Non-exclusive speech

[halfguard]

I usually date women in the 35 to 52 range. I am 47. I find that under 35 you really don't need to make it known early on that you are spinning plates and are non-exclusive.

When someone asks me after a few dates or even after sex, "What are we?' or "what are you looking for?" - I usually say I don't want a commitment or I don't want to be tied down. This is not exactly the most tactful way to put it.

What are some good ways to phrase non-exclusivity where I am able to convey high SMV without sounding like your typical douche-bag type guy?

 

[flowtheory]

I usually date women in the 35 to 52 range. I am 47. I find that under 35 you really don't need to make it known early on that you are spinning plates and are non-exclusive.

When someone asks me after a few dates or even after sex, "What are we?' or "what are you looking for?" - I usually say I don't want a commitment or I don't want to be tied down. This is not exactly the most tactful way to put it.

What are some good ways to phrase non-exclusivity where I am able to convey high SMV without sounding like your typical douche-bag type guy?

I wouldn’t close down potential. I think that’s why you perceive “I don’t want a commitment or to be tied down” as a douche line. It’s also misleading if a man knows a woman is looking for something meaningful and that guy is just wanting sex with her.

I think the best advice for most situations - especially this one - is to be honest. If she asks what you’re looking for, or what you two are, simply tell her you’re single and your open to possibilities and you enjoy your time together.
If you’re just wanting a fwb situation or sex, tell them before you have sex with them. I think the goal is just to be transparent with your intentions and not misleading. Never good to make someone feel used or to be deceptive.

Doubebags are douches because they are misleading and use others as a end to their own means.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Her: What is there between us?

You: That's a fair question and the best gift I can offer you is my honesty. I enjoy your company or else we wouldn't be together right now. At the same time though, I'm just not in a place right now ... where I want with anything too serious.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Her: What is there between us?

You: That's a fair question and the best gift I can offer you is my honesty. I enjoy your company or else we wouldn't be together right now. At the same time though, I'm just not in a place right now ... where I want with anything too serious.

Don't be too direct. Although it takes pressure off a guy, too blunt will fvck it up for you. Say " I like what were doing right now and I'd like to see where it goes."

 

[flowtheory]

Don't be too direct. Although it takes pressure off a guy, too blunt will fvck it up for you. Say " I like what were doing right now and I'd like to see where it goes."

If only these types of conversations ended there...
Women will poke and prod until they find a suitable answer; the above statement is very aloof. And even if she ceases prodding in that moment after the above statement, she will bring it up again when she sees the man is in an emotional position to gain more insight for her needs and safety.
So.
Directness is best. A man is direct. Being truthful and transparent about where you’re at allows things to evolve in a natural pace. It will also create space and time for her to show if she’s worth the investment.

Aloofness and all of that is manipulation and is a game to keep up. A petty man would concern himself with these tactics of being coy and aloof. A strong man comes from truth and directness. Truth is a rock and reliable - even if it’s not what she wants to hear in that moment. It allows people to fall on to it. And ultimately she’s asking that question for her own safety and security. The most important aspect for a woman in any relationship.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If only these types of conversations ended there...
Women will poke and prod until they find a suitable answer; the above statement is very aloof. And even if she ceases prodding in that moment after the above statement, she will bring it up again when she sees the man is in an emotional position to gain more insight for her needs and safety.
So.
Directness is best. A man is direct. Being truthful and transparent about where you’re at allows things to evolve in a natural pace. It will also create space and time for her to show if she’s worth the investment.

Aloofness and all of that is manipulation and is a game to keep up. A petty man would concern himself with these tactics of being coy and aloof. A strong man comes from truth and directness. Truth is a rock and reliable - even if it’s not what she wants to hear in that moment. It allows people to fall on to it. And ultimately she’s asking that question for her own safety and security. The most important aspect for a woman in any relationship.

We learned too direct turns them off they wanna be lied to a bit and a challenge to "figure out".

 

[flowtheory]

We learned too direct turns them off they wanna be lied to a bit and a challenge to "figure out".

What are you talking about?

No person WANTS to be lied to. And no person should strive to be a liar; that is a massive character flaw. Being a liar is bending reality to suit ones own selfish wants because they can’t accept reality and truth so they contrive.

What you’re trying to articulate, I believe, is “women want mystery”.
However these two terms - directness and mystery, are not synonymous.

Directness is standing in truth and stating how one feels and what one wants. Ideally rooted in integrity.

Mystery is not divulging every aspect in a needy way, while keeping some thoughts or feelings private; but not for the sake of contrivance.
And mystery can be fostered through ones interests or beliefs. Attempting to withhold or confuse someone purely for the sake of attempting to garner her interest, will lead to disaster. Because the root is mistrust of oneself.

I don’t get why it’s so difficult for people to own who they are. Owning ones thoughts and feelings is pure strength in every way. The exact thing women are drawn to and test for. Purposefully playing games or contriving mystery is weak in every way because it showcases lack of will, morals, and integrity.

And at the end of the day, it shouldn’t be about winning her interest or respect. First it should be about being able to respect your own self and what you stand for. Everything sprouts from the self — every relationship, friendship, new endeavour.
The game seems or tactics ALWAYS break down. Because they are constructed from a desperate desire for acceptance or external validation.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What are you talking about?

No person WANTS to be lied to. And no person should strive to be a liar; that is a massive character flaw. Being a liar is bending reality to suit ones own selfish wants because they can’t accept reality and truth so they contrive.

What you’re trying to articulate, I believe, is “women want mystery”.
However these two terms - directness and mystery, are not synonymous.

Directness is standing in truth and stating how one feels and what one wants. Ideally rooted in integrity.

Mystery is not divulging every aspect in a needy way, while keeping some thoughts or feelings private; but not for the sake of contrivance.
And mystery can be fostered through ones interests or beliefs. Attempting to withhold or confuse someone purely for the sake of attempting to garner her interest, will lead to disaster. Because the root is mistrust of oneself.

I don’t get why it’s so difficult for people to own who they are. Owning ones thoughts and feelings is pure strength in every way. The exact thing women are drawn to and test for. Purposefully playing games or contriving mystery is weak in every way because it showcases lack of will, morals, and integrity.

And at the end of the day, it shouldn’t be about winning her interest or respect. First it should be about being able to respect your own self and what you stand for. Everything sprouts from the self — every relationship, friendship, new endeavour.
The game seems or tactics ALWAYS break down. Because they are constructed from a desperate desire for acceptance or external validation.

Ask the other guys if bone-dry integrity is the best. My findings is it's more like a salesman where it's "mostly true" and lets them imagine using words and phrases to stimulate them and draw their imagination.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I don't tell them sh*t because I just don't care. Im dating for my benefit not theirs. They will be long gone before they figure out there are other women anyways. If they ask me what we are I just say I don't know yet, im still trying to figure it out. If I found one worth keeping around my attitude might change but the less women know the better.

 

[flowtheory]

Ask the other guys if bone-dry integrity is the best. My findings is it's more like a salesman where it's "mostly true" and lets them imagine using words and phrases to stimulate them and draw their imagination.

And have you found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship through this prescription?

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

And have you found a meaningful and fulfilling relationship through this prescription?

those come around like Halleys Comet and are rare as Unicorns these days.

 

[jaymbrs]

The situation I encounter with this is that I'm sometimes unsure of what I want exactly. Sometimes I see value in the woman I'm seeing to where I'm open to the possibility of a relationship. But at the same time want to keep my options open. So just say what I say and it's that you're enjoying how things are going and are open to anything that happens. It's a pretty grey answer but it will keep that mystery about you that she'll have fun trying to figure out. I've never received a bad response, even when it didn't end up working out. Because in the end you didn't say anything to lead her on.