No contact broken, not sure what to do now.

[FortunateSon]

Hi.

I went no contact with a girl in the summer, it was going well! I never text her, called her or messaged her on facebook in that time. Yes, I missed her and I thought about her from time to time, but I was doing well.

Last weekend me and my buddy went to a club nearby to where we live and she approached me in the club, tapped me on the shoulder, as I turned around threw her arms around me and said hi, she started asking how I was and small talk. I was stunned, never expected this! She then grabs my hand and asks if we can go and chat somewhere more quiet, so I go with her. She starts asking me questions about life, I sort of just shake my head or nod my head, not really wanting to talk. She then pulls her phone out, asks for my number, I give it to her and she then miss calls me, so I have her number.

The next day she starts texting me! She asks me "Where I disappeared to in the club" because she couldn't find me (I went home because my buddy was feeling sick). I ask her why she got back in contact after all these months and she says "I dunno I just felt like I had to talk to you, it had been a while and things had ended badly between us" - There wasn't an "us", we never hooked up, never kissed, never went on a date, never had sex, never did anything, so I was like "okay". She then says "It was so strange that I saw you, I actually thought of you the other day". At this point, I'm suspicious, because the whole thing to me just doesn't add up.

Since then she has been blowing up my phone like old times. She loves to initiate contact with me, she does so about 95% of the time we text/talk/see each other. It's just strange I thought after reading about No contact that when No contact happened after a few weeks the girl would just move on, forget about you and would never initiate contact again.

What should I do? Why do you think she has she gotten in contact? Is she playing game? Is she falling back on a second priority or plan b after plan a went bottoms up? Don't worry, I am not planning on running back to her or anything, I'm past that stage thanks to the teachings from fellow DJ's.

 

[Htienvu]

2 possibilities from this.

1. Her interest might have been raised due to no contact
2. She is just a AW

Since it's hard to tell the difference between the two, you treat them as one; assume she's an AW. Be indifferent to this girl, if she likes to initiate contact, let her. Let her chase you, just tread very carefully and do not start thinking something will come of this. Don't become weak, giving in to her and start acting needy.

Let her do all the work, when she calls don't stay on the phone for too long, always find excuses to hang up. Make it seem like you're busy and don't have the time for her. Do not feel oblige to answer her every text, do not answer them too quick either when you do.

Well, see how it goes, if she is interested then you can make a move. When you do, give her the 1 strike rule. She messes up again then get rid of her from your life.

Remember, don't start falling for her; you don't need her, act like you're in position of power.

 

[FortunateSon]

Thnx for the advice man, appreciate it.

I have been behaving indifferently to her, that's not an act, it's genuinely because I know I can walk away from her whenever I feel like it, as I have done it before. It took me a while to accept that things between us weren't meant to be and I refuse to go back down that path. Wasn't it Einstein who said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"?

The "do not answer them quickly" part is where I am going wrong, if I've got my phone on me then I'll reply to someone who texts me. I do that with everyone, just like I'll answer my phone when someone rings, even withheld numbers. However, whenever I do not respond to her, she'll text me back again asking me "what I'm upto?".

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

If you want you can treat the situation as an experiment and let us know how it's going from time to time.

Be sure to make her do all the work. DO NOT ASK HER OUT AGAIN! If you do you will lose the frame. She must ask to see you. If she never does then who cares. You should be out looking for other options while keeping her on the backburner.

-Do not initiate texts or phone calls with her.
-Do not message her on facebook.
-Do not answer her phone calls on the weekends. Be aloof and make it seem like you have options even if you don't.

 

[FortunateSon]

Im not planning on asking her out again, pal! Been there, done that, got the rejection t-shirt.

I'm not bothered if she asks to meet up or not, I would be reluctant to meet up with her anyways, not after all the sh!t she put me through and said to me in the summer.

I never initiate contact any road, so it's all good on that front. Do you reckon she is interested in me again though? Has no contact worked for me on both counts of flushing her out of my system and peaking her interest?

 

[Diaforetikos]

First off, she wants you to give her the attention she had from you before. Even if she really does like you, she still wants attention.

Second, she will continue to pursue this attention until she gets what she wants from you, or she gets bored and moves on.

Third, what do you want out of this? If you're over her, why does it matter if she is into you again? If you don't care, then don't talk about her. She should just be another friend or person to you.



You went no contact. You see each other and now your communicating again. Then you ask now what?

Who cares? You shouldn't. Move on.

 

[Iceberg]

What should I do? Why do you think she has she gotten in contact? Is she playing game? Is she falling back on a second priority or plan b after plan a went bottoms up? Don't worry, I am not planning on running back to her or anything, I'm past that stage thanks to the teachings from fellow DJ's.

I don't know why she's gotten back in contact, but I know one thing for sure.

If you're not getting dates/sex from her, then f**k that sh1t. I mean, unless you want a Texting Buddy.

Like you say how she blows up your phone like old times. Well, if you still want her, then arrange it so she's SEEING you in person and not talking to you via phone. Get this show on the road, or put her back on No Contact.

Escalate or rid yourself of her. No more middle ground.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Do you reckon she is interested in me again though?

Highly unlikely. 9 times out of 10 she probably has no other options at the moment and is using you for attention out of sheer boredom while waiting for the next guy to come sniffing around.

If she was truly interested in you she would have gone out with you the first time you asked. Trust me I've been in and seen this exact situation many times before.

There is a VERY small chance she might be interested, but you must maintain the frame and force her to do all the work in instances like this. Either way, if you maintain the frame it will be a win-win situation for you. You won't invest any effort in her and she'll either try to win you over by asking you to meet up (highly unlikely so don't count on this happening). If she does ask to meet up force her to come to you and do not take her out on a real date. or she'll realize you're not falling for her games and will give up (most likely scenario).

 

[FortunateSon]

I've booted her out of my life again, just a week after she crawled back into it like a feral rat. She slept with my mate and went out boasting about how I wanted her etc, etc in the summer.

 

[window]

classic, notice how second time around you played it cool and waited for her to show her hand...nice work

 

[FortunateSon]

I'm just delighted that she won't ever be apart of my life again, I can't believe I had oneitis for this girl, it's pathetic really, she isn't anything special, she's just an average girl, like most women. Silly, silly FortunateSon. Well at least I learned my lesson, the hard way.