Out of a relationship / University

[FlowsLikeWater]

Hey guys, new to the forum.

I'm 19 and this is my first year at university.

I just dumped my 'LI' girlfriend of 6 months as recently she had me by the balls (I'd always initiate contact, always be the one to go see her, most of her time and energy was dedicated to her friends) and I started becoming paranoid and doubting myself. Initiating NC now (day 1). I'm thinking of walking over to hers just now.

A week ago I confronted her for this distant behavior (where she said she wasn't sure about me etc.) So I immediately implied breaking up (just a method to try to gain the power, I knew she'd come running back) and initiated NC for 2 days (well, not really, I went back to hers, got high, and slept over, it was pretty self-destructing), woke up and then initiated the NC. She called me over and over again, and begged me to reconsider, and I took her back when I thought I had her in my grasp.

This week, she hasn't contacted me for 2 nights (always with her friends, they're really important to her, and it's hard for me to integrate myself with 'em) - went out on a Friday night didn't even give me a text till Saturday morning, then said she 'might go out' on Saturday night, asked her to tell me if she was, she didn't. Until I texted her again on Saturday night asking if I could come over at around midnight (as ****ing usual, wouldn't have said a word if I hadn't, 3 nights!). Woke up Sunday and thought that was bull****, so broke it off, was really difficult, I'm really into this girl; we both cried, talked, kissed, and so on, and I walked away. It was terrible. Initiating NC, but I want her back (I know all of you will say no) - Maybe I was being too clingy? Maybe I should have given her more time? It was mostly a problem of putting together time for myself and her social life. It's too late, isn't it? =\ Advice please? Maybe I can get her back and then set some rules (e.g. contact once a week?) or something? Also this relationship ends at the end of summer as we both move to different areas.

Well, I want to move on. Problem is I've been pretty anti-social at university and barely made any friends, mainly because they're not really my type of 'scene', they go to clubs I dislike and a-lot of 'em seem vain. It's been 6 months and I've been pretty quiet around 'em. I've been pretty sucked into my girlfriend's life thus the reason for the LI, and I'm in this 4 year course I've signed up for. Anyone have any advice for a university student? My social circle is confined to flatmates and a few others, and revolves around drug taking.

I feel pretty weak just now. My mind is scattered. I would really appreciate any advice, or something to read. I'm the type of guy who prefers LTRs, ****ing random girls doesn't do it for me. This relationship made me instantly back off other girls and I've drifted far away from the 'game'.

Any advice, please?

 

[Eph]

Well, first thing's first: realize there is no point in getting back together with your ex. Especially, if you both are moving away from each other. Long-distance relationships NEVER work. Next, you need to understand the reasoning behind her saying, "she's unsure of you" and why threatening to break up with her drew her back.

From what I can gather from your post, you seem like a typical Beta male: the failed experiment of society. A feminized man. (heterosexual) Women do NOT want to date feminized men. Your problem is that you never took control of the relationship. You let her call the shots, evident by you "asking if you could come over". Don't ask, tell. Say, "hey, I'm coming over at 8. You gonna be there?"

You also don't need to be so caring. Give her some space, you don't need to constantly text her. If she doesn't text you back, so what? Let it be. Act like you were so busy, you didn't even notice. People love leaders, so quit acting like a follower.

Go make some new friends. You're going to be at your university for 4 years, right? Don't go through it alone. Find new people (male and female) to hang out with, and whenever you can lead them. Be the one that makes the decisions of the group, the one that people follow without question. You don't have to be controlling, or bossy, just lead when the opportunity presents itself.

 

[FlowsLikeWater]

Thanks for the advice.

I was calling the shots for the first few months, the relationship was moving at a very fast speed though, by the 4th month we've become quite accustomed to each other, and our nights together started becoming rather 'normal', and I slipped into the non-controlling/leading zone. Went downhill from there. Oh well, reflection and learning to do for the next. All a mind game, these behavioral expectations that lead to certain outcomes, it just gets boring sometimes. Such predictable machinery.

I know we weren't planning on long-distance, just to spend the time we have together and to enjoy it. I actually went back to hers last night (terrible effort, I know), we talked and clarified the situation, what our expectations where etc. I know I was too clingy, stopped becoming the leader in the relationship I used to be. I gave her the power to make the decision to try and restore the relationship with new settings, some sort of trial, probably a bad idea, but I'll accept the pain. Planning of getting myself back to physical and mental shape while she's around, seeing her less often and only for specifically fun nights etc. I know how it works. Chances are she won't take me back now I've done what I've just done, not sticking to my decision. Anyway, we're bumping into each other at a club this weekend for a DJ. Not sure getting smashed and going is a good idea though. Oh well, worse things could be happening. Time to re-plant my balls.