Oh man, I've really dug a hole.

[thatfeel]

In before the mom/age jokes.

I really messed up. And I feel sick to my stomach and really bad and just...I know actions speak louder than words but I don't know what to do here. I'll admit that I'm not really the best arguer when it comes to personal things or matters of the heart. I tend to get pretty defensive and emotional and logic just goes out the window.

So basically, I live with my gf, and last month(beginning of March) I paid her rent. She wasn't home when I had the cash so I hid it in a book because I had to leave so incase anyone broke in they wouldn't get an easy 500 bucks. I told her about it.

It was sitting in the book for about a month, and she knew about it, and one day about a week ago after I left for work I thought to myself that I really need to get it out of the book incase it gets lost or something because she kept moving the book around. So after I got home from work I got the book off her night stand and just took the cash out, counted it, and put it on her dresser.

Well she came home that night and asked me if rent was already due(for April). This was when I got ****ty and yes I know it. My impulsive reaction in my head was to be witty and so I told her yes, that's it(the money I just got out of the book). To cut out the small talk after I basically thought I could get away with not paying rent that month, but, I'm sure I must have known that she would've found that the cash from the book was missing so I don't really know why I would self sabotage myself like that or do something so ****ty.

I feel really bad because she treats it as if I stole from her. I know there's nothing right about my actions at all and she said she thought she was impressed that I paid rent early, but was wrong, and says it's a detraction from my character and says I'll always be a scammer/shark. I literally feel like I'm about to break down or throw up because I truly feel remorseful that I could have done something like this to someone that I say I love(and I do love her). She just won't listen to me though. She doesn't care what I have to say. She's just set on making up her own mind that what I did showed her that I can be ****ty and now she says she has to be leery of me. It's just not a good feeling and even if she were to tell me things were okay, I don't think I would believe her.

I would really like to hear any advice you guys have on how to handle or "come back" from this. There's not necessarily anything wrong I guess with how she is handling the situation but I just wish she would believe me and I know it would be hard given what I just did. But what can I do? Please be as honest as you have to.

 

[Albatross953]

Why are you paying her? Her place?

She will get over it if you're a man of action and you keep your word moving forward. But your frame is wrong if you are a guest in her life. She should be a guest in yours.

Seems like you should take a good long look at the dynamics of your relationship.

 

[thatfeel]

Why are you paying her? Her place?

She will get over it if you're a man of action and you keep your word moving forward. But your frame is wrong if you are a guest in her life. She should be a guest in yours.

Seems like you should take a good long look at the dynamics of your relationship.

I was living in an apartment and she has had a mortgage long before I moved in. So I just pay my share of it to stay with her. I'd rather live without a lease to be honest.

 

[Albatross953]

If I could I'd just take over paying power, gas, cable bills. And be reliable. If its serious, and you buy a place together down the road have your half of the down payment ready.

Paying her rent instead of paying your half reliably and on your own terms sets a bad tone on the relationship. And the stunt you pulled doesn't help.

Man up.

 

[JoeMarron]

*Sigh* why the fvck are you still with this chick? That's the question you need to be asking yourself. You didn't dig a hole, you were in a very deep hole long before you posted this thread. You can "come back" from this by dumping her, getting the hell out of her place and getting your life straight.

 

[Turuwal]

I would really like to hear any advice you guys have on how to handle or "come back" from this. There's not necessarily anything wrong I guess with how she is handling the situation but I just wish she would believe me and I know it would be hard given what I just did. But what can I do? Please be as honest as you have to.

The problem here is YOU. You do not have sound judgement and are prone to reacting then over-reacting to try to fix the mistake you made in the first place. Small problems tend to spiral out of control for you.

You should compensate for your lack of judgement by taking a 15 minute time out every time you need to make a decision. This will stop you from rushing blindly from crisis to crisis.

Once your decision-making skills have improved, you can gradually reduce this time.

 

[SgtSplacker]

So you took March's rent out of the book, put it on the dresser, and told her it was April's rent?

OK if your thought process is anything like how you write you really need to get your head together and slow the fark down man. You're doing things that don't make sense even to you as you're doing them. You're confused then you are attributing reasons to your actions that don't make sense and burning yourself in the end.

Pay the woman the rent you owe her.
Pay the next one early.
AND STOP DOING THINGS THAT ARE NOT LOGICAL

What are you an idiot? <== TUFF LOVE

No... really though, you're not making any sense at all.