It is the truth when people on this board say that getting rejected is better then not approaching at all. Its very much involves your psychological unconscious mind that effects your conscious mind. I will give you an example:
I used to have the fear of flying which is called Aviophobia. Which basically every time I went flying on a plane, I would be really anxious and whiteknukle throughout the entire flight. I wanted to get rid of this feeling so I bought a book which addresses this specific phobia and the techniques can be used to combat other phobias as well. Needless to say I read the book, used the techiques rode a couple of planes and I must say that it worked and I do not fear flying as much as I used to.
One passage in the book sort of struck a cored in me because it illustrates the challenge that AFC's have when approaching women.
The book is called FLYING WITHOUT FEAR and it mentioned that whatever you do you must "Avoid Avoidance". It states that your fear increases when you avoid flying planes. It gives you a scenerio where if you are a person who is afraid to fly and you find out from your work, you must fly tommerow morning for a business meeting, you will become very anxious about that. However if you find that the following morning that your meeting was cancelled and you won't be going on that trip no more, you will experience an overwhelming feeling of "relief". Because you feel "relief" this feeling will reinforce your feelings of negative thoughts next time you try to board a plane, and you will be even more scared then before.
This is the same method that can be applied to guys who suffer from Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women (They have a medical term for this now hahaha). Suppose you and your buddies are heading to the club/bar this weekend and you anticipate seeing all the fine hotties prancing around with their skimpiest of outfits and you say to yourself" This is it!! tonight, I am going to approach all the nice ass Hotties and become the DON JUAN I know I can be!!" However when you get there you are so overwhelmed and afraid to approach that you end up sitting around playing with the ice cubes in your drink while your buddies and other guys in the club are scoring left and right. You know I am right and this thought is pissing you off and this is what is going to happen if you don't change your way of thinking somehow.
However if you payed close attension to my example you will know that if you desired someone and you were too afraid to approach her and start a conversation, by the end of the night you will sense a feeling of relief because you did not get rejected and your ego is kept in check. But on the Contrary the feeling of relief will reinforce your negative feelings that this particular girl you avoided would have rejected you anyway and you will be even worse off next time around.
What is the cure? APPROACH APPROACH APPROACH. DON'T THINK JUST APPROACH!! say something anything!! get REJECTED!!! you will do yourself a favour!! and ultimatly you will get better with approaches and not get rejected. THINK ABOUT IT: YOUR EGO AND SELF - ESTEEM WILL TAKE MORE OF A BEATING IF YOU DON'T APPROACH AS OPPOSE TO BEING REJECT. (ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD)
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
I used to have the fear of flying which is called Aviophobia. Which basically every time I went flying on a plane, I would be really anxious and whiteknukle throughout the entire flight. I wanted to get rid of this feeling so I bought a book which addresses this specific phobia and the techniques can be used to combat other phobias as well. Needless to say I read the book, used the techiques rode a couple of planes and I must say that it worked and I do not fear flying as much as I used to.
One passage in the book sort of struck a cored in me because it illustrates the challenge that AFC's have when approaching women.
The book is called FLYING WITHOUT FEAR and it mentioned that whatever you do you must "Avoid Avoidance". It states that your fear increases when you avoid flying planes. It gives you a scenerio where if you are a person who is afraid to fly and you find out from your work, you must fly tommerow morning for a business meeting, you will become very anxious about that. However if you find that the following morning that your meeting was cancelled and you won't be going on that trip no more, you will experience an overwhelming feeling of "relief". Because you feel "relief" this feeling will reinforce your feelings of negative thoughts next time you try to board a plane, and you will be even more scared then before.
This is the same method that can be applied to guys who suffer from Caligynephobia - Fear of beautiful women (They have a medical term for this now hahaha). Suppose you and your buddies are heading to the club/bar this weekend and you anticipate seeing all the fine hotties prancing around with their skimpiest of outfits and you say to yourself" This is it!! tonight, I am going to approach all the nice ass Hotties and become the DON JUAN I know I can be!!" However when you get there you are so overwhelmed and afraid to approach that you end up sitting around playing with the ice cubes in your drink while your buddies and other guys in the club are scoring left and right. You know I am right and this thought is pissing you off and this is what is going to happen if you don't change your way of thinking somehow.
However if you payed close attension to my example you will know that if you desired someone and you were too afraid to approach her and start a conversation, by the end of the night you will sense a feeling of relief because you did not get rejected and your ego is kept in check. But on the Contrary the feeling of relief will reinforce your negative feelings that this particular girl you avoided would have rejected you anyway and you will be even worse off next time around.
What is the cure? APPROACH APPROACH APPROACH. DON'T THINK JUST APPROACH!! say something anything!! get REJECTED!!! you will do yourself a favour!! and ultimatly you will get better with approaches and not get rejected. THINK ABOUT IT: YOUR EGO AND SELF - ESTEEM WILL TAKE MORE OF A BEATING IF YOU DON'T APPROACH AS OPPOSE TO BEING REJECT. (ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD)
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.