'Not Taking No For An Answer'

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Yo

Since i started posting here and doing bootcamp back in November, i must have approached and asked out more women than i had done previously in my entire life. I've had some success, but not as much as i'd have liked, and my fair share of rejections.
I've always followed the general DJ rule of backing off, or nexting the girl, following a rejection (you know, don't be needy or desperate, there's plenty other single women out there, don't get stuck in oneitis, all that, its repeated over and over in this forum).
Yet the number of times i've heard it said about a guy who initially got rejected: 'he knew what he wanted and wasn't gonna take no for an answer', before getting what he wanted from the girl, be it sex, date, whatever. The type of guys you hear this said about, they're nearly always the alpha males, guys who are very successful with women. In fact, if you believe the papers, this is how Gavin Henson (the Welsh rugby player) got it together with Charlotte Church, apparently he had to ask her over and over for a date, now they're completely loved up.

So, obviously, the question is: how can you actually make this work?
How can you continue to persue a girl who's rejected you initially without coming across as some desperate loser, and in what situations is it worth doing?
And if anyones done this successfully themselves, post the stories - I'm interested to see how this can actually work.

 

[bud_2005]

Thats a great question. I have also heard stories where the guy asked nearly 20 times and finally he got a yes.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Wish I had an answer bro...

I think the majority of the people on this board don't get that the reason a lot of people get "one-itis" (as they call it) is becuase there really are very few worthwhile women out there.

Lots of hotties who you want to screw, but very few truly worthwhile people.

"There are plenty of other fish" is the biggest lie of them all. If that was true, nobody would be lonely.

-LB

 

[JonJack]

It is true that there are plenty of other fishes in the sea. Why though can't we just enjoy the act of fishing? If we ever get hungry for fish but can't hook any, why can't we just visit a seafood joint?

 

[fillme]

This is what happened to me after reading this site: I became way too arrogant and started next-ing the chicks. But inside I was getting more desperate.

Maybe there are other ways but one of the many ways not to take no for an answer is to make sure the girl doesn't say no at the first place. That is, you have to make her like you. One of the strategies is to talk to girls who you share interests with. For example, if you like reading literature (library, bookshops), find and talk to a chick who loves the same. Don't just hit on any girl and every girl. Also, you have to make the girl laugh. Don't be too arrogant and stuff. Just relax and have a good time.

If you don't want to take no for an answer then see her interest level before asking. See if you can make her interest level high. If she says no then sometimes it can mean yes. Again, check her interest level. But if no means no then don't push it too hard. I never found that it works. Moreover, you will lose your self-esteem.

 

[earthshyne]

In the parlance of the times, No Means No.

This is a double-edged sword. If you respect a girl's "no," then you're free to move on and that's that. But if you follow up a girl's "no" with repeated attempts, it shows her a number of things:

1. You don't respect her decision;
2. You're either dense or just didn't hear;
3. You have trouble following simple instructions;
4. If she's playing the "hard to get" game by saying "no" a dozen times before she says "yes," then you're giving her positive reinforcement to her little mind games, which takes your power away and gives it to her;
5. If you don't respect this "no," what other answers won't you respect?

Me, I don't chase anymore. I take a no at face value and leave it at that. I'm too old, crotchety and have too many other potentials and numbers in my black book to be played by some little chickie in tight jeans and a crop top.

 

[Skullcrusher]

Guys who persist are like those weak dogs that look at you with puppy eyes and beg. Guys who either charge at the woman and get success or ignore the girl after getting rejected are the big dogs. Do you want to be a little dog or a big dog?

 

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Well thats the whole point of the question. If you persist in the wrong way, then yeah you definately will look weak and desperate, the 'little dog' as you call it. And as Earthshine said, i also can't be arsed being played by some little chickie or whatever - obviously this is only something you'd do with a quality chick who's worth the effort.

But i disagree with just dismissing the idea like that, simply cos you see so guys who are able to persist IN A NON-DESPERATE WAY (thats really gotta be emphasised) to get what they want. And these sort of guys are usually real alpha males or top class PUAs so i don't think its desperate if done in the right way.
But what that right way actually is is what i'm trying to find out.

I'll describe a couple of situations where i've nexted a girl where i reckon i maybe gave up a bit soon, simply cos i didn't want to look desperate by persuing. Maybe that'll get people thinking and bring up a few fresh ideas:

1. I chatted up this stunning girl in my university gym, IMO hottest girl in my uni, got her number after about 5 minute convo, she seemed really into me at the time, i thought i had it made. I called her 4 days later, when i asked her for a date, she was like 'Uh i don't know, i am kind of seeing someone at the moment', so i was like 'Ok no problem, fair enough' and talked for a few minutes more before hanging up.

2. Cold approach on another girl at uni, also v hot, had v friendly convo for few minutes, she seemed to have high IL, but when i asked for her number, she was like 'oh i don't know, i've only just met you, it seems a little bit weird' (yep, cold approaches are unusual in the UK!!). (Maybe didn't help that she was only visiting the uni for a couple days and lived hundreds miles away, so i could only really have been after a quick shag)

In both those examples, i thought there was pretty decent IL (note neither were an outright 'no', the type where the girl obviously just hates you/ hates all men/ is a lesbo) and thought i still could have got somewhere with a little persuasion, but didnt know how to without looking desperate.

Any more ideas?

 

[tristan22]

Interesting this topic was brought today, because i read something in Playboy that pertains to this topic.

The centerfold spoke of her ownly two boyfriends. She mentioned that both of them had to repeatedly ask her out before she said yes.

To me, if a female plays hard to get and has megalomaniac syndrom, i will next her.

 

[Not Quite There]

Originally posted by GodsGiftToFatBirds

1. I chatted up this stunning girl in my university gym, IMO hottest girl in my uni, got her number after about 5 minute convo, she seemed really into me at the time, i thought i had it made. I called her 4 days later, when i asked her for a date, she was like 'Uh i don't know, i am kind of seeing someone at the moment', so i was like 'Ok no problem, fair enough' and talked for a few minutes more before hanging up.

Any more ideas?

mate, should of just been cheeky with her and been like

'its alright, i'm inviting you not him', or been like, 'oh well, thats a shame for you', if she was really fit it would probably of got her thinking a bit.

I know this is easier saying on an internet forum, but i reckon in that kinda situation, you got to be cheeky, take the piss out of them a bit or something, be like 'oh, so you just like to give your number out to men do you?' etc..

 

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Oh yeh, i'd forgotten about this thread.

I like the comeback 'I'm inviting you, not him' - I remember that girl sounded unsure (like when they're in a proper relationship, they're just like 'sorry ive got a boyfriend' straight away), so that might have worked, shame i didn't think of it at the time!
But I'll make a mental note to memorise that line for the future. I reckon a kind of playful persistence is the way to do it, like you're taking the piss a bit and acting like you're just joking around but they do actually know you are actually after them.

Maybe another response in that situation would have been 'oh right, thats cool. But how about we meet up for a coffee sometime, see how we get on?'
Reckon if a girl was half interested in you, she might go for that, cos you've managed to make it out like they're not been unfaithful by meeting up with you, compared to if you actually take them out on a proper date.

 

[librito]

GFTFW= Go Fu.. Ten Other Women

 

[penkitten]

since when does a guy feel like it is ok to beg for a date by repeatedly asking and asking and asking til she says yes?

whats next ? crying?

 

[bobbob]

Guys who repeatedly "next" have low self-esteem.

do a search for the posts that deal with "confident persistence."

Some girls take more work than others ... if you just want ANY girl, then next away until you find one that's looking to date.

 

[CLOONEY]

Its because usually you can tell if a girl likes you and is just playing games. She is playing hard to get as "they" say! Sometimes, when you get rejected, you know you got shut down and just move on to the next. Others, you can tell she likes you and is just testing you. Once you do many many more approaches, you will see what I mean once you experience them both. However, being totally shut down and there being no point of even bothering again, is usually what happens.