've always sort of had a little bit of an attraction thing going on... at least that's the way I see it, she may think totally differently). Here's where my ship sunk (the walk had been great, i thought that i could feel some attraction between us, but this movie sorta made me lose that state of mind)- at the movies, we talked quite a bit during the movie, but she seemed quite closed (slouched back, arms crossed- her legs were spread slightly, mind you). Being quite inept in the art of kino and whatever it is i could do to sort of open her up a bit more, i did nothing. At some points in the movie her legs were crossed away from me and towards me, that's when i really felt sorta dumb for going to the movies with her.
Anyway, when we got back she said that we'd have to go see another movie sometime (at this point i was thinking "why so you can just sit there and not let me do anything while your ego is boosted by just knowing that i want to try to initiate something?"). We did have some pretty good kino early on (during the walk), but at the movies i was unsure what to do.

-yea i know, i AM an AFC right now, but it only seems to be with this very girl. Thanks for all your help -ZIRO

 

[Vincent]

the only ones who i can't really get

That in itself made me cringe. You claim to have gained confidence, maybe you have, but don't stop now. There is NEVER a girl you can't get (well maybe a dyke but i won't get into that). You need to change your attitude about this or else you'll be screwed.

Ok, secondly, Whats this about you planning your life around hers? It doesn't work that way, She needs to FIGHT for your time, not the opposite, you tell her you'll do something with her, if she says no, move on she's not worth your time. That was the second flaw in your game.

Next, a MOVIE? Ya lets spend 20 bucks to sit in the dark and do nothing for two hours. I know you see the problem with this, but still movies are not a good way to get to know someone. Do something fun like taking a walk or go ice skating, something that won't cost you a lot, but is still a lot of fun.

And, You don't sound like a girl, so that means you don't think like one, so don't act like you know what a girl thinks, or likes. She may have some attraction for you, but untill your willing to drop this friendship thing, she won't drop it and you'll stay in the friends zone. You did good in interpreting body language, but don't over exagerate things. If she's known you for 6 years, she's gonna be confertable around you no matter what, so body language won't be that effeciant. Try doing things like listening to he voice, the way she laughs, the way she reacts to your kino, things like that.

Well if you fix these flaws, you still might have a chance, but you need to move on if she doesn't like you, its just one fish in the sea. So good luck, don't suck

 

[naluholo]

Ok, secondly, Whats this about you planning your life around hers? It doesn't work that way, She needs to FIGHT for your time, not the opposite, you tell her you'll do something with her, if she says no, move on she's not worth your time.

I don't think he said anything like that...

I know you see the problem with this, but still movies are not a good way to get to know someone. Do something fun like taking a walk or go ice skating, something that won't cost you a lot, but is still a lot of fun.

They know eachother quite well after 6 years - he wasn't looking to get to know her. Also, they -did- take a walk, did they not?

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Ziro, in short - stick with it. Continue with the c+f, kino, etc. He's right about her being comfortable around you and body language not meaning much, but you should still be able to tell quite a bit from eye contact.

Try changing your topics of conversation away from the typical friendly type and add some depth to it... Try and make her feel like you're getting to know a whole new side of her...

And yeah, the movie sounds like it kinda blew... Don't worry though, that doesn't matter... Just keep with the kino, lead the conversations into a topic that'll move you towards your goal, throw in c+f.

ps
Since -she- suggested the movie, it shows that she was having a good time with you, so that's a good sign... but maybe next time you should consider coming up with something to do...

 

[Ded_Skin_Mask13]

after 6 years of knowing a chick and especially if she lived close by, i probably wouldn't be attracted to her anymore...but that's just me. keep hanging in there dude, you seem to be doing most of everything right except the movies. since you say you can date most of the chicks at your school or whatever, then don't settle just for one, you can also use dating many chicks as a tool for getting the girl you really want.

 

[Ziro]

yeah, thanks guys. Next time I think I'll go for something a bit more fun than the movies. As for being attracted to her, I can't really explain it (it's just a recent thing). I don't even know what happened to make me interested in her. Either way, thanks again.
The best thing i can do is to do my best.