Parental problems... at age 22... WTF...

[Eaglecreek]

So I'm back from my businesstrip like Credos. We both had to work really hard, normally at JDN you have to work 12 hours, 6 days out of 7. Because we are internies we had to sign a contract that we shouldn't get payed (anyhow, it seems now we will get payed so that's a good thing, but at the time we didn't know that). I had an workhour average of 14.5 and I worked 7 days out of 7(for one month). Needless to say they we're very happy with my work (As I developed them a device that makes them 200000 euros a year - which is not much considering the ship earns 400000 a day, but its the best any interny ever did )

That being said, you guys understand, I just worked a lot. I get back home and start to study immediatly because I have to redo quite alot of exams from my first semester (yeh i fvcked up...). My parents were already busting my balls, saying that: "You better make sure you pass all your exams or we ain't paying nothing"... They're doing it to stress me out. I was talking about how nice the guys in Oman we're, especially because they're arab and I'm a white guy. They started insulting Omani's... I talk about travilling to japan, they say: Japanese people are racists... I talk about spain... Again same story... They just keep trying to project all their bullsh*t and their sh*tty opinions on me even if they don't know anything about the subject.

This agitates me ALOT, so I just decided to keep my cool and leave to my college town and study there. I also did it because my dad is a gamer and he's getting deaf, so when I study at home, all I hear is starcraft2 noises.

My mom starts flipping out on me yelling at me, again, that I beter pass all my classes. I've been hearing this for the last 4 years now, this is the first time I have to redo exams. She then starts insulting me for never getting good grades and that I alwayse have to redo exams (which, like I said, is not true) and basicly that I'm an idiot. Furious as I am, I still somehow kept my cool and just try to laugh it off, even though I felt incredibly insulted.

Anyhow now that I'm back in my college town, everything seemed to go good, but the days she calls me she insulted me everytime and kept on trying to put stress on me... Now today comes and I feel like exploding. (9:30 pm)

She asks where I am, I say:
me: I'm at the studenthouse. (this is a place where alot of students come to study at night, nobody talks so it's great, about 100 people there)
ma: I know that's not true, you liar...
me: Ma wtf are you talking about, I'M here, want their number and call them?!(there's still somebody at the reception at the time)
ma: Whatever... You better make sure you pass all your classes! And I know you're gaming there!
me: (getting pissed) Ma I'm studying 11 hours a day!
ma: Right, then tell me why did you have to move from your current place to another place

(yeh I'm moving, all my neibors, literally all of them, keep making noise till 12 at night DURING exams. Somedays I have to get up at 7 to get to my exams, so I lose a lot of sleep and focus because of it. My new place is also 90 euros cheaper than the last)

me: (tells her for the 1000 time why I moved)
ma: It's just because you got internet there so that you can play starcraft2...
me: My Laptop is 3 years old, it can't run that game...
ma: then you're playing other games...
Me: Seriously ma I'm not playing anything, I'm studying 11 hours a day...
ma: Yeh but next semester you'll probebly only game...
me: FFS will you cut it out, I CAN'T play SH*t on my pc
ma: mubles (she's clearly pissed because I'm getting rude)

I am soooooo tired of constantly be put down by both my parents... My pa alwayse talks bad about everything and my ma is constantly nagging about my grades and about me gaming (I haven't gamed in the last 6 months). They even told me, when I said I was going on a 3 day trip with friends, that if my grades were bad I wasen't allowed (I worked my fvcking @ss off for the last 4 months without any free time and still they wouldn't allow me to do what I want for 3 days... I'm 22 years old and still I get treated like a fvcking baby) I lose my focus because she keeps putting me down and when I try to talk about it she starts insulting me by saying stuff that I'm "Ungratefull" and "selfish"....

I can't stand it anymore.. I want to move out, but I need money to get my engineering degree... I know I can get a job myself and try to pass my classes, but I don't want to lose an extra year just because my parents are annoying...

What should I do...
I'm thinking of getting a part time job and splitting my 1.5 years that I still have to do into 2 years of studying...

 

[Army Strong]

Join the Army.

 

[Last_straw]

trying ignoring your parents for the next year, study your ass off and get done with school. Then get out there and make money!!!

 

[Desert Fox]

I recommend you mooch off your loser parents as much as you can. If you DO get a job, save that **** for yourself and keep using as much of your parents money as possible for school.

I recommend focusing on school, becoming self sufficient. The best way to treat your goddamn loser parents is to make them THINK they own you then one day you have your degree, secret stash of cash, and a solid job and you're gone.

I call your parents goddam losers because they're supposed to support their kid no matter waht but your dad plays ****in SC2 all day. I wouldn't be surprised if he were some ****in WoW loser.

Anyways life is a war. You are alone until you find people that are like minded and truly care. For most people this is usually their family but you don't seem to have that luxury. Lie to them and make them think you're obedient and dominated until you can be self sufficient.

Be patient. You are frustrated because you're in a situation where you feel like you have no escape. But that is not true. You CAN escape but just not fast enough. Patience.

 

[Eaglecreek]

I recommend you mooch off your loser parents as much as you can. If you DO get a job, save that **** for yourself and keep using as much of your parents money as possible for school.

I recommend focusing on school, becoming self sufficient. The best way to treat your goddamn loser parents is to make them THINK they own you then one day you have your degree, secret stash of cash, and a solid job and you're gone.

I call your parents goddam losers because they're supposed to support their kid no matter waht but your dad plays ****in SC2 all day. I wouldn't be surprised if he were some ****in WoW loser.

Anyways life is a war. You are alone until you find people that are like minded and truly care. For most people this is usually their family but you don't seem to have that luxury. Lie to them and make them think you're obedient and dominated until you can be self sufficient.

Be patient. You are frustrated because you're in a situation where you feel like you have no escape. But that is not true. You CAN escape but just not fast enough. Patience.

First off thanks for the replies so far guys.

Btw, it's true, my dad used to be a wow nerd... Maybe that's why my mom is so frustrated, he just keeps neglecting her. My brother and I were able to make him quit wow though, so the neglecting has reduced a bit. The frustrated mom part hasen't though. She has gotten very greedy, even my brother says so and he rarely says such bad comments about my mom, the guy has elephant skin... He got insulted just as much as me but he lived through all of it. I gotta admit, alot of respect for him, though I only hope he leaves the house soon, cause both my parents are really bad influence, alwayse talking bad about everybody. Even people they call "friends", not that they have any...

Anyhow, thanks to my hard work I could already go with JDN (my escapeplan) and get one of the biggest paychecks any rookie can get in Belgium. However, I talked with my uncle, who is a succesfull businessman and who I respect very much, and he told me it would be unwise of me to do so because my competition will use the fact that I'm only a bachelor against me.

So I have no other option than getting that degree. Now my parents aren't willing to pay for a lost year. However I might be able to convince them into paying for a Master to Master. I really would like to get a diploma logistics on top of my engineering. I would be lying to them and saying that I passed enough classes to fully complete my degree next year. Then during that year I normally have to make my thesis at JDN again and that's my ace in the hole. I could tell them that people at JDN convinced me that if I get an extra degree in logistics I could surely reach an even better function much faster and earn more money. I'm quite certain they would be convinced, since I'm pretty sure that's what my dad alwayse wanted... I guess he sees a bit of himself in me and that's why they did still keep paying for me.
I could then really get that degree and include working on my thesis of my previous master. That way I don't lose a year...

Second plan was, like I said in my previous post, get a job and I found something good. Becoming a welder for 2 years (or something else that requires technical skill) would give the same advantage as getting that logistics degree, because at JDN I have to instruct all the technical personal of a ship. That includes welders and from what I heard it shows in your paycheck if you got skills like these.

However, desert, you pretty much convinced me to go with option one. I'll just look for a weekend job (maybe some technical skilled job) so that I don't have to go "home" anymore.

Heh I guess it is like they say, in every failure is an option for new success... Get expertise in welding or get a degree logistics. Or both

 

[Desert Fox]

Alright, best of luck with that. I know nothing about your field or enterprise (I'm in the academic field doing research for mars) so obviously ask more people than me and think it out thoroughly yourself, which it seems you have so good job.

In life many decisions do not seem clear cut, but if we think things out rationally the correct decision often becomes clear.

Simply make a list:

option 1 - pros vs cons
option 2 - pros vs cons

Be rational when you're making the list and you will have your answer. I'm about your age, but in a different country. I went through a similar thing 1 yr ago, but was able to convince my parents who supported me for a while but now I see are starting to revert to their old ways. Anyways, best of luck.

 

[Kailex]

I know RIGHT NOW this seems like an impossible situation, but you need to do what is best for yourself in the LONG TERM. Don't become short-sighted because you've been dealing with this for "22 years". Weigh your options. Personally, I'd take a year or two more of misery if it meant that for the rest of my life... I would feel absolute freedom and happiness.

Also, your mom has the "Complaint Syndrome". No matter how happy she could ever possibly be, she will ALWAYS find something to complain about.

I went through this with my grandmother when I stayed with her a few months, some years ago. She would always complain about having to do my laundry, but whenever I tried to do it myself, she'd complain that I wasn't doing it right and that I should let her do it anyway.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Tune them out, get your life in order, get prepared for the long term and then do your thing. You're 22, SO... SO YOUNG! You have plenty of time to live on your own.




PS: I used to be a WoW nerd. Key word: USED.

 

[Eaglecreek]

Thanks for the responses so far guys,

So like desert said I should try and secretly stash some money, the funny thing about that is that my mom checks my account (my bankstuff gets mailed home, she seems to open them alot and checkout my stuff... real creepy...). So I'll open a new bank account. Next problem: she also checks my taxbill, which you have to fill in how many days you worked.

Now telling her about some days isen't a worst case I think, even though I prefer not to considering it will only make her complain like she did with my brother. Also in this country students are only allowed to work 22 days during the summer and 22 days during schoolyear, else you lose your childmoney (every family gets financial support if they have kids... It's a good system IF people were honest... You also have to know that Belgians are know to be the biggest frauds in the world - thats why that date limit has been made in the first place). That means I'll have to find something out of the system, something not so "legit"... That means a sh*tty job :/. Maybe it's wise to get some advice from my uncle on the subject...

PS: Kailex: my mom did the EXACT same thing about laundrey, working during the weekends, coming home, ...

 

[imaginemypotential]

I love the advice, I'm in a similar situation things have gotten better through, I've learned how just find bright spots whatever works to keep them happy with small investments I keep going, Im attacking the sub conscious the conscious and I dont see eye to eye

 

[Chromeo]

hey man, I got the same problems. 22 as well. Although just graduated having paid 80% on my own.

My dads lazy and my moms has the "complaint syndrome" as kailex calls it.

Was just at my parents yesterday, emptied the dishwasher for them, and I get "why cant you rinse out your soda cans(2 cans next to the sink), cant you ever clean up after yourself"... Mind you my parents house is full of clutter.

My mom also loves to do favors for me then before I get a chance to say thank you she gives a 3rd person "thanks mom" as to imply my extreme lack of gratitude for something I had never asked to be done for me. I always thought the rule was: Never do a favor to expect a thank you, or Dont lend someone money with the intent to have it repaid.

I was telling my dad about a job offer I got with a company that may soon have a show on the spike network. "huh" was his reply... not even a "wow thats cool". I had a few concerns about the job and said "im not really sure what to do" he says "about what?" ... "uh where have you been for the last ten minutes, im talking about the fvcking job offer"... "well just do it and take the money"

Anyway, tune them out, try and tell them what they want to hear as much as possible so they quit b!tchin. I know its hard to speak bad of your parents because you want to have a good relationship with them, but you know what life dont always work out and sometimes your parents are just chumps.

 

[Eaglecreek]

I came to a conclussion

It appears I'm going to lose half a year because I made a (semi-)dumb decision.

I had 16 days to study math and strength capacity. (16 days due to my internship, which was probably the best thing I ever did in my life)
Normally it takes 14 days to study math and about 6 days to study strength capacity.
I made the mistake of thinking that I could do both in less and thus I studied both. We need a 10/20 to pass.
I got 9 on both... Doh...
I don't blame myself that much, I really was obligated to take the risk, however, it does mean I need to redo those courses and thus I'm not allowed to make my thesis next year. I'm not mad or anything, as I think this does bring opportunities to just study something extra (like logistics, like I suggested in the previous post) or do some part time work and start saving up money and get some experience in the field.

I've thought it all through and I have a few options:
1) lie to parents and then just do a master to master. Do my thesis of my first master in that year then
2) tell the truth, hope they will still pay but know that it will fire back at me and that they will use this against me ALOT (I'm expecting stuff like: I told you, you couldn't do it... Some great motivational speech like that)

--------------------------------------
I guess I'll do the honest thing, because lies backfire even harder and I hate the cowards way out...
These are the results I can get:
2.1) They say okay and they bust my balls for the next 1.5 years and they take away my small bit of free time I still have left after 4 months working 10+ hour a day… A sacrifice I'm willing to make.
2.2) They say no, I get a part time job and throw them out of my life (at least temporarily) and complete my school in 2 years instead of 1.5 years.

I'll tell them once my exams are over, to save me the unnecessary pressure , I'm kind of expecting the worst: No money and they'll try and take away my spare time. Should that happen I’ll just ask them for the contract of my next “home”, take my stuff, say goodbye and thanks. (yes, I am thankful, for they did pay for my college so far where there are parents who don’t even do that)

Whatever happens, I know in my heart that this has to be done and that whatever they choose, it will force me to take make the right choice.

 

[londonzen]

So I'm back from my businesstrip like Credos. We both had to work really hard, normally at JDN you have to work 12 hours, 6 days out of 7. Because we are internies we had to sign a contract that we shouldn't get payed (anyhow, it seems now we will get payed so that's a good thing, but at the time we didn't know that). I had an workhour average of 14.5 and I worked 7 days out of 7(for one month). Needless to say they we're very happy with my work (As I developed them a device that makes them 200000 euros a year - which is not much considering the ship earns 400000 a day, but its the best any interny ever did )

That being said, you guys understand, I just worked a lot. I get back home and start to study immediatly because I have to redo quite alot of exams from my first semester (yeh i fvcked up...). My parents were already busting my balls, saying that: "You better make sure you pass all your exams or we ain't paying nothing"... They're doing it to stress me out. I was talking about how nice the guys in Oman we're, especially because they're arab and I'm a white guy. They started insulting Omani's... I talk about travilling to japan, they say: Japanese people are racists... I talk about spain... Again same story... They just keep trying to project all their bullsh*t and their sh*tty opinions on me even if they don't know anything about the subject.

This agitates me ALOT, so I just decided to keep my cool and leave to my college town and study there. I also did it because my dad is a gamer and he's getting deaf, so when I study at home, all I hear is starcraft2 noises.

My mom starts flipping out on me yelling at me, again, that I beter pass all my classes. I've been hearing this for the last 4 years now, this is the first time I have to redo exams. She then starts insulting me for never getting good grades and that I alwayse have to redo exams (which, like I said, is not true) and basicly that I'm an idiot. Furious as I am, I still somehow kept my cool and just try to laugh it off, even though I felt incredibly insulted.

Anyhow now that I'm back in my college town, everything seemed to go good, but the days she calls me she insulted me everytime and kept on trying to put stress on me... Now today comes and I feel like exploding. (9:30 pm)

She asks where I am, I say:
me: I'm at the studenthouse. (this is a place where alot of students come to study at night, nobody talks so it's great, about 100 people there)
ma: I know that's not true, you liar...
me: Ma wtf are you talking about, I'M here, want their number and call them?!(there's still somebody at the reception at the time)
ma: Whatever... You better make sure you pass all your classes! And I know you're gaming there!
me: (getting pissed) Ma I'm studying 11 hours a day!
ma: Right, then tell me why did you have to move from your current place to another place

(yeh I'm moving, all my neibors, literally all of them, keep making noise till 12 at night DURING exams. Somedays I have to get up at 7 to get to my exams, so I lose a lot of sleep and focus because of it. My new place is also 90 euros cheaper than the last)

me: (tells her for the 1000 time why I moved)
ma: It's just because you got internet there so that you can play starcraft2...
me: My Laptop is 3 years old, it can't run that game...
ma: then you're playing other games...
Me: Seriously ma I'm not playing anything, I'm studying 11 hours a day...
ma: Yeh but next semester you'll probebly only game...
me: FFS will you cut it out, I CAN'T play SH*t on my pc
ma: mubles (she's clearly pissed because I'm getting rude)

I am soooooo tired of constantly be put down by both my parents... My pa alwayse talks bad about everything and my ma is constantly nagging about my grades and about me gaming (I haven't gamed in the last 6 months). They even told me, when I said I was going on a 3 day trip with friends, that if my grades were bad I wasen't allowed (I worked my fvcking @ss off for the last 4 months without any free time and still they wouldn't allow me to do what I want for 3 days... I'm 22 years old and still I get treated like a fvcking baby) I lose my focus because she keeps putting me down and when I try to talk about it she starts insulting me by saying stuff that I'm "Ungratefull" and "selfish"....

I can't stand it anymore.. I want to move out, but I need money to get my engineering degree... I know I can get a job myself and try to pass my classes, but I don't want to lose an extra year just because my parents are annoying...

What should I do...
I'm thinking of getting a part time job and splitting my 1.5 years that I still have to do into 2 years of studying...

lol this sounds like harold from big bang theory

 

[seraphim]

I'm in a kinda similar situation with my studies it could get ridiculous at times but to escape this you're just gonna have to press on and do what you gotta do... lol i could imagine you trying to study with "nuclear launch detected" and "you wanna piece of me boy?" going off in the background. Who knows you could write a book or something drawing from your life experience. This is epic material.

 

[Eaglecreek]

Divine intervention?

I talked with my uncle about a job and about my exams etc and one week later this:

I don't know what the fvck happened or who the hell brainwashed my parents, anyhow I'm grateful.

So I come home yesterday and both my folks are still at work. First my dad gets home, we say hi and he asks me if I want coffee.

We sit down and he asks me how the exams are going. I just say that they're going fine. He then says to me: Son, whatever you score, as long as you pass some of your classes I'm glad. I know we bust your balls alot, but you have to realize that the route you have to take is the hardest one there is on any educational level. This isen't toying anymore. If you fail one or two exams, I won't be pissed, passing all ten exams is really insane.

(My jaw was now on the floor)

I then openly admitted that I'm not certain of my math exam and still he was not pissed. I though he was just testing me but then I started pushing my limits even further and said, should it be bad I might lose half a year AND STILL no lecture :woo: . EVEN MY MOM was acting NORMAL, though she was pretty sad to hear that I might have failed my exam...






First thing that comes to my mind: My uncle and aunt CLEARLY talked with my parents.

10 mins later he says: Oh btw I say your uncle (I just grinned and thanked the gods for such an uncle)...



One day later, Its 10 pm, I'm still working and my mom says to me: "as if you are still working at this hour, you can cut the faking and go to bed now..."

I just smiled and thought to myself: "They're back"

PS: I kid you not, my dad bought wow again and is playing again since this week. He had quit for 1.5 years now.

 

[Credos]

I'm glad things turned out ok and knowing your situation I just hope for your sake it remains that way...

I know when you say that it went better, it's still fvcked up.

Anyhow mate keep it up and best of luck, see you in september!