Non-Exclusive Relationship treated as GF/BF relationship. I'm puzzled! HELP

[girlsarecrazy]

Backround Info:

Me and this girl were going out since January 19th, 2006. She asked for some space 2 months later because of how serious our relationship was getting and she didn't know if she wanted to carry it out through the summer and be so emotionally attached to someone. Then she LJBF'd me. It was a surprise to me because everything felt right with this girl, although it was serious, we both were happy.

We broke up. We had a very emotional breakup. I'll admit that I went into a little depression and felt like my heart was broken for a couple of days. A week after not seeing each other and me ignoring her, we started hanging out as friends. Then started fvcking again! I didn't know what it meant after we started fvcking again. So we sat down and talked about our situation. She basically told me she doesn't want to be tied down but she likes what we are doing right now (hanging out and fooling around) unattached). I agreed because i wasn't complaining... I was getting laid!

Now it's getting to the point where we basically act like we are GF/BF again but we dont carry that titles. She calls me all the time. She hugs and kisses me, in public and everywhere. She loves spending time with me. I never initiate phone calls, never went out of my way to see her, or tried to kiss her (except when were fvcking) because I believe exclusive couples only do that.

I feel like that we need to be exclusive again because I don't feel security in this relationship what so ever!

We're just hanging out, fooling around and having fun w/ no strings. We still both have feelings for each other. I just don't understand why she wants to continue this relationship unattached. I get confused all the time. I don't know what this girl wants. I don't ever call her, I end the conversations all the time when she calls me, I usually try to find when she's available to hang out and plan a time to hang out but it always ends up her randomly calling, "Do you want to hang out now for a little?". Of course i'm gonna say yes because that's like saying no to sex.

Ever since we broken up, I've been trying to play her. Acting a little more ****y, avoiding her @ times, not contacting her, etc. I haven't been taking any sh!t from her either. She would crack some stupid joke about how she'll call up another guy and i'll just be like i don't care bye or just walk away from her. Then she'll be all over me the next time we see each other.

Our relationship is now based off of: Teasing, Sex, Dates, Having Fun w/ some Jealousy, Insecurity, and Mistrust.

Althought the having fun and sex is great. I really could do without the jealousy, insecurity and mistrust. Establishing an exclusive relationship would do the trick. But how could I turn it into an exclusive relationship again if she already mentioned that she can't see her self tied down with a boyfriend right now....?

This girl is a 9.0 and the total package. It sounds like oneitis to me but she's def. has the total package.

She treats me as her boyfriend right now. I treat her like crap sometimes and she just gets more attraction for me. I can't get my emotions tied up in this girl anymore unless we commit to something I need some suggestions!

Here's what i know i need to do:

*See other girls
*Say no to her more often

Here's why it's hard for me to do that:

We hang out during the best times to go out (Friday Night, Saturdays, and usually a day after school) I usually don't have plans on the weekend due to my friends busy with their girlfriends. So i don't want to tell her no and have me sitting at home doing nothing during that free time. Also, if i said no, and have her available on one of those days, it's a risk for her going out with another guy because being a 9.0, she has guys always trying to hang out with her.

Closing statement:
I want to be exclusive. She doesn't. We fvck, It's fun. I can't NEXT her... LOL HELP!

 

[speedo_meme]

You're an AFC. You've posted this same sh1t 3 times...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98459&highlight=girlsarecrazy

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98624&highlight=girlsarecrazy

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98779&highlight=girlsarecrazy

Get a fukkin life, quit living in denial, loser.

 

[dreamx]

You're an AFC. You've posted this same sh1t 3 times...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98459&highlight=girlsarecrazy

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98624&highlight=girlsarecrazy

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=98779&highlight=girlsarecrazy

Get a fukkin life, quit living in denial, loser.

LMAO!

 

[girlsarecrazy]

A lot has changed since those posts. I need further advice. Improvements were made but it's still not "Perfect".

 

[penkitten]

maybe she is just saying she doesnt want to be tied down to make you want it more. that is a game girls play to try to make you think they are cool and want them more.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

maybe she is just saying she doesnt want to be tied down to make you want it more. that is a game girls play to try to make you think they are cool and want them more.

Maybe it is... But how should i handle the situation?

I understand wants going on.

I sometimes think the way she acts is funny all the time. We're both playing games with each other. I know she wants me, I try to make it look like she can't have me and then she always try to "win" me back and we end up having sex or going out on dates.

I need something to try to make it more stable.

 

[Macgyver]

girlsarecrazy is a troll, but, so am i. Except the difference between me and him is his posts are 100% bullshat.

 

[Thomas94305]

Dude.. if you're serious about fixing your shyt... quit seeing her fridays and saturdays. You are giving her ALL the bf/gf stuff, without her being your gf... Why should she bother to be your gf if she gets what she wants now and has the added license to cheat or whatever?

Setting ultimatums with her will likely end things.. not necessarily a bad idea, tho.. but it won't achieve your current goal of getting back together.

If I were you.. given your one-itus with her... I'd start easy with myself. I'd find an excuse to regularly spend a friday or a saturday night away from her. Use your spare time to talk with other women. Set up other dates, when you feel up for it. Even if you don't have a date, get away from her on some fridays/saturdays.. sit at home, go to a bar, call your Mom.. JUST DO THIS.. start in whatever way you can to take steps. SHE'S NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SO YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG TO HER IN THIS. You need to get that established in your own mind. You also need to break your addiction to her. Finally.. you are saying to her that since you're not bf/gf, you are not giving her all the boyfriend benefits... VERY FAIR.

After you have a friday/saturday away from her, reflect on how you have survived it, the world didn't blow up, everything is fine, etc. Do things to assert your independence from her. When you feel more comfortable about being apart, you'll be clearer about what to do. If she gives crap about being apart, I'd say "why is this a problem, we're not bf/gf.." I'd just put it back on her to explain why anything you are doing is wrong, I would NEVER try to justify myself here.

Likely.. she'll fuss and tantrum a while. Ride that out, hold your ground. SHE'S THE ONE WHO SAID YOU'RE NOT BF/GF!! I've had women give me crap before... I would tell them clearly this bothers me. I wouldn't tell her to screw off, but I would not give in. The standard reaction is that she'll fuss for about 2 months, testing you. After that, if you're fair (which this is), and she's into you, she'll give it up.

Good luck, take action.. posting here isn't the same as fixing your problem.

 

[Un-Aru]

You're also forgetting one of the golden rules...

True intentions are defined by ACTIONS, not by WORDS. This includes the title of BF/GF, that's all it is in the end, a label. A lot of girls (and guys for that matter) will try and assert a degree of independence by not making it 'official' (by using the BF/GF terms) when the reality is their actions are completely contradictory. There is almost an UNSPOKEN agreement...

If she's treating you well, with kindness and respect and you're getting all the action you need why f**k it all up? You're feeling a bit insecure because it feels as though she's got 1 foot in, 1 foot out which means you feel as though she can leave at any point, which puts her in a position of power. Haha is that not one of the goals of the DJ, to try and get the girl to feel as though YOU could leave at any point?

And the way to regain that position of power? Do exactly as Thomas suggests, make yourself a little more unavailable. Do it slowly though, and gauge her reaction. Why give up easy pu**y?

 

[girlsarecrazy]

In this FWB relationship. It's so easy to fvck it up. I get paranoid sometimes LOL. I need to find some other girls ASAP. But she has a phonebook full of guys that she could easily hang out with. When we were B/F and G/F, she'd always had incoming txt msgs asking her to hang out and even phone calls. Now that she has the license to cheat. I'll get paranoid when she's left at home with nothing to do. She can easily answer one of those txts or calls and set up a date with someone else and move on too easy.

That's the advantage to being an attractive girl. They can hang out with any guy they want to easily.

She tottally *****d me today in school. She's playing all these games.

I tried walking past her today in school today acting like i didn't see her. She shouted my name. She insisted that I turn around and walk to her. Then she grabs me close and hugs me, grabs me close, and kisses me on the cheek and is like wanna hang out today, (we haven't hung out for 3 days and i'm thinking SEX) then she's like I'll need a ride home from school, meaning i'll have to go home for 2 hours come back to pick her up and then take her back to her house. So i just told her sure, we'll hang.

So i pick her up, take her to her house, and she's like i don't think we can hang out now. I got soo fvcking mad. She tottally *****d me.

I'm def. spending time away from this chick. She's using me. Thanks for the help.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Today she tried to pull some game with me when i was leaning to get my book bag from my car. She looked up and came close as if she wanted to kiss me. So i moved in a little closer and she backed away. I flipped out - Walked out of my car slammed the door with her still in it. Then i just walked in school and to my classroom without looking back. She texted me to stop. Then texted me again saying that she's outside my class. I go out and tell her to stop playing these games and threatened that i can easily drop her and go to another chick because were not anything.

I told her that she frustrates me when we act like BF/GF and we have no commitment. She admits falling out of her comfort zone because she doesn't think i'd ever leave her. It woke her up and she realized that I could leave at any time. I gained power back and she stopped playing these stupid games for the rest of the day. Now i'm going to play the busy man game and call off planned time together tonight.